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 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
With rain brings thunder and life, the numbness
That I search for. With rain comes
A warmth that I crave, but never surround myself with.
The safety among fingers tangled in mine and
Whispers of entrancing promises, yet
I stay alone and silent; I am unable,
Incapable, unwanted.

I write with an empty heart and an empty mind,
Void of images that inspire.
I lose myself more in a bottomless well;
I just wanted some water.
I can no longer climb, and I don't think I am coming back.
Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.  Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.
I am drowning in myself.
 May 2014 Jindomess
Jazmine Moore
If
 May 2014 Jindomess
Jazmine Moore
If
I could keep writing you poems you'll never read

Or I could put my pen down and bandage my own heart

Either way, I would still lose because I wouldn't have you
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
In the minds of others, I want us to be viewed as
A starstruck love, a famous and widely dreamed of
Fantasy. The softness of our kisses will echo in their eyes
And they will think, "there is love in that kiss.
There is love in their eyes and in their bodies.
They share the love in their minds and arms."
The fire in our eyes will be an old one,
Strong and mature. The smiles we exchange
Will contain memories that few recognize.
I want to be seen as the luckiest girl in the world,
Because I am. The universe will hear my whisper
When I tell you I love you, and there will be a silent
Cheer for us alone. A whistle from me
And a tear of joy.
I want there to be love in our eyes,
And pain in our hearts.
I want us to be stronger and learn from eachother.
I want to be us  *forever.
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
Forgotten
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
This is what I will become.
I will be a forgotten soul,
Just a withered girl, dumb
And without any control.

No way to ever see the truth
And an absolutely brainwashed
Society. Leaking lies, her mouth
Wanting desperately to crash.

The windows to her soul
Are shut and locked,
Afraid after the raid and the ****
Of her happiness.
She has lost all control,
Her mental gun cocked
And loaded, mouth agape
And careless about the future mess.



Fear instilled in ones heart can never be defeated, only conquered.
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
Maybe the wind is telling stories.
I don't know the language, yet
I know what to find.

A treasure that needs to be uncovered
Or a lost city in the clouds.
Somewhere the strife of life will not reach me.
Or maybe a handwritten story,
Telling of how the world turned cold and ignorant,
Singed at the edges by fire before the wind took it away.

Everything changes when love turns evil, doesn't it?
The eyes change and a perverted hate takes their place.
Ink may be a cure, but lies are a bandaid.

Pain comes if its uncovered, so why fix it?
Just run from it, if you cut it's head off, two will grow back, anyway.
No clue
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
So few, yet so many.
I'm hungry.
I'm depressed.
I'm sorry.

And yet everything has lost meaning.
Everyone says these things like they don't matter,
And there are others that say them, looking for
Someone to notice the seriousness.

I am depressed- I hate myself. I hate my life. Everything is my fault. I want to die. I have tried to die. I want to try again, but the only thing stopping me is a promise.
I am hungry- I'm trying to eat regularly, but I do not want to. I feel okay, but I don't feel pretty. I feel lime I need to punish myself. I am lost and confused.
I'm sorry- I'm a *****. No matter what you do, you can not save me or help me. I am sick. I am a ****,only been with one man, not anymore, but I still feel the regret and shame we share. I feel guilt from things I've never done. And I do t know how to stop it.
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
Science class is boring. People are loud. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm depressed. My numbers have not been good when I rate my emotions at therapy. My mom overreacts to everything and does not listen to my side of the story like always. She acted like it was my fault that I got half credit on a late group assignment. Technical difficulties deleted everything and we turned it in a month late after redoing it. Half credit was generous.
I haven't been able to talk to Sage much recently... I miss him. He is right there and I hug and kiss him daily, but I miss him. I almost had time on Tuesday, but my mom took that away. I feel alone. I've thought recently that I'm ugly. I don't feel good about myself. I promised not to try again or hurt myself, so I found another way... I haven't eaten well recently, meaning I won't eat for a while and then I will binge on junk food... It makes my stomach hurt, but I don't care.
Anyway, I almost had time, and my mom said yes at first, but then I told her that school was good and she asked about the project. Then she said no. I was trying to explain. I may have raised my voice a little, but then she started screaming at me not to yell. I wasn't. Cell phones have microphones. And mine is broken, so it just made it worse. Everything piled up at once and I started to cry. He left before my mom got there and I just sat and cried. A police woman came just to ask if I was okay. I told her I was fine, just a lot of stress and my mom pulled up. I got in the car and she instantly badgered me about why I was talking to the police and when I told her why, she to,d me I was throwing a temper tantrum like a three year old. I told her I wasn't and then her catch phrase came out. I swear, she says it to me every day. "You're full of ****, Kaydee."
I wasn't having a good week to begin with, my numbers were bad all week. Since I only go to treatment once a week now, I keep track of my own numbers until I get back. I seriously contemplated trying again or harming again, but I didn't. I was proud, and thankful that I have at least five people to support me, my family not included. They go back and forth. Everything I do is wrong, I'm full of ****, I'm a liar, and then they love me and only care about helping me.
Do they even understand how difficult this is? We're they ever sent into treatment? Are they living my life with my teachers and my views and disorders? My parents have depression and have attempted, but they still don't get it. If they did, they wouldn't be doing this.

I just want to be let go. I was doing fine until this started. Therapy made it worse. I harmed after I went into therapy. I was pain-sober before then.

My therapy place called me again today. I don't know why they called me and not my mom, but whatever. I don't even care. Normally music helps with things like this but I'm shying away from my normal taste... I've been listening to more Death Cab For Cutie and Regina Spektor. All is well, though. Just softer than the screaming and explicit lyrics I'm used to. More meaningful and poetic, I think.

Well, I think I'll be done. Writing this helped, but I am still on the verge of tears. I need to be done.

   Sincerely, Kagami.
Ps. Yellow, for me at least is not a happy color.
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
The Maker
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kagami
Ribs and shaky fingers are not
A definition of beautiful.
A tear streaked face and a constant
Soreness in my voice are not cute.

I want to feel beautiful again.
I want to feel wanted again.

Every passing moment,
I feel less acknowledged.
Less looked at.

I've raided my mind for every answer to my questions:
Do you look at me like I'm beautiful?
Do you notice the little things?
Respect the small scars that I don't remember?
Do you realize how hard I fight for you and how close
I've come to trying again?
Do you ever cry for me? Pray for me?
Do you ever look at me just for the fun of it?
And notice every detail in my back while I'm not looking?

I want to feel needed again.
I want to know that I am wanted and not discarded.
That I am not a useless thing and a waste of air.
I just want to feel your eyes on me and feel the gentleness of your hands.

Do you ever shake out of fear for me?
Do you ever realize that I am in pain before I do?
D you realize that every time someone asks if I'm okay,
Even if I am, I start to cry because
There is always something to think about?
Do you ever think about how lonely and worthless I feel when I have no one there with me?
Do you ever worry about when I fall asleep, maybe I'm dreaming about my own death?
Do you ever get scared when I lock myself in my room and refuse to speak?
Do you ever wonder what it's like to be as jealous as I am?
Or wonder what it's like to be in my shoes with people talking behind my back and insulting me?
Sometimes physically pushing me?

I just want to feel loved again.
I miss you.
Can you please answer me?
 May 2014 Jindomess
Kaiden Faith
You know what?
You can shove a cactus up your ***.
You can also shove your 'know it all' attitude up there too.
You know what?
You make me want to throw myself off of a cliff,
And into a boiling pit of lava.
Why, you ask?
Because of all of the ******* feels you give me every ******* day.
That's why.
This May or May not be about a guy I like. Ha.
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