If home is where the heart is,
I know it does not lie with you.
For there is no stranger being that could embody it.
Although we were children,
you have lost your place in my mind,
my heart,
and whilst I keep myself as far from you as possible,
it seems you continuously find your way in.
Despite my best efforts
you are a force to be reckoned with.
Despite your best efforts,
so am I.
The newspaper came out with a story last week.
"Man Charged With Having Relationship With Girl"

What you’ve deserved all these years has
caught up with your running,
as you cannot run forever.
It's time we grow up.
Hide and seek is over.
All this time I thought I was the one who should be hiding.
Maybe, it should have been you.

I fell for your charm.
It started with the tattoos lining your arm,
each themed like the sea.
After beginning to see what we could be,
I told you that you were an ocean.
I always told you that you were deep,
and that being deep was okay,
that there was nothing wrong with emotions.
But I also told you I was terrible at swimming.
I started to try learning each day,
but I drowned in you,
and it seemed you did too.
I avoided decay
though you led me astray.
I wasn’t ready to learn,
and you, not ready to teach.
I needed your help but refused to beseech.
Just know I forgive you for bringing me such pain.
I’ve become stronger each day,
less selfish with personal gain.
And despite my knowing I will always feel worn,
if I feel too weak,
I’m never too far from shore.
Being alone is a struggle no more.

When we first met you told me I had bad habits.
I bit my nails when I was anxious,
I bounced my knee when I did something wrong.
I wasn’t very confident.
I took your words to heart,
and I tried changing those habits.
I hoped you’d notice each time I didn’t do them,
each time an alternative arose.
As I focused more and more on pleasing you than myself,
you grew distant.
I kicked myself ****** on my own two feet.
I attempted to be strong,
strong enough to love you when you couldn’t love yourself,
but it wasn’t enough.
It took me a while to adjust once you left.
Most of those habits returned.
I grew to accept them.
The few habits I dropped for good are the ones I don’t miss.
I suppose my worst habit of all of them was
loving you.

Music to my ears, the rush of water un-
mistakingly caresses my hand. I re-
member looking at my hand close to yours wishing
maybe you'd hold it and see.

Graciously, you leapt to me and be-
grudgingly I floated away.
Gracefully, you closed your heart and like
glass I shattered you, but still you stay.

Soft against you, I push and pull.
Straining to escape what I had begun
Simply because the answer was yes
So now my eyes blink hard in the sun.

I swim to you, but you're too far now
I have lost all hope of holding you
I submerge into the coolness of your gaze
I desire so much to be, not one, but two.

Licensed diver, I went too far
Longing now to swim to the very deep
Longing to dive into you, close to your heart
Living with your ghost, it's close enough to sleep

You, in my veins, pressure on my body
You, in my heart, pressure on my soul
You, in my mind, unlocking the chest
You, in my body, one with the wind you become.

1:42am
10/5/2015
i want to scream to the sky
the same sky that i told id love you forever
and you promised youd never leave
and scream with all the breath left in me
that i am terrible at keeping time
and you are terrible at keeping promises

I was advised by many women in their 30s
that I might always love you.
That I'd have to learn to ignore it and suppress it.
Well, I am.
I've been doing well.
When I think of you,
I think of what you did to hurt me.
But there are moments like just now,
when I saw the picture of you from the night we met,
where I can't help but feel.
Now the memories are flooding back again.
It's been about six months since you left,
and you're moving on.
I'm trying.
It's working, slowly and painfully, but I'm trying.

On the nights I accidentally sleep through the evening and wake when the sun’s long
gone,
I can’t help but think about how it feels like falling for you.
I say
this because it always shocks me, leaves me trying to figure out what’s going on.
It
gives me a loss of gravity, as though I’ve lost contact with the world for a while.
With
my being used to being alone, hearing your voice through my speakers brings
a
smile to my face. I can’t place the exact feelings. I have trouble wording it.
Shy
was never a word to describe me. But you’ve somehow shut me up, your
grin
alone catches my full attention. Whenever I talk to you, I feel grounded.
I
feel like gravity returns. That’s just it, I’m gravitated to you. Somehow, it’s
almost
like you’re the Earth itself. Perhaps I’m your stars, hoping you’ll make a
wish
on me. Take a chance on me. Perhaps, I’m even your moon. Maybe
you
look up at me when I’m hardly even here, a sliver. I do that a lot. I hate that I can’t be
saved
from rising and falling every night, because I worry you get tired of the cycle.
Me
and you together feels like a storm rolling in. The calm is long gone, the winds coming
from
the east coast, rolling through Wisconsin like a force only you could bring. By
myself,
I’d be intimidated. But knowing it’s you bearing the force brings no surprise. If
only
you knew your worth. I understand your fears, seeing as if I am the moon, and
you
are the Earth, I will inevitably leave your side for at least a while. But know I will
never
leave you. I revolve around you, and although I am not your sun, know that
even
when I’m gone, I am yours. Know that no matter what happens, I
**tried