I was smiling
With a crown on my head
I was pretty
And happiness
Shown in my eyes
But now....
There’s no more image
To define me
There’s no shape
To picture
How I looked like
Just dull colors
With torn paper
Stained with my tears
Unrecognizable.....
For I'm the faded portrait
That you used to paint
With love

-Jessa ©

I won't beg
To be loved
Nor I ever wanted
To love
But this memory
I keep it with me
Proof that I was in love
Until that love
Stained my dignity
With humiliation
And shoved me back
Into the darkness
A world I once knew

-Jess

Not a holy woman
Nor the devil I am
But still
Loving me
Has become your sin

Not a heaven’s man
Nor the demon you are
But still
Living with you
Has become my hell

Blood on my lips
Poison in your tongue
Still we kiss
Still we taste each other
Venom we are
But never a monster

Is this love
When our chemistry
Reacts disastrously
Or is it passion went wrong
When too many particles
Involved in our destiny

Toxic we are
But I guess
We’re addicted to misery
High with doubts …. Maybe
But still we drown
In the sea of love

-Jess

Roses bloom to your spoken name
Such a ****** to cut them
Yet to give them to you
Beauty to match
Love this trap
Your lips speak
Utter sweet poetry
As my hand goes under
I catch your fall
To break your walls
Giving all without words
Actions to bleed to prove
There’s no me without you
As no sand without sea
Be with me...
As the sun and moon rotate
Loving the sky... our fate
To collide so pure
I just want to erase your design
Rewrite this story love
Take away the pain, as your breath
Upon my lips, my name spoken the same
Redo love, renew... what’s been taken
To rework a false love
Into everything you’ve dreamed...
Into what we both can see

Such a beautiful melody composed
Whenever I utter your name
And words come out easy
To define the beauty of passion
Frozen in time
With your gaze
Such a wonder your eyes hold
Til I almost fall
Feel you there
To catch me
Give you all
For only with you
I want to be
Eyes looking at the same sky
As roses start to bloom
I knew I'm in love again
Another us.... with the same name
A rewrite romance
And the pain ends
Redo what's been missing
Taking what should have been placed
Rework the love..... renew the vow
To everything we've dreamed of
Clarity of fate as we can see

-Ashawn & Jess

Do you know
What it feels like
To call out your name
Knowing….
You’ll never answer me

Do you know
What it’s like
Living with the pain
Of missing you
Realizing….
You’ve erased my name
From your memory

So tell me
Am I to blame
If I burn the pages
Of our story
Knowing……
There’s nothing left
To reminisce

So tell me
Would it be wrong
If I scatter the ashes
Of our love
Realizing……
It has been ages
Since we cremated
Our love

-Jess

I worship your ghost
And I look for your shadow
But I've forgotten
That I'm the phantom
Running along the corridor
Searching.....
For my broken heart
That you keep in a jar
Too many pieces
Of bleeding love
You stored
Too many bottles of life
You've ripped out
Where's mine?!
I fall down to the floor
Drowning with frustration
Choked with anger
Knowing......
I'm just another additional art
Of the broken heart you've collected

-Jessa

From the depth
Of my broken heart
I send my love
Through the wind

From the depth
Of your broken heart
I feel the pain
In every beat

Maybe your hand
Never touched this skin of mine
But still.....
The caress lives within my soul

Maybe I've never seen you
Eye to eye
But the image of your face
Will never be erased from my sight

This longing
It's too painful to bear
Distance.....
It's tearing us apart
Where reality is nowhere
To be reached

I become.....
Something you couldn't embrace
Separated
By time and space

I'm the shadow
Of agonizing memory
No more me
As I fade into the darkness
Gone..... Within the night

-Jess / Jessabelle Autumn

To be defeated
Swallowing the pain
Without spilling tears
I hide everything in my smile

To be easily pushed away
Falling on the ground
With bleeding wounds
I pretend to be strong

To be blamed
Choked with false guilt
Suffocating in a thick haze
I struggle to breathe

To tell lies
Burying sorrow inside
Broken trust with faded faith
I still try to believe

But
I will never break free
For my love is vengeance
And always has been

-Jess

Counting the days
Living without you
Agony I hide
Behind this face

Counting the nights
Sleeping without you
Bury my sorrow
Within the pillow

My heart screams
Every minute
For this pain is too much
My mind is heavy
Restless.....
Carrying our memories

But where to reach out
When you're gone
Where do I run
When there's no escape
Where's home
When you took away the shelter

Dying inside
I hold your name
Tight.... Never to let go
For it holds
What's left of my serenity

-Jess

Again I bleed
Through this ink
Slashing the skin of this chapter
With this quill

Again I tear up
This heart of mine
Pouring the blood
From inside

And I take a sip
From the cup of words
Bitter taste of misery
On my tongue
As the poison
Kills me slowly
In my sleep

-Jess

No one knows
Hidden secrets
Behind this face of mine
To be shoved
Into a coffin
While I'm still breathing
Being forced
To sleep with fear
Every night
Nowhere to run
When your nightmares
Live inside

So I carry
The burden within
Dragging along the road
Leaving
The ****** trail behind
This curse
Will forever
Mark my skin
A condemned soul I am
In this life
But what's waiting
On the other side
When heaven
Erased my name
From the list of the guest

-Jess

Do you know what it’s like
To live with misery
Nightmares within reality
A constant fight
To stay awake so you won’t be killed
By insanity

Do you know what it’s like
To swallow **** from time to time
And not being able to puke
So it becomes your food
From day to day

My soul……
Has become the nest for wrath
My heart…..
Turned into the blackest pit of hatred
Tears has been dried
And I speak in silence
For this voice of mine
Has been sacred long after
My tongue stopped uttering a word

I’m not strong
Nor I’m weak
I’m barely hanging on
Helplessly here…..
Waiting to be invited
To rest…… for eternity

-Jess

The quill
Has become the blade
Slashing my emotion
With words written
Blood spills
On the canvas
Painting the portrait of misery
Every drop of heartache
Bring out
The painful image
And I swallow my pride
Showing vulnerability
In this piece of sorrow
When I keep slaying
My conscience
With the motion of this ink
Weakness shown
Teary eyes
As I **** myself
In this agonizing poem
Crafted by me

-Jess

Spilling blood
On this paper
Slaying my conscience
With words written
Such a painful art I present
By slicing the flesh of emotion
Bit by bit
I bleed through this ink
Not for amusement
Nor for attention
It's just an addiction
To feel sorrow
Through the quill
For agony has become
The food for my thought
And heartache
Etched upon my soul
Silent scream
Embedded between the line
This is who I am
An addict
For words of misery

-Jess

Looking at you through the moon
Trying to crack
What's buried inside your mind
Only to find out
That your thought lives
Within me

You may not searching for me
Through the moon
But you never realized
You're looking at me
In everything you see

-Jess

A collaboration


Hunting, the moon
Which of your shine glows from
A kingdom over satin skin
Stars around your head
Which I wished
Once grazed upon forever

Parting sky from sea
Is where I've fallen between
Soft lips and kind eyes
Caused a storm constantly when remembering
What you were inside of me
What you are...

Held breath into your return
Underneath my soul is burn
Where your cool energy can only calm
This unbalance of heart and mind
A connection blessed to be

Staring into open sky
Soaking in our rain
Calling to you
Of closed seeking...
Longing for thee

Parting from sky
I'm the moon
Shining above you
Where I paint stars
On your bare skin
Preserving my glow in you

Open sea, that's me
Welcoming you to bathe in me
For this water will calm
The rage of emotion within
Sealed with kisses
To remind you of me

Breathe me in
And feel my presence
For never once
I leave you all alone
To fight the storm on your own

Gazing upon the sky
Whisper to the wind
Feel me in the air
For I'm everywhere
Whenever you're longing for me

-Ashawn & Jess

Standing here
At the crossroads
I don't know
Which way to go
I'm lost
Scared.....
But alone
This journey must go on
So I take a step
Moving forward
But it's too heavy
For I'm dragging
The past with me
Reminiscing us
For it's what keep me going
And I'm still
Carrying your name with me
For my strength
Lies within those alphabets
Forgive me
Because I couldn't let go
But please allow me
To live with our memories

-Jess

Holding the pillow
Close to my chest
For my heart
Has shattered into pieces
Knowing.....
I'm losing you
Realizing......
You're fading away
From my life
Gone with the wind
But the memories
Stay with me
Scriptures we wrote
Will never be erased
For we left our souls
Within those words written
A memoir of love
Between you and me

-Jess

And I burn
The melody of love
This time
It's meant to be forever
As I scatter
The ashes in the air
I close my eyes
Praying for the wind
To take this pain away
Let my tears
Wash away
The wound inside
The worth in me
It's only for me to see
The remain of this heartbeat
It's only for me to breathe
Soon......
I'll rise again
And that moment
I will only live for me

-Jess

Lost
In the sea of regret
This burden of guilt
Keeps pulling.......
Me down under
I'm sinking
Into the abyss
Never once
I tried to fight the current
Nor to keep swimming
To the shore
For I'm ready
To be faded
Dwelling
With internal silence
I just let.....
The echo of my heartbeat
To be heard
Bit by bit
Slowly......
Til it stops
For eternity

-Jessa

Have you ever woke up
In the morning
And feel so empty
Knowing......
There's no more kisses
To greet you
No motivation
To start your day

Have you ever woke up
In the middle of the night
And reaching out
For the empty space of the bed
Wishing.......
He was there
To hold you all night long

But then......
You broke once more
Realizing........
Hope is fading
When he refused
To fight
The rough storm
Weaken
By the thunder
Threatened
By the lightning
So he took
The easy way out
Walking away
Leaving you here
Breathless.....
Mourning over his absence

-Jess

I was the star
Glittering
Up in the sky
Dancing upon
Your darkened sky
As you sing
The melody of passion
Until.......
You cast me out
From your galaxy
Far away
From your sight
Now......
I'm just a castaway
In this strange universe
I'm so lost here
All alone
Without a place to call home
Slowly.......
I'm fading
Consumed
By the dark hole
Surrender myself
To the emptiness
For there's nothing more
To show
When there's no stage
For me to perform
The musical of love

-Jess

Opened up my heart
Just to be hurt
Once more
What a fool I am
For believing in lies
And now  
I'm trapped again
In this painful solitude
Grieving over
Another death of love
Scattering
The ashes of burning pages
I sealed my heart
With determination
This time......
It's gonna be forever
For I've thrown
The key
Deep inside the ocean of sorrow
Never to be found
So never again
I could be killed
By the tongue of a man


-Jess

In my solitude
I have killed you
For a thousand times
By stood up alone
With no tears flowing
For I know
It will slay your pride
By being strong on my own

In my broken interlude
I have murdered you
Countless of times
With my sharp words
As the knife
I stabbed your ego
Within the rhyme
And I buried your name
In the tomb of time
And I caged your soul
Inside this bleeding piece of mine

But in my heart
Still I'm struggling
To chase away your image
Trying so **** hard
To erase the memory we created
I cleanse myself
With prayers
But you still haunt me
With memories
The ghost from the past you are
Tormenting my life
By reminding me of our scenes
Why can't you just die
So I won't commit another sin

-Jess

I praise your soul
Within this scripture
And I use your name
As the sentiment of love
Pouring my heart
In every line
Wish you could feel
The beat of sincerity
In every words written

But your eyes refuse
To give a glance
Blinded by your doubt
You close your conscience
And avoiding trust
Your perfect sight
Still gazing
Upon the dark sky
Clouded by the darkness
You fail to see
The light from the moon

If only you knew
This piece isn't about fame
It's simply a tribute
The expression of emotion
Between me and you
But you buried it
With ignorance
And so this manuscript
Is meaningless
To be left here alone
Untouched

-Jess

Stranded here
In the pit of confusion
Trying to crack your secret
Hidden in binary code
I'm struggling
To find a way in

Don't misunderstand
I'm not attempting
To breach your firewall
I'm just trying
To understand your flow
Looking for my name
Whether it's written
Somewhere in your heart

Or maybe you've erased it
Replaced with someone new
Another coding
For the program you called love
Because....
I am lost here
Not knowing
Where my place is
I'm everywhere
Scattering like broken pieces
Searching for a spot
To fit in

Help me
By defining who am I
Tell me
If I'm the subject in your life
Delete me
If I'm just a prototype
For your amusement
Or you can fix me
By rewriting the code
And make me permanent
Within your soul

-Jess

I yearn
To dance my fingers
On your skin again
I long
To take a sip
From your glass of passion
The memory of us
Playing the orchestra of love
Still lingering
Inside my head
The sound of you
Whispering my name
Still haunts me in my sleep
I wish
To fall in your embrace
And to taste
Your sweetest kiss again
To sit on your face
And to feel the magic
From your tongue
What a blissful torture
To be exploded
In the pool ecstasy
To hear
The exhausted voice
When we reched
To the pinnacle of intimacy
This thought
Just killing me
Knowing all I have
Just this memoir
Of a pleasurable moment
Between you and me

-Jess

I was the beast
Created by men
Equipped with a dark heart
I shut myself from affection
And my face.....
Only showed anger
For I carried
The seed of hatred
Slaying someone's heart
Came easy to me
For I was holding
The blade of vengeance
But now.....
I'm trapped
In this strange prism
I see the colors of rainbow
And my heart beats
Faster than before
Warm embrace from behind
Melt the frozen heart I own
Darkened sky has lifted
And I see
The glow of the sun
No more numbness
As I feel sensation
Within his touch
No more bitterness
For I taste the sweetness
Within his kisses
He's the monster hunter
And he caught me good
He tamed my wild character
With his love spell
And now I'm his prisoner
Willingly to be caged
Inside his ribs
Because he's my magic

-Jess

I praise your soul
Within this scripture
And I use your name
As the sentiment of love
Pouring my heart
In every line
Wish you could feel
The beat of sincerity
In every words written

But your eyes refuse
To give a glance
Blinded by your doubt
You close your conscience
And avoiding trust
Your perfect sight
Still gazing
Upon the dark sky
Clouded by the darkness
You fail to see
The light from the moon

If only you knew
This piece isn't about fame
It's simply a tribute
The expression of emotion
Between me and you
But you buried it
With ignorance
And so this manuscript
Is meaningless
To be left here alone
Untouched

-Jess

Starting.......
With a wicked smile
Leading....
To a passionate kiss
And as our tongues
Rolling together
My hands exploring
Your bare skin
And as I bite your lips
To tease your ego
There.....
You hold me tighter
And kiss me more
Every sound I make
Unleashing the beast in you
And every step you take
I buried my nails in you
I surrender myself
To every motion
And I keep sinking
With every *******
I beg for more
Keep pulling me down under
Drown me lover
In this ocean of ecstasy

-Jess

Just like the wind
The laughter we had is vanished
Into the air

Just like ashes
The pages of our story turned into dust
Scattered all over the place

And just like the mist
The memories we created
Gone forever killed by the sunrise

-Jess