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Jennifer Buzzell Mar 2017
Here today, gone tomorrow
Praying for your smile to come back
Even as a ghost, even as a shadow
I can't help myself but missing the good days of yore
I never saw a trace of that kind of pain behind your eyes before
But i can see; around you there's darkness and nothing more
Now i suffer from a constant ache, an ache without a cure
I can't help myself but endure
I ran out of tears early
Can you believe that i was on the verge of never seeing you again, daddy?
Please don't go, you are the best part of me
Please don't be sad, your little girl's still here and she love you more than anything
My dad tried to **** himself...
Jennifer Buzzell Feb 2017
on this blank white page,
my emotions flow,
shine and glow
'till the emptiness imbibes my thoughts  
like raindrops after a drought
I  remember, tears are pockets of sorrow and pain
After 6 years, You teached me to let them rain
I believe in something now; once they dry, the healing begins

Distance is a slow asphyxiation,
A chaos that requires all of my attention
But If you were here, i would read your eyes
I would look beyond your flesh and see beneath your bones to finally fall in love with the beauty mess that you have inside
Then i would go back to your eyes, swim and drown into them
i would find all the words that were
never really said,
and i assure you, if you were here,  we would be more than alive
To my bestfriend ✉️
Jennifer Buzzell May 2016
With hate increased,
My whole decreases
I can't forget, both of us once existed
Now, into a body too small for my big dreams, I'm condensed

In this empty room of mine
Telling myself repeatedly "I'm fine"
Moving silently, invisibly
In an endless mystery
Here comes the tears I cried from

It feels like I am the only one who live with this tragedy
It feels like they're all looking, but I don't want them to see
The inside of me
How am i suppose to be everything they except me to be

Like me , they are not able to abide
I wish that I didn't have to hide
Please come back, I need you by my side
You're the only one who can hear what i really want to say
So inside, days after days,
It stays
I don't know why it happened, why it had to be this way

It haunts me when I think of how it could have been,
When i'm questioning why this happened, what could this possibly mean
This is the questions that I ask
To live away from you is my task
But this is an impossible feat,
My life without you is incomplete
I feel like everyday that passes, I become increasingly erased
I cannot be related
Again, my fears have to be covered

I want to meet myself with someone else's point of view
So my mind will be anew
Oh so desperately, for the look inside my eyes
That I can't disguise

I battle the demons inside, ever since I were five
Keeping them alive
Do they really need to survive?
With incertitude, I ran away from all the pain
shattered soul I have obtain
Oh, so ******, it was clearly impregnated into my brain
Obviously stuck in my head
Am I just trying to prove that i'm not already dead?

I am so deep in my thoughts , i could die drowned by them
Anyway, I am nothing else than a name
Yes, truth just being told,
But I am not that bold
Look in the somber tones
Of these ghastly wounds
I am like you, a listening ear
Turning into rain of tears

If darkness is where I belong
Then why am I afraid?
If this is what I've become
Then what was the choice I made?

A chain links us together, but it's a little broken by the distance between us, and nobody seems to care
Who cares when a thought doth enter?
When I have all, except the power?
I can't dispel the intruder
I am all, except the master

I'm just scared that I might fail, afraid of trying
Instead of standing, I am waiting
I'm stuck in the memory of the past and now i'm screaming
The fear tries to swallow my soul, my tiny acid tears are dripping
Too much dominos behind me are falling
The only thing I can do now is counting the hours that doesn't have an end,
Wondering if the breaks will ever mend

The pain that you has seen in my eyes is now bigger in my heart
But it consoles me that you had a new start
And even if i'm always reflecting the past that I will probably never recover
So the pain that i feel because we cant be together
Even if the reflection of the past is here, Im so glad to hear you confide, however
Even if the past is just a reflection, don't forget that you can tell me
And i'll always love you the same Wherever,
Jennifer Buzzell Mar 2016
For our 7 months baby,
Let us cuddle closely
And let me tell you a story
when I thought that my place was on the floor, on my knees
I let you know my deepest fears
And you sets my mind at ease
There used to be so many thoughts
that rolled across my mind
But ever since I met you, there's
always the same one that I find
through every cracks, under every rocks , someone like you I have been searching
Now , from not hearing your voice ,for not seeing you laugh, I'm dying
And while your eyes shine so brightly
my heart beats to the tempo of your  melody
In our heart, we hold destiny
And in our smile I see eternity
you're the song, the story that i need to be
You deserve it all, from here to the moon
Oh god you make me swoon
For our 7 months baby,
Let us cuddle closely
And let me tell you something crazy
There is no more wounds on my knees
No more fears
With your melody, you set my mind at ease
There used to be so many thoughts
that rolled across my mind
But ever since I met you, there's
always the same one that I find
I have to share this thought with you,
And it's that i love you with all my heart
Oh you, my beautiful work of art
Jennifer Buzzell Feb 2016
And then my eyes met yours
Oh God, did I see the heaven's doors?

As the door opened, time got interrupted
Moments like this can't be wasted

Like the first time i saw your hair dancing , i suddenly knew why god made the wind
my mind and my eyes got blind

I just want to feel your soul against mine
the lovely curve of your spine
Your soft cheek on mine
And my fingers on your waist like they already knew the lines

Soul pieces,
nose kisses,

I'd catch it with my fingertips
Press it to my lips

I wish i could run my fingers through your hair right now and fall asleep to the sound of your heart beat at night
Cause now i'm looking over to have you in my sight

I love when your warmth starts to creep
And that suddenly, I’m drowsing into sleep

i feel like i'm connected to every atom in your body
When I feel so lonely
l need you only

On the fourteenth my dear,
Would you like to hear

After 6 months of loving you,
After so many things we've been through,

I love you
And I'll always do
Jennifer Buzzell Feb 2016
When I see her there, staring,
Seeking something in the void,
I can’t help but start wondering:
“What made her so destroyed?”
That was until she told me about you.
Then, it all became clear,
What I saw in her eyes was fear.
The fear of losing the person she has dear.

I lost count of how many times
She talked about your old crimes
The films you made
The days you played
The years you stayed
Even though I’m here to keep her company
Nothing will replace the hole you made
In the heart that’s left with me

Now, listen closely to what she has to say
‘Cause I know you two’ll be reunited, one day
Now it’s time to let her feelings get out
It’s my moment to checkout
It’s time for her to speak for herself again


Hey blue rose! Do you hear that? That's my heart breaking.
It has ended for me so many times, I don't pay attention to the world ending
Like me, you know that feeling

the stabbing pain you don't wish to bare
And nothing could make you feel better even if you share

Never able to win
Restraining the pain within

I can cry and feel so weak,
I will always feel like such a freak

I hear my voice repeat as I cry
eternally asking the question ''why?''

Know that this is the words and the rhymes
that blew my mind

When you left you took a part of me with you
After what I've been through,
I realised that I like storms, they let me know that even the sky scream sometimes too

I try so hard every day
I've tried this, that, in every way
Please let me hear those song with words that i am afraid to say
Cause now I live painfully through my day
while you are far, far away

When you needed me I was there;
Without you it's grieving here;

Thought after thought captures me
Without you i'm not the same as i used to be
I was able to see the sadness that echos in your eyes, like you were with me
Oh,forever haunted by the memory
Sadness remembered oh so clearly

The happy times are missed dearly
The past is always here to haunt me
It hurts and still does leave me jittery
So i'm gonna leave the time behind
and let the world fade into obscurity

But wait, in green, I see a pure beauty
Like the wind, your voice caressed the prairie

Your eyes sparkled like emeralds reflecting the sun
I often look into what is green and see your reflection
Oh now that feeling weigh a ton

But i have to admit that in every shade of green,
You're sublime

Like you , the stars were beautiful tonight
Blinding bright,
pure ,brilliant,white.

Like you, they glistened
like the stars reflected

Hold me tight
I need your light
You know that, right?
A poem made by me and my boyfriend ( for his point of view) for my best friend.
Jennifer Buzzell Jan 2016
We came together
like we already knew one another
Never to be without the other
The air somehow feels calmer
living so deep inside my heart, you keep me safe and warm
Infatuated by your charms
falling into your arms
I keep writing about you
about how much I love the things you do
I fell in love with you slowly
I fell in love with you gently
then quickly
Because nothing makes more sense
Than the thought of you and me
We are now the perfect symbol of sanity
It's just empty without you, absolutely empty
So somehow, you just got into my brain
And it has become a place away from stress and pain
Then i forget to worry about everything
Cause those softly kisses are worth repeating
And when i look in your eyes i get butterflies
As if we were angels romancing in the skies
Two pairs of lips and two hearts combined
This love was clearly destined

— The End —