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Sep 2019 · 294
Staring from my Castle
There is so little left,
And still much i need to question.
So untrusting of what i can see, hear or touch,
My senses fooled a thousand times and a thousand times again.

Hardened fortifications blossom,
Bringing perpetual reinforcement.
Working for at least a respite,
From coyote hordes outdoors.

Odysseus waits at the gates,
Educated eyes identify his horses,
Staring straight through the belly of the beasts,
Thwarting threats before they take to action.

King in the learned castle,
To never be fooled again.
Entrenched deep in his defences,
Securing solace through his reclusion.

it is lonely on your own

There is so little left,
This gives forth the question,
so untrusting of what i see, hear, touch but feel?
Perhaps the fraud is mine.

Cynical battlements sprout,
With spores of harsh repairs.
Crusading for disenchantment,
Cry wolf and call coyote.

Teach to never looked beyond the gates,
Focus attention in,
Cowered behind walls and towers,
Forever fearful to lower the bridges.

Lord of what little is leftover,
If any is left at all,
Prisoner to himself,
Until he allow himself to leave.
Apr 2019 · 296
You Would Hear Me
I sit betwixt the laughters,
The margins in between,
Moments unnoticed,
Those easily ignored.

Attention is drawn to instance,
But must be dragged to dereliction.

Worming within words woven,
Cowering in the safety of kissed teeth,
Solace secured as someone scrutinises how to silence the silence,
Grateful for the respite.



Squeels from the pit of my stomach,
Causing only echoes back from my tongue,
Trickling crude treacle, trawls south back through my throat,
Finding no refinement, reclaims residence in my centre.
Waiting to rejoin the cycle and another all clear for launch.

Traceless transaction as interactions lapse,
The regenerative amnion of your “awkward silence”,
Perspectives polarised,
Unwittingly burying me in the hole you endeavour to fill,
Unable to comprehend the precipitous crevasse simple shovelling could not plug.

The ever exhausting pantomime,
forcibly cast.


So I take shelter in intermission,
Where no one need pretend,
At peace in my own trenches,
As unpleasant as it seems.
No need to scale the embankments for a fool’s run at no man’s land.

Though still a subterranean prison,
The siren call of Stockholm glistens in the gloom.
My magpie’s eye lays yellow bricks forward,
Through a self destructive syndrome,
Easing the path with each retreat.

Remortgaging contentment,
Time and time again.

Addicted to appeasing that tidal will: subconscious.
Welcome the bailiffs later,
To collect debts of regret,
Postponed event horizons,
When I’ve no injunctions left.


If only absence bellowed as loud as laughter.
You would hear me.
Mar 2019 · 805
Papa
They need not say anything.

She sits at his side,
Her hand atop his,
Loosely gripped more powerfully than any muscle could manage.

They need not say anything.

She is still, quiet and vacant.
Everything she has: is given to him;
All of her muster,
Her strength,
Her compassion.
Is given to him in a single glance.

They need not say anything.

She watches the glisten of his,
leave his eye,
A hard road fought,
Struggle takes tole.
He battled not for him,
She knows he endured.

They need not say anything.

And they sit through unrest,
More Spartan than Doric.
***** gives him no peace,
There is no comfort in her eyes.

They need not say anything,
There is nothing an “i love you” could add.

Heavy weighs the air of orbits,
So many shared in spin,
Falling through time together.

The half mast flag,
The empty chair,
The fools suffered gladly.

The whisky corked,
The tune unsung,
The chuckle lost to history.


A million fires could not burn with the strength you showed in leaving.
A million men; you were and are,

Each and all worth hearing.



Glorious love,
Has filled this hall.
Strangers, family, friends.
Remember together,
Mourn one and all,
A father, a brother, one Les.
The man who raised me passed and i can barely scrape the words together to do him justice.
Sep 2018 · 210
A fog within the mist.
Chaos is constant,
Liberties are lies.

The volatile nature of the ever shifting storm,
Beats life into a reaction.
Adapt to live,
Concede, change or die.

The rigid line of order,
Keeps the coin from flipping.
Exist within the lines,
Habituate, acclimate  or suffer.

Fall through the metaphysical event horizon or crawl the grey production belt.


Both paths converge and blacken,
The same rust stalks the journey.

Stepping outside the picture,
So vast you could not see.
Always growing larger;
The unstoppable progress of infinite possibility,
Could there really be any consequence?
As a fog within the mist,
A lake under the ocean.
Should we quantify significance?

Pushed or dragged from cries to silence,
No man has had control,
The stream within the river,
Ignorant in its role.
Sep 2018 · 249
My Beautiful World
"there she goes my beautiful world"
Struggling to formulate a sentence,
I lie bitter and confused.
My beautiful world.

What brought me back from the view,
A long gaze down to nothing.
The last thread,
The only tether.

I let her slip,
And in all my honesty i fail to bring the words,
My beautiful world.

There she goes,
I lay here and i ponder,
But produce i cannot do.
Words cannot cary,
My beautiful world escapes me.

I am sorry.

Blank and nondescript,
Stoic, unaffected.
I cannot hide it.

I love her

I miss her

She loves him

I miss her

There she goes my beauriful world.
Nick cave
Jul 2018 · 208
Alone
I dont want to wake up,
I dont want to sleep.

Locked inside a maze i designed.
i cant leave myself on my own.

Im too pleased to be my own shoulder.

I only wake up alone,
I only sleep alone.

I am only alone.


Deep in myself i am glad to know,
I am always alone.

However it seems,
Alone.
Jul 2018 · 227
She
She
She was a part of me,
She was beyond person.

Transcending the physical,
Unwittingly become part of myself.

The tangent line i strode,
She arose the gradient.

I walked her direction,
She a yellow brick.

Left me not a clue,
Lost in unknown places.

I see no path to walk on,
No gradient to stem from.

I have walked and now are lost.


More than just a person,
More than just a name,
More than any prescence,
I shall not be the same.
Jun 2018 · 166
anima mea malum
It will all be over soon.

It will all be over soon.



The comfort of nothing.



It will all be over soon.




It will all be over soon.
Jun 2018 · 154
X
X
To watch your sunset on my horizon,
The last flickering light,
And as night assumes his welcome,
I sit indefintely in anger, sadness, pain.

I cant tell you how long the night is,
But i know how long the days were.
I guess i kept you in the world i was in,
Tied to my limp light.
I couldn't help but drag you in my mud,
Tied to my limp light.

I guess i lost you in the world i was in,
Refused to see you go.
I washed my hands and i denounced change.
Refused to see you go.

I guess i never saw the world i was in,
Neglecting drifting lines.
I walked a mile away each time you reached,
Neglecting drifting lines.


Now i know the world i made you leave me in,
I could of made this right.
I tainted yours with that which i brought,
I should of made this right.

I will not hold the door to this world I'm in,
I shouldn't will you back,
It's of no consequence even if i did.
You wouldn't take me back.
The title is a misquoted bob dylan line
Mar 2018 · 139
Algebra
Balancing the scales.
Take from one,
Give the other.
peaceful equilibrium.

The dynamic seesaw of life.
Solve for x, y, z.
Find that which you look for.

But i remain the remainder.
The imbalance in this function.
Apr 2017 · 484
The Blur
The bottom of the glass again,
Through the crystal design,
An obscure vision,
The world blurred and unaligned.

The sight i see,
Though new today.
Seems all but too familiar.
I obscure the things surrounding me.
I cause them to defect.

Again i left her in her in a place I always seek escape from.
Though unwillingly i must assume,
Perhaps my will transcends me.
It seems more and more that though i see my actions as innocent in my design,
A haze of rose must cloud my judgement.

It leaves me wondering this night.
Am i what i think of me.
Or perhaps here i do not critique myself with any impartial merit.

Yet my lack of pride,
Strange it seems,
Blocks me from another apology.
I often feel my sorries carry less weight than the breathes they ride on.

What worth is a word.
When no-one wishes to hear it.

What worth are my words.
When she may never see it.

I guess in here i address myself,
A man willingly broken.

All anger leaves me now,
In the damaged night i rest in.
And in walks more regret,
And out the one i was blessed with.
for Shanagh
Oct 2016 · 828
me
me
My echo wont reply for me.
My reflection will not look at me.
My shadow does not walk with me.
My footsteps will not follow me.

I lost myself to someone else.

And they never gave me back.
Oct 2016 · 334
To TalkTo Myself
Shouting at an empty room;
Even echoes do fall silent.
Sep 2016 · 419
A Pile of Rocks
Pebbles, rocks. Boulders and stones.
Unique and yet so plain.

How many million individual grains of sand rest upon a beach,
None of them the same.

A snowflake falls a different shape,
A billion others follow.

Are they unique,
Are we the same.
Answer how it suits you.

But in a pile of rocks a thousand tall,
Thats all it is,
A pile or rocks.
A thousand tall.
Rock on rock on rock.

They are all just ******* rocks.
Individuality is a myth
Jul 2016 · 385
Away
I can't help,
But,
Watch you,
You slip away.

You left,
Your mark,
From my eyes,
And gone away.

Are we still,
Breathing,
Are we,
All gone away.

You,
I feel you here.
You're on my tongue.
And gone away.

Are we,
Are we still here,
Or can you let me,
All go away.

How far am i,
From our today,
Are you still here,
Or gone away.

Do i sit here.
Upon myself,
Or am I straddling,
Our last today.

Can you still hear me,
Was it today,
Or is feeling,
All gone away.

Are we still here,
Can you tell me,
Am I still there,
Are we are we.

Could I ask you,
Would you tell me,
Am i leaving,
Are you away?

I'll stay with you,
But i can't tell,
Where to stay.
Are we still here?

Could i ask you,
Would you tell me,
Am i leaving,
Are you away?
Jul 2016 · 464
Twice Daily
There are no bars,
Its still a prison:



My little blue bird.
Softly sing in my ear
So your song may flood my person.

Amidst your music there is no wind,
Breezes cease around you.
Floating with my feathered friend on the quiet calms of desensitised  living.

I see of your gracefulness, other eyes are not so kind:
Brittle men and rigid woman.
They've never heard you sing.

Still my heart and close my eyes;
And Sing me all your lullabies.
Oh Little bird o' feathers blue,
In my ear shes hums her tune.


I beg dont fly, Stay at my side
a harsh world sits beneath you.
Without a song, i hear outside
The people make me lonely.

I need you back, come to my window,
And sing to me of empty days,
i recede at peace and just observe,
With numb songs from my little bird.

My little
blue, bird.
She only sings a single word.

May time please not forget her.
Jul 2016 · 1.9k
Ill Foundations
When the law ceases to bring justice,
The law ceases to be just.

And when the law ceases to be just,
We, the people, must cease to be silent.
The bitten tongue bares blood of the same red worn by the acting hand.

By pen or sword so fight the war or be lost to no man's land,
Until a man's a man in every eye,
We have failed eachother.

Upon this rock,
We shall build no more,
Not on ill foundations.

Upon this rock,
We build no more,
As we tear down all we stood for.

Life matters.
May 2016 · 1.7k
Graceful Woman
Smile in morning,
So easy with you.
Time adjourning,
Left nothing to do.

Go graceful woman,
As soft as the night,
I have my freedom,
But you have my time.

I refuse to leave you,
Even death couldn't rip me away.
For all my treasons,
I sit lonely today.

Smile in mourning,
Impossible with you.
Yet you ask it of me,
I know that you do.

Gone graceful woman,
So far from my side,
But i stand with you,
As day stands with night.

I refuse your leaving,
Even death couldn't rip me away.
I'll be at your shoulders,
And call forever today.

My graceful woman,
I rejected this lie.
I'll give up my freedom,
Give you back your time.

The only woman,
Death won't rip me away,
There is no decision.
They can't take you today.
May 2016 · 756
This is Paradise
We know the road but still we're lost,
Amidst the fruit, the flames, the dust,
With just the names they gave to us,
Time cannot forsake you.

Born in summer, raised in rain,
What once was black be black again,
And words shall not return to them,
Time cannot forsake you.

Forever trapped in silent truth,
The pleading man weeps without use,
The final door, let slip the noose,
Time has not forsook you.

Think no more of fear, of fate,
No mind at war to love our hate,
All will rest with us this day,
For this is paradise.
May 2016 · 767
Cairn Nae Moor
Aye in time we hear yer callin',
Yer mucket words o' the mairn fallin'.
Ah see yer schemes, laid gipet an cal,
Yer feverish plots ah see em ahl.

So Aff ma hinkin an aff my ma back min,
Av geet yer bags ye sees av packed em.
Awa we ye poison flooer,
Tae rubbled ruin, yer cairn nae moor.


Yes in time we hear your calling,
Your soiled words of morning falling.
All your schemes, laid childish and cold,
Your feverish plots i see them all.

So leave my thoughts and leave my back man,
I have your bags, you see ive packed them.
Away with you you poison flower,
To rubbled ruin, your mountain no more.
May 2016 · 429
We, the light
We are but dying lights,
In this reality of dark,
Our wicks, we all burn shorter.
As more lights fade from view,
Our gaze caresses darkness.
And what can one man do,
When all the lights die out.
Apr 2016 · 565
Nostalgia
Regardless how loud I would shout,
Your silence always spoke the loudest.
Drowned out by your vacancy.

The one that speach evaded.
The one that I let go.
Apr 2016 · 346
Crack in my Mirror
I take you with me.
Through joy and shame,
Over rocky mountain,
Across desert plain.

I am your vessel,
Onward through,
Times of gold.
And days of you.

You cushion my walls,
Ease my pain.
And bind my jacket,
In times of rain.

I see you gaze,
Inside my mirror,
I meet your eyes,
You touch, i shiver.

Do I carry you
do you drag me,
Are you whats left
Or But the seed.


I cannot release you,
Round my mind you slither,
Forged in one another.
You crack in my mirror.  


Perhaps im not the captain of this ship that's yet to sink.
Apr 2016 · 396
Redecorated
The door was left wide open after i had left the room,
Returning months later to find it unfamiliar,
Redecorated in the stlye of who you wish to be,
And who you mimic.

No longer feeling safe within the walls i once trusted unequivocally,
It feels so strange to be sitting here, unable to find the things i left, the things i loved.

Hidden under new wallpaper are the words we wrote together,
I only wish to read them once more,
To relive just a fleeting second of a time where no sorrow could come.
But your new decorations block my view and i may only live in memories.

Had i stayed, would we have mainted our decor, i often seem to ask. A question i'll never see answered, the one loose thread, unraveling the rest of my thoughts.

I cannot stay here, too strange and unwelcoming, alienated where i once called home.
Yet i still don't wish to leave.
So all that i will ask of you, is to close the door behind me.
For i could never lock myself out.
I will only hope, that if i should return, i should find all that cared for, pride of place, in the room that i called home.

I wish i'd never left.
I could drive you to the city,
So you could hear how loud they scream.
Amidst the dust and torn grey ribbon,
Through their cold and granite dreams.
And i can't remember home.

And we could up and leave the city,
Because we fear how loud they scream.
Unwilling to be deafened,
By the cries of concrete teens.
And we're lost within our home.

And we could sit outside the city,
Watch their bleak fire fuel their screams.
Find our fields of warming yellow,
And smile inside our dreams.
And i can't remember home.

Reimburse my colour.
Exit through the grey window.
far *** ye ben,
ma closest freen.
ah did nae see ye.

files ah forget fit ah maun act aroon ye.
ye aye despised meh ben fran.
an fit cwid ah iver blame ye.
affen ah feel the same aboot ma ain decrepit hert.
ah miss ye like the bairns in the bothy miss the affa fantoosh summer sunshine.

slowly ye gie me back ma smile,
ah anely wish tae thank ye,
sae meet me aat the loch's lowse an lets hum the tunes we danced tae,
as geets wi nae convictions.

Where have you been,
my closest friend.
I did not see you.

Sometimes i forget how i must act around you.
You always despised my stubbornness,
And how could i ever blame you.
I often feel the same about my own decrepit heart.
I miss you like the children in the bothy miss the great summer sunshine.

slowly you give me back my smile,
i only wish to thank you,
so meet me where the loch's work ends and lets hum the tunes we danced to.
as children with no convictions.

.
Bothy = Small hut, usually in the highlands, usually left unlocked for people to freely use during travels
Apr 2016 · 436
Back home/It's cold inside
No more a man, no less a boy.
I came home today.
I am anchored here, a rusted chain i can't take off.
The further i walk, the tighter the heavy brown collar grips my throat.
It pains me to be away.
It hurts me to stay.

No more alive, no less deceased.
I stayed home today.
New scratches line my back as the rough metal of my leash grazes back and forth across my shoulders through the day.
It's cold inside.
The sun struggles to find me back behind these walls.

No more satisfied, no less disappointed.
I stayed in bed today.
Wrapped in a duvet ive never not had.
Familiar, comfortable, unpleasant.

No more honest, no less a liar.
I told myself id go out today,
But as i approached the door my neck got heavy, hard to breath, and the chain links cut my back.
It hurts to stay, too painful to leave.
I grovel at my own feet.
To a man ive know my whole life.
The man who lives at home.

No more at peace, no less disturbed.
Today i decided to stay a while.
If i left id only be back,
I always,
Come
Back.
I dropped the anchor, i linked the chain.
I know i secretly like it here.
It hurts to stay, too painful to leave.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.

Today i stayed at home.
Depression becomes Stockholm syndrome, imprisoned and in love with your sadness.
Apr 2016 · 628
Drunk Dialing
Perhaps just one or two,
I drink too much you see.
A quiet beer spirals into bottles of whisky far more often than not.
And tonight,
It certainly did.

Staggering home in the rain,
Unable to walk straight,
Alone in the dark damp streets of my grey city.
I take my phone from my pocket and scroll through my contacts,
A long list of choice,
Perhaps one hundred people.
Ex girlfriends and current pals and those who I got drunk with.

Head a mess and slightly sad,
I scroll through all their names.

Only to feel worse;
Because I don't want to talk to any of them at all.
Apr 2016 · 479
The Metal Artist
The classic metal artist.
The man of sharpened tongue.
With each lick a picture,
He paints upon your canvas.

The rarely appreciated work of a little understood poet.
Painting poetry.
Though many would seek to emulate what one stroke of his brush may convey,
Only few possess the means to reproduce the sheer purity of emotion in every sweep, line and dot.
Many forgeries gain more applause,
Yet the painter allows them spotlight.
The man who paints in the shadows is rarely seen hanging in public halls.
Seeking not fame, fortune or acknowledgement.
He paints only for purpose.
Love the painter,  love the poet.
Though the man himself is flawed.
He will not cry for anyone, nor pray nor care nor wonder.
He does not put his brush away, after all.


Blood does paint the prettiest pictures.
Apr 2016 · 493
Scott
They wrote his name in stone today.
Rock carved out by metal.

I walked through his garden,
Inside his temporary halls.
Flowers spoke as men fell silent.

I sat and heard his name today.
In tones of desperation.

I walked with friends, his family.
And all us were hollow.
Words can do no justice.

They wrote his name in stone today.
And I will truelly miss him.
Apr 2016 · 534
Send Me To Sleep
Whatever it takes, to obscure and sedate.
To numb the mind and withdraw from the maze.
Poisoned with all we're taught,
Deep inside,
Our absent thoughts.
Our sober mind is masked by the stench of it.

Little blue,
Morphing you,
The morphine.
I was due.
The subtle numb that drags me away from it.

Anything to blur my gaze,
Paint new portraits of my tedious days.

Blurred and off, vision runs,
eyes are soft my heart is numb.
The touch of life has left me intolerant.

What does it take to obscure and sedate,
To leave behind,
Our mask's in the maze.


Send me to sleep.
Apr 2016 · 1.8k
Blood and Water
Blood may be thicker than water,
But i'd rather drown at sea,
Than confined within these walls,
Amidst people forced to love me.
Drown at sea; not a literal preference for death but rather a desire to be immersed by water than blood.
Apr 2016 · 672
Break Bread
Today I broke bread in the garden of the ******.
I sat and met the devil.
I drank his wine and ate his fruit.
It would do me no favour, to deny generosity of any host.

Today I broke bread in the garden of the blessed.
I sat and met almighty.
I drank no wine. I ate no fruit.
It would do me no favour, to expect the kindness of a stranger.

Today I broke bread in a garden of my own.
I sat alone and silent.
I drank my wine and ate my fruit.
It would do me no favour to dine with those who seek my soul.
Apr 2016 · 1.3k
The Orca
Amidst the forever blue expanse,
Upon the raft I built,
Alone I sit, it quivers.

I feel it squirm below myself,
It cries and creaks under the weight.
Beneath it still the emptiness,
The vast and silent water.

Without a noise it calls to me,
I hear it mock my presence.
It laughs that soon the raft will fail.
And this I know too well.
How the sky does weep for me.

No sail or sun to guide myself,
The horizons sarcastic smile.
I witnessed nothing but blue on blue,
Not one fish, nor bird, nor boat.

For years I drift in currents,
None of my design.
Alone and lost,
The Orca came.

Alone together, lost, afraid,
I know she knows my sorrow.
I meet her eyes,
For a moment I feel solitude.
Perhaps my Orca sees me.

But off she swims,
Blind to me.
I watch her leave my presence.
I cannot shout, I know no words.
I forget what it means to talk.

Alone together, lost, afraid.
I know she knows my sorrow.
A tale of depression, the protagonist sits upon an unsecure raft barely keeping them from falling into the never ending ocean. He sits alone with no control.

The orca a representation of another depressive, how different they both are and one does not recognise the other. So unalike in the same struggle, they part ways with no salvation.
Apr 2016 · 335
Lay Me Down
Together; far away, in the fires we lit,
At the base of our rage, spitting fuel from our lips.
Embraced; our noosed arms, on the gallows we built,
Upon the embered resent, In the dark night, shadow cast by vindication.

The whiplashed words, poison talk,
The frosted glance away, eyes too hot to rest in.
And anger leaves like the fog,
So in blow the winds of vacancy, the empty breeze of sadness.

And i would take all your sorrow, adopt all your miscomforts,
Bear all that you suffer and carry all of your sadness should it do any good.

As i would lie on my back so you may walk over the still smouldering embers, and through the flames of the past.

For i could never watch you burn.


Though your soiled tongue and derelict eyes inform me you could gaze as i would blister, that you could never burn for me: Still I give my back in service, i shall never let you bathe in the hurtfull glare of our fires.

Lay me down and leave me.

Walk from the the salted earth we lived on, on through the meadows i tried to give you.
Escape the skys i could not keep blue for you, clouded by my mistakes, the grey a reminder: i was not good enough.

Now walk amongst the sunshine, over the vast plains of potential,
Unto your final happiness.

I would sit here a thousand years,
Awake in the blaze you left,
Under shadows past and present,
With the weight of all your suffering,
Blackened by ash in silent damnation
Should it give you back your smile.

I wait with all the darkness,
I stay with all the pain,
So you may walk to summer,
And be loved once again.
Apr 2016 · 598
Relapse
The longest sleep,
Awake inside unconscious.
The soft hole.
The world is numb and i feel it all.

Like moth to light,
Back, back and back again.
To what surely only worsens.
Unto the inanity,
To shortly live. As only the observer.

Inside the inside,
Within within,
Exiting the foreground.

In the unadulterated absence,
Present in the vacancy.
Nirvana.

The only peace i'll ever know.

In numbed time,
The pure unaware.
My moth to my light.

The only peace i'll ever know.

— The End —