keeping me satisfied
sensations in my body arise
tingling vibrations
goosebumps jump on my skin
the taste of you, keeps me alive
all through the night
baby, your so fine
can't resist temptations

ok im sorry
i cant help myself by sitting from behind this laptop
and complain
i know im the poison that drives myself insane
and speaking of this door
that slams right in my face
i don't know what im doing anymore
i cant help in feeling this way
puts myself in dismay

im built behind this screen
i write to free me
but you don't really know me
you might never know me

in my heart
in my soul
through my brain
nobody knows

read me like a book
so recycled
used to the idea of me
as i'd ever be free
you know life  is pretty funny when it tries to  plays me
am i really free or stuck in a place of hiding

heart pounds in my chest
this feeling has me wrecked
my mind going reckless
but thinkin bout you makes me stress less
ideally i never let anyone in
why start something i'm scared to begin
all they really do is leave in the end
lately about you i've been questionin
you really find ways to get under my skin
you shine on my world & light up my heart
looking at you like my fav piece of art
talking to you from sunrise to dark
you touch my skin , leaving your mark
what if i take a chance and leap
well **** than i'm falling to deep
i see you in my dreams , at night when i sleep
the memories we share , forever i will keep

tell me ,
am i worth it?
did i do everything to deserve this
the sun it shines so bright on your skin
while the waves speak to me
saying “this is it”
i’ve found bliss
as i dig my toes into the sand
appreciating all i have
i would never change a thing
that helped me get right to this day


it was worth it

butterflies in my stomach
or is it just nerves
I feel all too much
to feel such a bug
with wings that could soar
I could never

a few moments being in your presence
cause me to overthink every situation
hundreds down the road of my brain
catch a breathe just to keep from going insane

these emotions are dangerous
never would I recommended
it's unraveling thinking about you


do you feel the same?
is this all a misconstrue?
a dream? or living humility

a symbol of butterflies creeps into my soul
don't understand if this is good or bad
time will tell
half glass or full

or maybe the glass is crushed..

I wanna see the world
through your eyes
take me on an adventure
lately, I haven't gone out much
but I'm willing to quench
my thirst
willing to jump through obstacles
like it's the Olympics
the only game that id want to play
is if I'm going to win
rocky mountains
pacific ocean
take me on a destination
I want to kiss your lips
over the sand dunes
I want to taste your skin
in a world-class museum
so why don't you take me
book me a flight
where we sleep all-day
and up all night
the kind of adventure
the one I would write
if only I could see into your eyes

The room fades into pure darkness, diminishing any light left. Chills start to consume my skin as my breaths tremble. It's quite difficult to describe my perception of this situation. Identifying the thin line between existence and the anonymous remains unexplained.

gently wipe away your tears
as my finger grazes your flushed warm skin
i lock my eyes inside yours
and attempt to take away your pain

"don't worry baby", i whisper, "I'll take care of you."

soft kisses as our lips collide
wrapped in my arms, holding you tightly
if only just for tonight, a shoulder to cry on

if you're willing to fall , I'll be here to catch you.

really don't want to type
words onto this screen
when I could be making them real
if only you agree with me
then we could have
a playful cross over with words

crazy how I feel indestructible
or untouchable
my soul attracts
what it craves
no less than another soul

one that matches equal energy
what is given, shall be received
if another experience is what the signs sent to me

‪it all felt like a dream‬
i woke up still feeling the same
look out to the window pane
the weather seems to match my mood
a little dark & clouds with gloom
raindrops pitter patter on the glass
i can't continue to wear this mask
although i wear it well
everyday conversations couldn't tell
my heart weighs heavy ,
my souls drifting away
this pain feels deadly
much like decay
maybe one day i'll be like you
i'll look out the window all sunny & blue
smiles & laughs , grinning cheek to cheek
at least that's what i view, so to speak
if only others could see me clearly
right thru this melancholy i continue to wear
but nobody sees bc nobody cares.
i can't seem to speak up , nor wouldn't dare.
& maybe that's life , never fair.
but i continue to wish waking up from this dream
at least that's what it feels like running thru my bloodstream
only emotion i ever posses
only one i never forget.

say you just wanna be friends
there's no love lost if it ever ends
no hard feelings
can't be hurt if i was never searching
within the distance,
people lurking
while im stuck in a daydream
swear ... you don't know anymore than me

friends it is
but what is the definition
the true meaning
two worlds intersection

hearts in one
minds another
undercover lover but you'll never be discovered

you and me
friends forever
ill never find another

the rain hits the side of my window pane
the beats of my heart begin to change
so in darkness comes to light
of what i might face
perhaps some might call it a hurricane
mixed emotions
of thoughts
gentle water turns quickly into oceans
never knowing what may be brought
the wind briefly alters
& than comes to a halt
when will it stop
so i glance out my window
looking over to the dark clouds
how much power they have
& i make a wish that my problems will drown
down to the drain
along with the pain
for i will no longer fear
the deep dark hurricane

all this time
my whole life has been a lie
from deep inside
living always felt like a crime

you might be like me
but I am not like you

self defining
im only into me
conceded
but its reality
this is my life
that we're talking about

so i'll chase after my dreams
i'll find ways
no more make believe
im self defining
me
myself
and I

I cry myself to sleep at night
if you only knew what it takes to be alive
if living is a crime
I'd be in jail for the rest of my life

how can you live in a world like this?
making you beg for everything

do you believe in true love?
do you believe in happy endings?

I know it's hard
it's hard to face the world alone

these tears have dried
if only for tonight
when I close my eyes
I think of a dream
          
                         it's you and me,
                          having the picnic of our lives
                          nobody to bother us,
                         stuck in disguise
                        frozen for just a moment in time
                         all I need is to have you here with me

what is the need to live?
the need to exist?

already stuck in this mind felt prison
handcuffs on my brain
I've already gone insane
it's too late to reach my heart
I tore that **** apart
it's all over the floor

who are you to judge me?
you know absolutely nothing

nothing about me


don't even try.

sometimes a person shows interest in you. "you look beautiful today" & so those simple words make you fall . fall for him or perhaps it's the idea of him. he smells good , you ask to borrow his jacket so you can feel secure as if your wrapped up in your own little cocoon , filled with nothing but him & you. your safe now , nothing could get to you.  his lips are sweet and soft. kisses you so gently that eagerly you want more. that look in his eyes.that look that made you understand the saying 'the eyes are doors to the soul'  for sure you knew this could be real , how could it not? he took you out , you met his friends & showed you off as you would vicariously have make out sessions right in front of them. but you didn't care bc you were in love. young love. young naive love. but than that's the idea of him. bc he leaves you and your heartbroken. your clothes drenched from the tears he left behind. how could he? just leave like nothing. to forgot all that's happened over a few months. but if you take a step back than you would have noticed. how walking hand in hand down the street , smiling & laughing but too much to notice he'd be eyeing all the girls that walked by. or was it at that party where you searched for him after coming back from the restroom only for him to say he also went to the restroom. but clearly you would have seen him , wouldn't you? but you were naive. and so you trusted him. nothing could go wrong. but when did things start acting strange? & so you relive every night you went out. or fought. or kissed. or was it after ***? that's when he stopped all of the little things. & maybe you did notice he wasn't that into you anymore. so you gave him more ***. thinking that would make him stay. in his mind you were old news already. tiresome. & he was ready for a new fling. & you were left to pick up the pieces that he had broken.

he had broken you, into two.

she didn't even know her last breathe
he didn't worship the time that he had

somehow fate got intertwined

these two beautiful souls
had no idea it'd be the last time
the last time that anyone knew                         -repeat-
of

grew up a sweetheart
that everyone adored

was the homecoming king
that everyone pursued

little did you know
the battle behind it all
struggling imperfections
little to no affection

life contributes to derail downwards
no train to stop
this never-ending war
both seeking a way to soar

battled by a deep indignation
left the two with frustration

one way
two deaths
whose talked about more?



... the one that you care for...


it's not the last time
or committed crime
to be going up against

this world is anything but a place to live in
these people around the globe are anything but friends.
the air we breathe is merely oxygen sustaining us to exist for a few seconds while we attempt to gain knowledge of the unknown.
of this great world ,
a simple atom
you & me.
finding stability, our basic needs to be fulfilled
our desires to rise the thrill traveling deep inside our veins.

it was time to go. and head on home. just about evening the sun beginning to set and so we set ourselves on the road. the journey had begun. bumping to some music on the radio laughing while we sung our heads off. we felt at peace together. the weather seemed to shift as rain clouds began to head on over us. and so once sunny and dry became cloudy and wet. the rain came down slowly. drops per five seconds and suddenly escalated as it pitter pattered on the windshield. as the wipers tried to fight them off but the rain came down so hard we felt blind. a rush to be driving down the freeway not being able to see oncoming traffic but alas the rain yielded to a stop and the sun came back out. and so we still drove onward thinking that the rain had passed and i felt back at ease into my seat. ungripping the handrail and taking a sip of my drink. conversations continued and yet faintly you did not answer me. and so i was confused as you looked out the window wondering why you were ignoring me. and a few seconds passed that seemed like a lifetime and yet still no answer. and you began to shake. your arms flung towards me your feet pushed up harder against the pedal and we veered down the road at higher speeds. realizing you had no control over your body i began to think on my feet and so intuition and adrenaline took over my body as i grabbed the steering wheel you so vicariously pushed me out of. steering us into the field soon after i turned off the car trying to keep us from bumping into any traffic. because of the rain of course the field was muddy and so the tires became slippery and veered out of control. in front a large tree and you pushed me even more out of the way to where i was losing control. so with all my strength i pushed back and steered to the left only to hit the branch of the tree by an inch. but that inch spun us out of control into circles until we finally became a complete stop. i paused to catch my breath and realize my surroundings. the drink splashed over my pants. your body covered in sweat. my heart pounding in and out of my chest. i opened the door as to catch some air and yet you were confused. your mind not entirely here with us i rushed to type the phone to call for help but my fingers could not move. luckily some passengers along the way had veered to the side of the road and called my attention. as they called for help i reached back out to you to see if you were okay but you were still not stable. now when help arrived i felt a little at ease. i had called our parents letting them know the event had taken place but yet we were alright. as the paramedic examined us both telling us we were lucky to have lived. for if i hadn't done what i did and we hit the tree or worse as opposed to oncoming traffic our incident could have been fatal. and as we left the scene my mind stayed in shock. perhaps for the next few months although knowing that it was over. in my mind it cycled over and over and over again. for sleep i did not in fear of having nightmares. for the rain and the roads had scared me into being secluded. and for months anxiety , depression & perhaps a case of PTSD had taken over my life. of course you had no memory of the event that had happened so you unfortunately did not suffer in the likes of me. and i look back and i wonder how this small thing this small event had been slightly life changing.

no longer alive
your out of my mind
i have no tears left to cry
this is me saying goodbye

goodbye and farewell

to all this pain
that I've endured
ill never be the same
never look back
never a glance

goodbye to the past that can kiss my ***

can you stop
putting words into my mouth
can you stop
when your actions go down south
can you stop
im so tired of forgiveness
if its the last chance
than i beg of you
can you stop

when I was a kid I could see life was hard
didn't know it would take me this far
when I was a kid , I didn't know crime
didn't know lies
didn't know who died
and I sure didn't know why mama cried
I was too young but I knew things deep inside

and the next morning she woke
with two black and blue eyes
funny how they looked like mine
but she hid them in disguise
and I didn't know why
not at the time
I thought things were fine

going to school just to come home
never had anything to rely on
never talked about where I was from
living in a hateful world but having so much love

& I grew up but nothing changed
everyone loves to treat life like a game
living day by day, always the same
but when you play the game you get played

I remember back when I was ten
never met my dad so figured he was dead
some days I'd even pretend
dying to just fit in

I got people bringing me down everyday
I tend towards speaking but have none to say
crying at night, I than pray
its not always black and white
sometimes I see grey
keeping my mind open to follow my dreams
that's me being me
searching for something meaningly deep

I guess that's just life.

living dead girl


midnight
the moon shines bright
touches the earth but yet not me
i’m in darkness , currently hiding
but don’t try to find me

a walk along the gravestones
my only friends are ghosts
the real world doesn’t recognize me
somehow i’ve turned to stone

my heart beats
so i must be breathing
then i’m alive
but that’s deceiving
because inside
a little part of me has died

trick or treat
today marks the day of halloween
at last i found a place for me
dress up & pretend to be
anything but reality

a girl is  what you see
a girl is what you seek
and tonight that is what is redeemed
just tonight for a small fee
i’ll be living in a dream

all i see is warlocks & witches
another part of me is distant
& this costume itches

walk up the steps to receive some candy
oops i got drugs , but they come in handy
good thing tonight you can’t see me
it’s dark art & that pleases me

until next year , we’ll rekindle
back to a day where it’s so simple
i bid you farewell
don’t try to find me
i’m really good at hiding
don’t you worry i’m well alive
not yet dead inside.
i bid you goodbye

free smoke
white coke
selling dope
stay in your lane it's a slippery *****
looking into a kaleidoscope
look for me i'm around the globe
shine so bright i bring a glow
headshots on my frontal lobe
she's always calling "pick up the phone"
**** girl like leave me alone
can't u see i'm tryna get blown
all she do is roll her eyes & moan
i'm just tryna stay in my zone
i swear she's too young like post malone
keep my drama light like keystone
you can work that *** but what you do with that nose
if i'm being honest i'm just tryna bone
play me like a saxophone
acts take play that i will condone
already forgot ya , ya shoulda known
didn't i tell ya my time was on loan
back in the studio , put on my headphones
tell a story but first i gotta break it down

**** the pain away