This world is a strange place
With strange inhabitants
That have strange emotions
I can’t seem to ever understand it

How am I supposed to feel,
when the woman who has been strong for me my entire life,
has tears flowing down her cheeks?
How am I supposed to feel,
when my friends who live easy going lives,
tell me they know what I'm going through?
How am I supposed to feel,
when my mind is in denial,
even though the proof is in her slur?
How am I supposed to feel,
when I cannot allow myself to cry,
because I have to act the role of parent?
Tell me, how am I supposed to feel,
when my father tells me not to tell,
as if keeping it a secret will keep me sane?
How am I supposed to keep myself together,
when the world continues to fall apart,
and repair itself,
over and over and over again.
How am I supposed to feel when the one i love the most cannot love themselves?
Let me tell you,
I
  am
       falling
                  apart.
And this time, I don't want to get back up.

I'm so at peace with what is about to happen that I might actually feel joy
Such strange emotions are brought about when the end is near
A sense of serenity even though things are about to get hectic
But it will all be over soon

This is my last poem
I bid you farewell
It is such an odd thought
That my body might repel

But I thank you for your attention
I might be at peace when you read this
So pray for my soul to meet God
And ask Him to take me even though I don't deserve bliss

Happy to be a crack within the wall,
That sinks as people think and pressure builds
To strive for freedom, love and life fulfilled
Beyond these callous constraints of control.
Abiding standards set by- who? We fall,
From Self, the Source of true condition killed.
Accepting life through these rose-tints we will
Barely breathe the blessing given to us all.

Through all distractions you cannot deny
We're here. We're- where? A spinning ball of being,
And yet we waste this time, find faults and criticise
Ourselves, and others, still longing for feeling.
The only things we need, an open eye
And mind to help us find our way to healing.

His kisses taste like cigarettes
And when he's drunk
He'll call me his girl
And I'll smile into the phone
While he mumbles at me

He holds me by the waist
And I feel grounded but light
Like he tethers me
Without anchoring me
He doesn't know this

We sat in my kitchen
And drank tea and talked
It felt real in that moment
Like the future was now
And it was so tranquil

His kisses taste like cigarettes
And with every smile
And every time I see him
Staring at me with ocean eyes
I am understanding
His addiction.

you don't have to buy expensive things
you don't have to be skinny
and you don't have to show it off
you don't have to be taken
you don't have to tell why you're single
you don't have to wipe your tears,
and you don't have to be like the ones who put them there
you don't have to love someone
you don't have to love yourself
you really don't have to
the only one who's making you,
is yourself.

It all came crashing down around us
Someone had to fire the first shot
He wasn’t happy
You killed him, that’s all wrong
The first shot is always a warning, it’s war etiquette
So strange, mother would have loved him, he had manners
God, she would say, you eat like an animal, use your knife and fork
Football mum, need to rush, big game today, come and watch us, it’s life and death
They wanted our piece of the hill
We wanted their piece of the hill
Rush, rush, take the hill, how many bullets can you ****
He wants to talk to them, Mr etiquette
You would be proud of him mum
So polite
They shot him like a dog
Rush, rush, take the hill, how many bullets can you ****
We killed them all
It’s now our hill
Did you see me mum, did you see me score
Were you too busy with your other son..