Her lips, tight and curved,
Ready to string up an arrow
And launch it to the sky
To explode into a fine dust
Where a myriad of stars congregate
Just to kiss your freckled cheeks

Bigender
Pansexual
Asexual
Gay
Lesbian
Cisgender
Transgender
Agen­der

And many more
Labels racing through
My head
I can't even think straight
Or let alone be straight

I once thought pansexual
But I don't prefer physical interaction
Maybe bisexual?
But I like anyone and
Everyone

Asexual?
I've gotten off
I just don't prefer to
Shutting myself off
Is something I can do

Female and male stereo types
But I fit neither one
Sometimes I'm more of a man
Than my brothers could ever be
And sometimes I am more girly

All these labels
And I'm so confused
Does anyone really know?
Maybe I don't fit
Any labels

Maybe I'm just
Me

Bipolar
Schitzo
Paranoia
Mania
Anxiety
PTSD
Depression

******
Liar
Dramatic
Never sits still
Makes a scene
Lives in her past
Needs to get over it

Beautiful
Unique
Quirky
Energetic
Caring
Wise
Helpful

You only know parts of me
Not the total

I'm about ready to bludgeon
Someone with my microphone
And string them up
By my black cord

Stab them with a music stand
And slit their throat with the feet of it
Bash their head into the piano
Then stuff them inside of the instrument

See, choir has become a competition
A sport which everyone is
Now on their own teams
Only rooting for themselves

We all sing together
But we clash and our
Voices don't blend anymore
Instead you hear the individual's song

Selfish and cruel
They all gossip about one another
Manipulating and breaking
Each other down to dust

Confidence stripped and raw
Wounds festering and emotions building
Of the words said behind backs
And not to the face

But just because our backs our turned
Does not make us deaf
But even more unsure of
Ourselves and the people surrounding us

Choir is not a family anymore
It's World War Three
Teeth bared and claws out
Missiles ready to take out other parts

There goes the altos
Taken out by the sopranos
The baritones still talk with the tenors
But the tension is still high

Choir is dangerous
But what they don't realize is
I can be the most cunning and cruel
Animal of them all

Two and a half years of
Hiding under my Levi's
And cheap, holey sweaters
Jackets, handed down from mother
And gloves made out of toe socks

Two and a half years of blaming
It on the cat, pointing fingers
At sharp cornered desks and
Dogs and messing around with friends
Hiding my secret, holding it close to me

Today, I took of my jacket
And the world, being cruel as it is
Forced me to crawl right back inside
With eyes prying and people touching
And their judgmental, pity looks

But tomorrow will be different
And I wont let young eyes
Stop me from being afraid
To show my forearms
I promise this

It's time for some change
Because I can't go on faking
My smile for fake people anymore
And hiding my body from the world
Because I am beautiful

Or so they say

You were my brother
You were my friend
I was with you
To the ****** end

You were my comfort
You were my shelter
So sweet
My family's helper

You left so soon
Violently and fast
Those hugs and those kisses
Those were your last

Good bye angel puppy
Good bye best friend
I hope you were happy
In the end

You give me hope
Youre my last chance
If either of us ***** this up
Im officially becoming lesbian

Girls are easier to date

You were my brother
You were my friend
I was with you
To the ****** end

You were my comfort
You were my shelter
So sweet
My family's helper

You left so soon
Violently and fast
Those hugs and those kisses
Those were your last

Good bye angel puppy
Good bye best friend
I hope you were happy
In the end

Breathing in the toxins
Of the cigarette
She streers left right left
Taking me higher than
I thought possible

Black roads fade into
Gravel as we start towards the
Edges of the dust bowl
In which we reside somewhere down below
In the congregate of city lights

With a sky as black as ink
We parked and stepped out into
The raging wind
And I throw my hands to the heavens
To feel free

She smiles cause she knows
With her closed mouth grin
And we sit on the roof of the car
In the most cheesy romantic way
I feel apart of her life

Kissing her pops into my head

And I nearly cry
Not out of sadness
But because of the happiness
Of almost being in love
And the fear of not almost being loved back

So fear chokes me and holds me back
It's fear that leaves us sitting there
For what seems like forever
Cause I know she can't fathom
How much I almost love her

Climbing back down I feel regret
But I am too happy to care
She drives us back home
And now the hills and the myriad
Of stars are a memory

I don't care if she almost loves me
I almost love her
As long as I can be next to her
Everything is good
And I can cry happy tears

So she keeps breathing in the toxins
Of the cigarette
While I keep a heart full of regret
And the stars will keep their beauty
And the wind will continue to rage on

Stumbling down the winding
Road I start to question
Where I'm going
And my destination

Why do I walk and
What for and where
How does this help or hinder
Why should I even care

But I notice as I walk
The winding path made for me
There are many people stumbling
And obstacles they do not foresee

And I walk my winding road
Just trying to make it down
Like everybody else on the slippery hill
As the world keeps spinning around and around

Today we played a game
Except it wasn't fun at all
We climbed up some dark stairs
Where no one even cared

About where we were
Or knew where we were even at
There we played truth or dare
We laughed and we sat

But then the game turned
Down a serious trail
Where there are more dares than truths
Where one of us decided to bail

One fully naked
Me fully clothed
Two still half dressed
As we went deeper down this road

Half dressed boy
Started tugging at my shirt
A dare I had passed
Cause I knew it would hurt

Hurt my pride
My already scared mind
But you kept tugging and tugging
My stomach in a binde

You forced it over me
And started to force off my bra
Grabbed my *****, that's when fully naked girl
Looked into my eyes and saw

"I think were done
So you can now stop"
He tugged at my arms and bra some more
You could have heard the tears drop

So we stood up in silence
Gathered our clothes
Headed back down the dark stairs
And didn't speak another word

There are three of us in the room

You
Me
And Silence

Sometimes Silence is kind
Gracing us with hands wrapped tight
Breathing deep, scents of each other strong
Legs tangled, arms bent, not knowing
Where one ends and the other starts

Sometimes Silence is excited
Static between us building
Twitchy and impatient
Eyes large and watching the trees roll by
As we drive down the black road

Sometimes Silence is content
And sits with us while you write words
Stroking the keys, like it is a fine instrument
And I lay reading, sipping tea across the room on the floor
The world is quite and so are we

Sometimes Silence is angry
Though we haven't experienced this yet, we will
And tension will hang like the humid summer time atmosphere
While we sit, confused and bubbling, trying to think
Of ways to say sorry without fumbling with words

Because words get in the way
And Silence is malleable, fluid
Silence is water
It can slip through our hands
Or can be contained

No matter what you do
Silence will be there

Thank you for making the Silence bearable
For making it less frigid
Less lonely or painful

Thank you for filling the Silence with so much life

Love is patient
Love is kind
I think love
Should also be blind

It shouldn't matter your gender
It shouldn't matter your race
It shouldn't matter your class
The fact that it does is a disgrace

If you take a glance
At the world as it spins
These start to matter less
As the change begins

Your gender shouldn't matter
Or your ****** orientation
The color of the skin
There shouldn't be discrimination

Whether you're a boy
Who loved a girl
Or a boy who loved a boy
Or some other type of gender swirl

So let love do
It's own little thing
And see what a blinded bliss
Can easily bring

When I was little
I would stare up at
My mother and think to myself
That's what I want to be when I grow up

I wanted nothing more than
To become my mother
Who tucked me in
Kissed my scrapes

Who nurtured me
Brought me water when I was
Sick and sang me to sleep
And who told me how strong I was

Little did I know
That moms are dished out
Their own servings of problems
But my mom was different

She was served piles of
Left overs and week old bread
Water unfit for a dog
And dessert was scarce

Later I learned I was the dessert
So was my father
Though he was more sour than others
She didn't care, she loved it all

But as I've grown older
The piles of unfit food
Are tumbling down
Right on top of me

My mother's food labeled
Bipolar, depression
Anxiety, self harm
Body image issues and so much more

More than one person should
Be dished up, more than
One person can stomach
Too much for the plate to handle

The plate is cracked, chipped
Used, with a residue still blanketed over
And we've learned our eyes are bigger than
Our stomachs and we attempt the plate alone

But you can't handle a full course meal
If you're stomach is so small

I've learned that even though
Doctors label my mother
Crazy and unstable
I still crave to be her

Because she's survived through
What seems like everything
And she is not only alive
But my mother is living

Maybe not the way she imagined
But she still tries to make
The best of each day
She does so much with so little

Yes, I still want to be my mother
I want to be strong and brave
Kind and nurturing
I want to be everything she thinks she isn't

Because she is my everything

Stuck
Like I've licked the frozen pole
Trapped until we thaw
Until someone has the mercy
To pour water over my mouth
And set me free

Who knew that person would
Be me

It is hard to grab your own water
And fill the pail
When you are immobile
But we all have to learn how to
Fetch our own pails of water
Because you cannot be free
And in control till
You've decided you will be

You have to push through the *******
The lies people will spoon feed you
With cheap, plastic spoons
Finding your own way is not easy
But what is the point of life
When there is no struggle and challenge
To be had

It's my birthday today
And I'm all alone
And there's nothing worthy to be shown

I don't look any different
And today the weather is cold
And my heart feels worn down and sold

Sold out to many I don't see anymore
Rusty and rubbed raw
An abundant of negative things it saw

Nobody cares, today doesn't affect the mass population
My mother cried though
Because she's afraid to let go

She birthed me 17 years ago
48 hours of hard labor
The mid wife didn't do her any favors

They almost killed me, I almost died
To think I might not be here
Might not be alive

It's my birthday today
And I'm all alone
And there's nothing worthy to be shown

Your jacket I kept today
And now I'm swaddled in
Your smell and the vastness of it

Laying in my bed I
Engulf you, take in the perfume
Of your natural body

And it feels like you're right here
Curled up next to me and
All around me

I am swallowed by you
While I cry and wish with my
Heavy heart that you were really here

A pet cemetery
You will find in yard
It lays there dead
The ground frozen hard

First a feline friend
And then my Angel Puppy
Now my baby boy Oreo
Have been ripped away

I regret not showing you
How special you were
Now my Angel Kitty
Is in heaven to purr

You were large
With ears like a satellite
I loved to cuddle
With you at night

But my bed is now cold
Empty where you laid
I hope you are happy
With the life we made

I did not know you
Child of God
Maybe if I had you wouldnt
Believe you were flawed

In and out
People weave through our lives
Every move is judged
Every word analyzed

I do not know why
You ended your time on earth
Life is small and fragile
From death to birth

I pray all your pain
Has been taken away
I know they say you go to Hell
I have a different story to say

So young and innocent
God's child indeed
You did no crime
Not selfish nor greed

God loves all his children
Forgets all their sins
Is your action even a sin at all?
Your tolerance for ******* was just thin

Hell is a place
Where go the cynical humans
The ones with no remnorse
No sorrow, their mind in ruins

Heaven is for the soul
Who only wished for the pain to stop
A eternity of bliss
Your life on earth was just a drop

I use to think I was the
One and only
Solitary wolf on my
Lonely journey into hell and

I would stay up all night wondering.
Why I had to be the one and only.
But I was foolish and one soon
Became a few.

And over the years and
After crying puddles of tears
A few slowly morphed into many.
And as that many grew

Into several, it became
Way more than just a few.
Now I stand with an ocean of faces
Of old and young.

Faces so new and fragile to
The harsh earth, and faces
Who know what its like to
Be broken down into so many pieces

That they truly believe that razor
Blades, pieces of hot metal,
Hair pulling and nail biting and
Hitting your head on a brick wall are

Solutions to the pain.
The pain we harbor and hold so dearly
To our fragile hearts.
Because without pain and loneliness

How do you live? After years
Of pain and self inflicted torture
How do you live a normal life?
How do you walk around like those

Years never happened to you?
I am starting to learn that
You just don't. You live and breathe
And you don't forget the past, oh no.

You just let the wounds scab over,
Like the cuts that used to fester,
And you learn to live again.
You can't go back and erase the past,

Believe me, I've tried! But you learn
That just because you're a little
Scratched up, doesn't mean someone
Won't see you're beauty.

So let the wounds heal over
And yes, go back and trace the scars with
Your fingers. Because that's not all of who
You are anymore. It's just a small part

Of your life.

You never said thank you
But I was still there
You never said sorry
And at first I didn't care

I just cared for you
And your emotions and your life
Your strife and the weight of
Self torture you carried in your
Forearms and thighs, stomach and chest

I knew I could save you
I knew I could help you rest
Even if only for a moment
I could kiss your scars
Lick your wounds clean

And at that time I didn't
Understand
That people can be mean
To those they love

So on we went
While I tried desperately to pull you
Onto level ground
With misguided intent

You fought my help
Thrashing through life
Like a wounded animal
Scurrying from every booming sound

After your blind rampage you let me go
I was afraid I would never feel whole
But you made me realize
I was only trying to fix what was
So twisted and cracked in my own soul

You and I are similar
But not the same
Both trapped inside screaming
Punished by our own brains

The difference between you and I
Is you only understand sympathy
You mind can't grasp the concept
Of another's reality
You lack empathy

So I'm not going to get
Down on my hands and knees
And say "pretty please"
And apologize just because
You're too much of a coward
To admit when you've down wrong

I will not say sorry for existing
I will not apologize for having feelings
I will not beg for your attention
Even though the silence is chilling
I have decided to respect myself

By letting you go

I am tired
Of being the crazy daughter
Because last night when you comforted me
Your eyes held pity and sympathy

I want to be normal
Like all the other kids
Instead I see doctors
I'm given heavy bottles with lids

The bottles hold a happy pill
That will make everything okay
The bottles will hold my crazy
The lid will keep it at bay

But I don't want to have to pop
Pills to be what I really want to be
I want to be normal and myself
I wish to be free

Too bad to be myself
Is to be crazy

One day there was a boy
Who saw a pretty girl
She had warm Autumn hair
And eyes of blown blue and green glass

The boy knew he had to introduce
Himself to this small girl
So he walked right up to her
And started to sign his words

His hands flew through the air
Nervously trying to say hi
The girl nodded her head and pulled
Out the pen and paper

And at this old coffee shop
They spent hours writing away
Words started to rush together
And sentences turned into paragraphs

By the end of their chat
She wrote a number below
She received unlimited texts
And wanted to see him again

Love is funny that way
It bends and breaks rules
It twists into different shapes
Sounds and smells

Love is ready to do
What it takes to make it work
Even if one person cannot
Work their own vocal chords

I deactivated my Facebook
Deactivated is such a strange word
More like I left because I was tired of seeing
Every one talking to one another

Every one discussing weekend plans
Of past, present, and soon to come
Of their fun family trips
And I'm sitting here

Lonely and uninvited
Crying my eyes out
Wishing for a friend
Hoping to be liked

Jealous? Definitely.
My two best friends don't talk
To me, but they talk to their
Facebook walls and other people

They hang out with others
Others but me
I'm not saying they can't have
Their own set of friends

I just feel cheated because
Whenever they need me I try to
Always show up and
Pat their backs and wipe tears

But in a time where I need
My friends the most
They've vanished for what seems like forever
Abandoned me

I just don't want to be alone
Can't be alone
When I am suicide pops up
And the cutting starts again

So please friends don't
Leave me alone

I feel like my mouth is being pried
Open wide by the jaws of life
And someone is laughing and pouring
Sand down my dry throat

And into my aching empty heart
Where you still sit and stay
And all I wanted was to be okay
I guess that's not okay

I'm coughing and loosing air
Not like you would care
And while I'm dying to find a way to slit
My throat open wide

You still stand there and stare
At the freak show happening because
Everyone is wondering why I'm
Choking on sand but

They were the ones to force it
Down in the first place
And instead of helping me out
They just find my struggle entertaining

So let's stop fighting
The struggle is tiring
And my voice is barely there as I
Let out a barely audible "*******"