It’s sad when you realize you aren’t as important to someone as you thought you were.

Why smile
When pain is all you feel
Why cry
when there is no one to care
Why live
When there is no hope

Daddy,
wasn't there to dry my eye
Daddy,
wasn't there to kiss my wrists
Daddy,
was the reason for my tears
Daddy,
was the reason for the blood
Daddy,
I give up on you
Daddy,
Goodbye

Yours is the only skin
That has ever touched mine
That didn't taint me
I could look in the mirror
Look in your eyes
Find comfort
You looked in mine
You saw the demons
I tried to look down so you wouldn't notice
But you never saw me the same
Every other touch
Disgusts me
The only eyes I see now
Are mine
Glossy and red
Reflecting in the mirror
Blue green ever shifting eyes
And I'll continue my steady gaze
I'll stare at nothing in particular
I'll turn into a statue
Cold hard stone
Or I'll be steel so I won't crack

A broken mirror of my reflection
A shriek of pain from repeating rejection
A complex scheme
To learn a lesson

****** palms as I play psalms
Picking up the pieces of a life at risk
Started out with pricked fingers
Now I'm avoiding a ****** wrist

A deteriorating gas is pressing to exit my mind
It eats away at every sane thought left inside
Where do I go when it's my true self that I have to hide

Everything I say is a constant mistake
So I grit my teeth till they ache and I mumble words until they marinate
Working on self love but the moments like these that are within myself are the ones that I hate

I search for repression but where do I begin
When this is all I know
When there's always the question of an end

Save me from myself because Lord knows I've sinned
I'd take it all back if I could run it again
I hope he doesn't lose faith in me
He's my only friend

It seems like ever since this has began I've been blessed with a beautiful curse
I ask God for the best but I still expected the worst
Maybe this is what happens
When everything is diverse

See it in my eyes
See the rift in my soul
See the angry love
Burning a hole
See the ache for expectance
Taking a toll
Skins red but it's feels cold

For the content that makes up me
It grits down like sand
All I ever wanted
Was a loving hand

They tell me I'll be okay
But I don't think they understand
For this is not a human quality
I am merely man

I am left to supply
When commitment was my only demand
Two judges and one man
Will I be enough when I take the stand

(r.n.)

MY OLD LIFE WAS BETTER,
MY OLD LIFE WAS SIMPLER,
MY OLD LIFE WAS HAPPIER,
MY OLD SELF WAS WORTHY,
MY  OLD SELF WAS PRETTY,
MY OLD SELF WAS BEAUTIFUL,
MY OLD SELF WAS SKINNIER,
MY OLD SELF WAS USEFUL,
MY OLD SELF WAS PERFECT.



MY OLD SELF HAD CONFIDENCE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A HAPPY LIFE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A LIFE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A MOM,
MY OLD SELF HAD EVERYTHING,
MY OLD SELF LOVED HERSELF.
MY OLD SELF WAS LOVEABLE,
MY OLD SELF WAS LIKEABLE,
MY OLD SELF HAD A VOICE,
MY OLD SELF IS DEAD,
MY OLD SELF IS GONE,
TRAPPED BENEATH ALL THE PAIN,
THE ANGER IS FORCING BACK.
MY OLD SELF WILL NEVER COME BACK.






NOW I'M STUCK,
NOW IM LOST,
NOW I CRY,
NOW IM FAT,.
NOW I'M UGLY,
NOW I'M WORTHLESS,
NOW I'M HELPLESS,
NOW I'M USELESS,
NOW I'M IMPERFECT,
NOW IM SCARED,
NOW I'M QUIET,
NOW I'M SOLD OUT,
NOW I HAVE NO HEART,
NOW I'M COLD AS ICE,
NOW I HAVE NO FEELINGS,
NOW I'M USELESS,
NOW I'M NOT HAPPY,
NOW IM SAD,
NOW IM GONE,
NOW IM DEAD,
NOW I'M TIRED,
NOW IM HEART BROKEN,
NOW I WILL NEVER BE SAVED,
NOW I WILL NEVER BE SEEN,
NOW ALL ILL DO IS HID FROM THE TRUTH,
BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS BAD AND IT STINGS IT PINCHES ME WITH EVERY TOUCH.
NOW I WILL GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK.