One day I will feel proud in my skin.
One day I won't have to cut everywhere just to destroy it.

*One day

To the messy table we left after our dinner dates,
I always leave veggies on my plate;
Coz you know how much I hate them,
then you'll tell me, with a smile, to eat them.

To the all the places we used to go,
filled with smoke, from both our lungs and so;
Then we'll both promise to begin to stop,
At the end, I'm the only one who made it to the top.

To those new faces we knew,
from my friends, down to you;
I hoped for something that'll last,
didn't know it would be fast.

*All were the same, no one begged to stay.
It's like a routine, over and over again.
I wish I still have the strength to say,
but sorry, my heart lived with pain.

you found her
lost and insecure
her pale skin shimmering
just laying there

just a moment to late
whyd you have to wait
to find her
the clock just stopped
the tears just dried

you dont know why
you cant keep your eyes off her
you dont know where to go from here
cause it was you and her
for always and after
but just a moment to late
why did you have to wait

everything she did was beautiful
every smile glowed
every laugh warmed your soul
everything about her was perfection

whyd you have to wait
you were a moment to late
you cant keep your eyes off of her

you cant move
scared to miss the lies
hoping this is a dream
hoping to break the ties

whyd you have to wait
you were here a moment to late
starring at her body
laying on the floor
full of sorrow
why did you not listen for the screams
how could you not hear the sobs

nothings forever
except when you look at her
you cant take your eyes off her
you know once you do
it will be the last time you see her.

Just then does the pain take over.
As you fall to your knees.

because i believed you
because i never realized how brown your eyes really were until i had the courage to stare
because you told me you were happier this way
because i don't feel suicidal when i'm with you
because you wanted me to meet your mother
because you never ask me what's wrong
because you don't care about anything
because i wanted to know what would happen
because i was too scared to ask
because ******* for leaving the first time
because i love you for coming back
because you only ever touch me when you're drunk
because his lips didn't feel like yours
because he made me laugh but not the way you could
because of 3 am nights with you are all i want to remember
because 3 am nights without you sit in the middle of my chest like a boulder
because my father warned me
because i can't do it anymore
because i can't do it anymore

You either feel
like you're going to die
or
you feel like
you're already dead.

If you only knew how..
how much i’ve been through..
how much pain i inflict on myself..
even though it really doesn't hurt it just takes the pain away for not long.
If you knew how hard i try..    
to be enough for you..
for society..
for the world..
earth and beyond.
If you knew how many scars i have you’d change your mind..
but you dont know.
If you knew you’d
be scared..
hate me perhaps.

As she sharpens the knife she cries tears of joy that she will soon die..
feel the joy of going down where she belongs, hell.
they thought she was getting better..they were wrong,
she got worse after he left without saying goodbye.
she has no meaning anymore.
no reason to keep living hopelessly.
shes alone..
he left her for what he wanted too..
death,
he wanted death too..
she stayed for him,
why couldn't he do the same for her?
well, he's gone now..he told her not to try he wanted her to live a long strong life.
he should of thought of that before he decided to pop those pills that night.
she won't forget him..
but she’ll forget those beautiful eyes..the ones that caught her by surprise..
she cant handle to remember how his heart would beat against her own.
she will never forget how he said he loved every **** night.
never forget those salty tears running down his perfect silicone face.
she will always love him..
but hate him for making her feel this way.
she’s doing this to see him,
to feel his coldness again.
is he still there or did he actually leave her soul too.
he did he's not there she feels warmth he's not warm he’s cold usually.
he doesn't say i love you he just stands there in shock..
she sees those salty tears once more,
he asks why she tells him that he left her and that he led her to this.
he was in her now eating at her..
telling her to stop that knife now so she could live a happy life..
he told her to scream out help!
he told her to stop the knife from hurting her anymore,
he told her to stop it
the knife was cutting deeper and deeper now.
he yelled out that he loved her.
she stopped and had finally realized what she had done.
she broke him even more.
she dropped the knife as she felt the warmth of her leave that porcelain body of hers.
he said he loved her like he had done before.
she took her last breath..
and walked away with her love..
into the darkness of hell..
she cried of joy that she had him again but he was different..this time he looked at her like she was his prey..
before he had looked so soft those brown eyes are black now..
his hands don't move the same way..they grab her like he wants to throw her away..
his face looks disgusted..
was it her?
he was evil now..what happened?
he kisses her and bites her she falls and say stop he doesn't he kills her once more.
she looks away and sees him..
the one she loves she calls out that she loved him all she sees is him on the floor the night..
that he died took his life away.
he walks away and doesn't say a thing she watches as those salty tears pour out of him for the last time.
she whispers i love you through the door.
he went on and cried that night she left him to die..
why did she leave him?
how could she?
all he wanted was to love her.
as he sharpens the knife he cries out why?
he cant help but scream her name.
he sees her as he presses harder and as it gets deeper and deeper by the second he hits the floor..
and sees her..she's crying and saying something..
she is whispering i love you..
he says it back..
as they die together..
the memories of each other creep into their minds….

depression.
is like drowning but, you can see everyone else breathing.
you have thoughts, maybe even dreams about going into a black hole and never returning.
you have no faith,hope,belief in yourself.
you're tired of living so, you try and attempt suicide but, then comes along your demons who want you to be alive so they can terrorize you, **** you slowly,painfully.
you will die eventually,if not survive but thats very rare for someone to recover without relapsing and running to their demons once again.
we learn how to deal with them speaking to them so they won't get lonely and decide to make you do something crazy. they take over your entire mind and body.
you don't think like you do.
you don't speak like you.
you don't make decisions like you used to.
they control you and theres no refusing to do what they want you to.
Depression is like a sickness that you cannot cure no medicine..yes there is medicine that makes you feel like ****,and makes you happy but thats truly justs drugging you.
there is no cure to depression you want to die and some how you'll find a way.
A painful way.
suicide.
now thats the worst most powerful side effect of depression.
suicide.
a wish to die.
it doesn't matter how just that you want to die over and over again to feel the pain that lets you know you're still breathing, and alive.
it drives you insane.
you try and fight through but theres no choice but to go along with it.
youre tired of looking at happy people.laugh it off like nothings happening.
tired of hearing peoples sob stories about how their cat died yesterday and not realizing you're slowly dying in front of there dim wit face.
tired of looking at things and thinking of how you'd like to do that but you just can't because you are demanded not to by the voices so instead you sit there with a wish to die in your head.
tired of listening to people give you fake *** compliments about how your so pretty,how your just so beautiful.
you know they're lying so instead you just walk away.
with the wish to die.