Wild and twisted
The roots of your caring
Managed to stay in my heart.
I tried to **** them,
But they grew back

Your name on my screen.
I forgot how it feels,
I lost my voice
I almost couldn’t breathe
But It wasn’t the same pain
It was some sort of relief
As I open up your message
and press the word “delete”

Well, she had given her soul away before,
Of course she was soulless.

My mind is full with conversations,
Yet it’s all so quiet

I can hear your thoughts,
they dont let me sleep.

To be just a face in somebody’s yearbook,
tenderly remembered by some eyes,
or maybe.. softly forgotten.

To be a passing stranger in the street,
Filling the background as if following
The imaginary script of someone else’s life.

—Coexisting in pages, or between the lines,
of multiple, existing storylines—

Playing the loyal friend sometimes;
The bubbly crush or the terrible villain
once or twice.

Whatever the role..
..we end up just lingering.

..craving.. desiring.. that funny, ephemeral feeling.

We end up just
    lingering,
          Yearning,
             Daydreaming,

to be part of
A day, a page.
A chapter, a year.

You are like a song
              forever
                        Stuck in my head

An acquaintance
or
a parallel universe?

I’ll imagine
I’m sending you a song
That I know
You’d love.
And in my head
we are dancing
to the rhythm
Of our once treasured
Now forgotten, bitter,
Love.

It was chaotic, the beating of my heart
At the bare, minimum, touch of your hand
I was at ease, and under attack
Resting my thoughts on your lap

“So you are into words” he said
“That doesn’t make you interesting, I’ll cut to the chase”
I think of that for every poem I write
For every lyric of every song that gets to my heart

I wonder
Was it a spell I was under?
I am awake,
And the world seems duller

You were just a cold-blooded visitor
Experiencing the warmer microclimate
Of my heart

The scenario in my mind is set,
I’m just too afraid
To say
“action”

La galaxia de la que fue parte, colapsó
Con fuerza de mil soles,
cual supernova
Resurgió
Donde el viento sople, ella ira
Creando micro universos,
Al saludar

The symptoms included:
Chest tightness, nauseas
Laboured breathing, heavy heart.
They say it’s a natural reaction
—I must be allergic—

To

     Bitter memories and regrets.

And you filled my life
with plants,
poems,
moans,
Unrealistic songs,
and happy riddles
then I realised
I was in the middle
of knowing
        you
            were
              home.

I made a nest in my wounds
Please don’t cure me,
I don’t want to be cured.

I’ve got a Time Machine.
But I have to warn you,
It’s a painful ride,
going to the past.

Maybe no one would get my essence
Like I do. Even after many tries.
Is that pretentiously narcissistic?
or just deep self-awareness?

Why do I see love everywhere I go?
Why do I seek love everywhere I go?

It’s the spark in my mom’s eyes,
when the family arrives.
It’s the photo my dad is taking, of us
having dinner.
It’s my sister picking her outfit, doing her makeup.  
It’s my aunties singing and laughing in the kitchen.
It’s the cozy and cheesy decoration I picked.
It’s the loveliest mess,
The warmest season of all.
While all the gifts are by the tree,
the greatest, is just being here.
Let me just be here.
One more Christmas.
One more year.

After you used my body
My soul was tired
After you put a light in my eye
There was a fire

I am aware
Ignorance is bliss.

Yet,

I am aware.

I am too awake.

I am fully conscious!

This shall be the death
Of all my progress

I am aware!
Can you numb me again?

My mind is poisonous

I am aware

I am my own

                    worst enemy.

Turns out,
I’m a talented repairman.
A messed-up wall?
I’ll fix that patch,
and find the perfect paint,
to colour-match.
A misunderstanding?
I’ll shape the perfect situation,
So It can be flawlessly justified.
Yes. I’m a great repairman.
Because after all—
I’m nothing,
but a destructive tenant,
In the flexible lease,
That is your heart.

I’m stuck in my bedroom.
There’s a whole in the wall.
That’s figurative speech,
Of course.
The wall is my heart.
I’m watching another show.
It’s about the life of some girls—
I’m trying so desperately to relate.
After some episodes, I finally succeed.
Somehow I make this about me too.
Now I’m imagining how my own life
Would play out for the masses.
Would I be a fan favourite?
Would he be the villain?
Would I be?

I stop.
I REALIZE—
I’m not that interesting.

Just perfectly,
randomly,
average,

             me.

Oh you come to my mind
In waves
And I want to drown
But my instinct makes me swim
Makes me survive
And when I reach the shore
I am safe
And grateful.

Que inmensas son
aquellas melancolías
Llenas de quizás— reales, tal vez,
Solo en alguna otra realidad.
Un sinnúmero de fotos
En una cámara sin revelar

In my headphones
’My favourite faded fantasy’
By Damien Rice plays—
Spare souls— one or two broken hearts
and Me, once again,
Waiting for a bus,
to take us away.
Flickering lights,
And 2 am’s old friend,
Cold.. so cold.
In between a heavy silence,
And pity stares,
I can’t help but compare,
Peacefully silent, you
warm and sound asleep
In your room,
A 5-min walk,
right around the corner.

Walking past a building
Being built,
As I type this.
I wonder—
Is some core memory
There,
Waiting for me?

You thought  I was playing victim, but for me, it was never a game

Remarkably resilient
You vowed to stay dormant
There weren’t any spores
But your gentle caresses
spreading it by touch
You kept me in the dark
The tears moisturised it
So it continued to grow,
It thrived

Love moulding
All over my soul

Love, moulding
All over my soul

Let the light in

Let the air in

It’s so messed up that every lover
I ever entertained,
After the hurricane of you,
Had to carry an unfair ungodly tax—
The burden of your pain.
Crashing soul-markets,
Until I fully exorcised
The sole idea of your existence.
Thank God you fully exited my body—
For It wasn’t sustainable
In any lover’s economy.

I know my parents’ reason of concern.
What could they have done?
What could they have said?
It’s no one fault,
There’s no one to blame.
Nostalgia was just
their daughter’s best friend.