I write, I think, I write,
I agonise with the idea of my thoughts being heard,
I write again,
I let go.

I saw strength—
Arms that once held me,
Protected me
Turned into fragility:

The weakened shadow
Of the bravest man.—

I saw and I stood
Powerless,
Tears holding,
fears hounding.

I stood powerless,
wanting to give
some of my years
To the one heart
that gave me
Everything.

You inspired me to arise,
to improve,
to survive.
I owe you nothing,
and
        everything
                           I have.

You get second-hand
updates
Of the way their hair looks
Piecing together glimpses
Of a parallel life
You hope next time
Some mutual friend shares their face
On a random Sunday
On that photos app
they look happier.

There is another timeline
Where we are home,
—after a lovely Sunday birthday dinner
of friends

We are thinking of hosting one next.
We agree everyone will love the dessert.
We complain about tomorrow
Usual Monday’s sorrow
We do our nightly routine
I ask you if you want some water
For your bedside

—Not in this cruel one, no.
Yet in some other, —kinder— it is.

It’s in my soul—
Like flesh pierced
By the glass-shaped pain
Sharp and raw.

Nobody knows how to help

I try to remove
the shattered memories
Each shard
Lacerating my insides,
Touching my spirit,
Echoing in my bones.

A ****** mess, I get more hurt.

Everything I touch—
stained
with overflowing emotions
Red, intense, thick
Heavy—  

It’s a deeper wound
Larger than myself
It keeps cutting
It keeps tearing
My hope

We could never be.

You had a malice in you,
I couldn’t recognise in me.

We could never be.

The roots of your envy,
Started to grow stagnant,
In the depths of my being.

We could never be.

I had to understand.
I couldn’t change this fate.
I had to let go of my faith.

We could never be.

The endearing love,
The Christmas parties,
The summers to come.

And I still remember every Christmas.
how I was hopeful, longing,
For what life had to offer.
I dreamed of love—
And how I would flourish in it.