My mom is at the edge of tears
Every time the situation is mentioned
I have to be strong
Because she can’t crumble
I have to be strong
Because It’s my turn
I want to be strong
Because it’s my turn
I need to be strong
Because she’s everyone’s rock
I will be strong
Because I am her rock.

You thought  I was playing victim, but for me, it was never a game

It’s a Sunday Morning where I am,
Lying warmly in bed.
It’s time to get my coffee
and catch a brief glimpse—
Through my small virtual window

I get to see,
A lot of different Saturdays
Happy faces in familiar supercuts,
Montages of their laughter,
No trace of sorrow or loss.

Everything is better in spring.
And the hearts I miss—
They seem happier in their spring.

Grateful I got this vibrant collage;
And more grateful still,
Summer’s sprinting towards me,
among the sun and joy, I’ll be.

Counting the long,
And lonely weeks
Until I’ll get to be
(Smiling)
on the other side of the screen.

My brain keeps rotting
But I just don’t care.
the longer I scroll
The more chances I get
Of catching a glimpse
Of your beautiful face

Evening air and dry text replies
It is a cold winter day,
in the midst of July.

Clear and loud silence,
surrounding her steps.
The sudden reflex to deflect.

A random call. A sudden ‘yes’.
Opening door, a familiar face.
Same old, same old.. exhausting exchange.

Dancing hands,  soulless gaze.
Curious hands, hypnotising embrace.
Rushing hands, the usual regret.

Lust overdoses, her soul feels sore.
Another heart rash. Repeat. Regret. Repeat.
emotional hangover,  

             unread morning-after text.

Just glimpses of what it used to be
Second-hand memories,
faded reflections
of the golden years.
It’s a different tomorrow.
I feel scammed and hollow.
This is not what was promised.
I am a grownup now—
Translation of
     Years hoarding sorrow—

Hoovering gatherings,
mind miles away,
I have the longing,
weakening curse.  

It’s in my veins, makes my blood flow.

Pleasantries, nods,
Laughter becomes background noise.
Such a waste of present.
And still I can’t stop:

What if it was better before?

Self sabotaging makes a home
in my bones

Why I keep ruining it all?

Why am I trapped in this loop?

What is the lesson I need and refuse to be taught?

There’s potential
hidden in plain sight
Can’t you see it igniting?
—soul’s fire? The spark?
A brief glance
of my future plans..
Cozy and picturesque
I reckon they seem
  so lovely..
—In your eyes.
Surrender, will you?
It’s for the better
Tension is tempting
But resisting.. is crazy!

Cruelest sensation
Rain needles on my skin—
Still warm from
that last ray of sunshine

I saw strength—
Arms that once held me,
Protected me
Turned into fragility:

The weakened shadow
Of the bravest man.—

I saw and I stood
Powerless,
Tears holding,
fears hounding.

I stood powerless,
wanting to give
some of my years
To the one heart
that gave me
Everything.

I’d like your taste to linger
A little longer on my lips—
Citrusy-bright,  caramel-rich acacia honey;
You fizz, umami.
  A hint of cashews— yes, I’m nuts for your being!
So sweet, sugary, cavity-worthy—Guilt-free.
A flavour I should let just fade out..
For the inevitable,
minty and cold reality
scheduled to rinse it

Someday I’ll finish unpacking.
It’s going to take time, though—
I have too many memories.

You are a ghost
But, oh, how I fancy you to scare me
Trapped in the past,
No other words casts.
If I have to be haunted,
Let it be you,
Let it be now.

If my body were strings—
Dancing to pure vibration
Granting the possibility
of lively, touchable matter,
Matter itself would hinge
on the sweet tremor of your name.

It sure felt the rip—
Heart out my ribs—
when your voice went silent.

Still,
in love-frequencies,
such filaments rejoice:
knotting and tangling
replaying us through
Several hidden dimensions—

Or whatever modern physics
keeps hinting at it.

I lost my focus—dreaming a quantum leap—

Believe me:
Such threads tense at every thought
of their plausible alignments:
A bunch of them making
Your ancestors’ atoms colliding!
Just so one day
— for my own personal desire—
one random entanglement
could finally produce—
the loveliest colour
your eyes would have.

We could never be.

You had a malice in you,
I couldn’t recognise in me.

We could never be.

The roots of your envy,
Started to grow stagnant,
In the depths of my being.

We could never be.

I had to understand.
I couldn’t change such fate.
I had to let go of my faith.

We could never be.

The endearing love,
The Christmas parties,
The summers to come.

I missed that call.
And I knew
It was for the better.
You weren’t up
To anything good.
I knew
answering
wouldn’t lead me
to anything good.
And I wish It was
That thought—
the
Impeding,
rational force
The reason
for not
picking up,
But sweetheart,
honestly?
It was 3 am,
I was not that
mentally strong;
I just wasn’t
Awake.

April.. you were a sweet reminder
of the joyous oath of spring—
Slowly but surely,
coaxed the cold to give in..
I have this theory:
Yours are the days
love nests to begin.
Call it cliché, that’s the way it must be
Scented your days are with blossom;
Roses and hope in bloom and in glee!

My, my, May!
you were so good to me!
You may as well be
my favourite of the three!
Your daylight hugs feel so sincere;
Quick-witted, heart-warmth breeze;
Birdsongs are echoes of
Family laughs and cheers—
May, please— I’m on my knees!
Like a lover that’s bright,
And made just for me—
The rest of the year I’ll be craving your heat!

A little dramatic,
But June, don’t despair!
Handle your grace
and sun-varnished grass trace,
Don’t be shy—bring lilac skies;
Let’s walk in warm sand,
I’ve got you by the hand.
No doubt at all, but pure delight,
You are already opening
beautifully right !

Parallel lines once—
Somehow converging
At such an improbable intersection
No equation calculated the outcome
If x was the distance,
God turned engineer—
Solving the crossing,
Integrating us.

I strip myself.

Bones, soul and flesh.

I got on the scale. Check.

I’m way past my ideal weight— again.

I guess no amount of exercise

Or calorie-deficit diet would do

Because I didn’t account for

how many calories memories use.

Well, since I’m in no heart-diet,

I can afford to have a few—

So go on,

Add some extra kilograms to the soul.

“Bodies are bodies and bodies will touch”,

— Inviting and warm, a set, themed as a house—

Same role to play, a different guest star,

Bodies are bodies and bodies will touch,

— Cheers of the crowd. It’s a wrap, credits roll. —

My mother just told me
I’m constantly ‘a slave’ of my own words.
And I have to agree with her.
I can’t seem to ‘own my silences’—
as she so smartly puts it.
I know, I know.
I should ponder on
such valuable insight— yup.
Yet to me…
that was just short for:
 ‘You should shut up’

I want to live,

Not just in my scripted mind scenes,

I actually want to live.

call it improv, taking a chance,

Whatever—

I want to be here.

Could you help me?

Get me off my head,

Ground me, pull me near

Bring one of those moments

That sweeps me off my feet

Don’t let me think about it.

Don’t let me ruin it.

Just let me be in it.

No, I am not ready.

But I am real.

And I am here.

A word after more words,
Creates other dimensions.
Changing entire generations,
A whole new structure,
Built for different intentions.
Persuading,
Emotional expression,
trickier purposes —
Like old plain manipulation.
Of an individual,
Or perhaps a huge nation.
So take precautions.
As this is a cautionary tale.
Since you are building,
Each line of yours
can either shape or break.
After all,
Here,
we all are
What In my mind
I like to call:
“The World’s oldest Architects”

A tote bag filled with poetry books and a head full of dreams
of you

Have I left it too open, my window
For you to see the inside?
—A room, full of thoughts,
Crafted by my spiralling mind;
A bed, full of love,
Overflowing,
from an oversharing heart

Would you go inside?
Would you ran far?

Tbh I left the curtain half drawn

There is another timeline,
where we are home,
—after a lovely Sunday birthday dinner
of friends

We are thinking of hosting one next.
We agree everyone will love the dessert.
We complain about tomorrow—
Usual Monday’s sorrow
We do our nightly routine.
I ask you if you want some water,
for your bedside.

—Not in this cruel one, no.
Yet in some other, —kinder— it is.