Their heartbeat does not define love
Their eyes do not define love
Their smile does not define love
Their presence does not define love.

What does define love is
Their actions - do they dare to leave something just for you?
Their sacrifices - do they dare to take chances eventhough the chances of both of you to last is unpredictable?

Love is when you do anything in the moment although you could not control fate.
Love is when you take that leap of faith and risk something.
Love is when you feel it is worth it to let them take something from you.
Love is when you feel you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

I'm so sorry.

For avoiding you,
Ignoring you.

Feeling jealous
When you talk to other girls.
Yet not bothering
To make the first move.

When I do,
I'm sorry
If I appear clingy.

I'm not good enough for you.

But I wonder,

Does all this matter to you?

Sorry, for disturbing you.

Things I like nowadays
are: one, the way you look at me when I laugh non-stop.
You would tell me to stop or,
"What is so funny?" or "It's not that funny"
But you dare to stare at me and smile.
two, the way you stop me from running away when I am *******
but fail epically
three, the way you chase me when I successfully get out of your hold when you stop me from running away
four, the way you say 'I love you'
five, the things you say that made me smile
six, the comfort I feel when you hold my hand
seven, the way you suddenly call me to say 'I miss you';
eight, nine, ten to infinity; there is a lot of things that I like nowadays.

But there are things I hate nowadays
one, the worries I have thinking of us
two, my tears
three, the way I always forgive you easily
four, your bad habits;
thankfully it does not reach infinity.

I still knock even though I know the place is empty
So I walked in and saw the emptiness
I listened to emptiness
Reminisce
"Till the sand is on the other side."

                                                         ­   "One last time."

I collect all the memories we scattered around the room
I hear every sweet words of forever in the room
I feel the love we had

"When this ends..."
                    
                                             "Letting go would be easier."

To let go,
Or to be let go
Which hurts more?
Who had the stronger heart?
Who  had the bigger ego?
Who loved more?

"It's not bad...to be alone."
                                            
                                                   "I can still hold it in."

My eyes are wet
I could remember everything
Your screams
The sound of me when I cry
The sound of me letting go.


                                                     Time's up.

**"But..."
                              
               ­                                                                 ­              "I still love you."

I tend to leave things
Leave things as it is.

Like that guy I like a year ago
I never expressed my feelings.

The books that I promised to write in it
Few pages were filled
Then,
It is there for most of the time a few pages filled.

The book that I promised to read
I only get to read a few pages.

These feelings of hatred?
I left it there in my heart and never touched it again.

The worries I have in my mind?
Never did anything to make those worries gone.

You see,
I'm afraid of commitment.
Afraid that things would not go as planned
Afraid that people would not do the same thing to us
Afraid that things would just be a waste of time and energy
And

Afraid that people would not just give the same commitment to us.

The reasons are always even with a twist of words.

I tend to leave things as they are because I'm afraid of changes that I would not settle down for.

On days I feel like giving up
I would pack up my things
And bring some money
To see the world.

Sometimes it's the park right around the corner,
Or the park in another town,
Or the beach at my hometown,
Or away to the another country
Just to feel like a new person.

No worries,
No problems,
Nothing to think of
Besides my rest.

But,
Does it really work?

Or

Am I just running away from it,
Thinking that if I go on this escape
I'll find a way
But usually
It is just a break.

Remember when I said sorry,
And when you said sorry,
And we say we will forgive and forget,
And to not involve each other in each other's life?

Well,
Lies.

Lies,
Too many lies.

There is too many hate in your small ***** in between the lungs that apparently helps you live
But those lungs inhale hatred
And love you think people really mean it
After it enters into your lungs
It flows in your blood,
And into every part of your body
That causes every action you did that you think people would accept you for who you are because you think you're "loveable"
Then it enters your lung and into the atmosphere
And that is when you start to say things
Things which half of it is not true.

Tell the world how a disgrace I am
And I shall tell what I think of you.

Now tell me,
From the deepest part of your heart
The place that is sacred and never been touched
Because I know that place exist
Because I know not every devil is a devil from the start,
Tell me,
Was it worth it?
Do you feel loved?