When you die
Or on the line  between death and alive
They say you could see your life in those minutes
or hours you had your eyes close
You watched how you learnt to walk,
learnt to talk,
in school,
your first love,
your first heartbreak,
the first of everything,
and everything that made you smile
and cry
every spices that spiced up your life.

Every second you go through this
The urge to return to the time and turn back things
and do the other option
Grows stronger.

When you finished all your past
Here you are in the present.
You see your lifeless body
On the bed
The tears that escaped from the eyes who cared
And the truth behind the masks of people who you thought cared
Will this memory stays if you survive?

Going to the future
You witness your future if you survived
you see all the possibilities if you were there
on earth
And you would plead to God to wake you up from this dream
Open your eyes
and you shall live those days again
Let yourself suffer for awhile
and taste the sweetness of happiness.

In every minute and every second
The bad dreams would not stop
All you want was for God to stop it
and wake you up
Every minutes of your life
Flashes before your eyes
The years you went through
Passed by
During the hours you stood in between death and alive
and when God answers your prayer
you woke up
with hopes
And from there you had faith to cherish your life.

Even though the shore hates getting wet
The waves would not stop throwing water
Because the waves know what the shore could hold
And so does God
The sadness and the problems you are given
The obstacles you have to go through
Are only tests to see if you're ready
Ready to face the never-ending happiness
In the future.

Do you know the feeling of
Looking at a person and you just feel disappointment?
You want to deny
But all you could feel is saying
"How could you?"
All you do is choke on every word you want to let go
Because you want to say the right words
But you just can't feel disappointed in them.
You want to believe they did not did it
But you can't.
Because you trusted them so much.

You want to cry
And scream at them
You want to ask them why did they did it
But you still want to keep the thoughts of them being perfect.

I feel it everyday
Watching the people I love
And care
But they just turn a blind eye
Because they think what they did was right.

To make someone smile while reading what you write is always an achievement to me. I love to play with words and to be able to write and let the readers relate to it and learn from it is satisfying.

But, why does it not work in real life when talking?

I have 99 problems and having to be stuck in my thoughts and letting people down because I could not help them with their problems just made me guilty.

Am I not a good friend because of this?

I tried, but I can't.

Because most of the time, I have not been tested. I have not taste the taste of defeat, the taste of depression, the taste of feeling like your soul want to break free from the confine place and the taste of not knowing what to feel.

I have not felt how it is like to just sit and you do not know what to feel. You want to scream and break alk thing and cry and just release everything out but it just would not escape and you end up hurting yourself.

I have not felt how it is like to run away from an explaination.

I feel like I am not loved for not being tested with all these challenges.

I want to be able to relate those pain, and help them with my words but all I do is lend a shoulder to cry, a hug to be shared because that is all I could offer.

She is seventeen

She heard his wish - the boy who wished upon her at the balcony. She heard his worries. About how he is worried of not passing his examination, about the way his parents treat him and about the way his heart never settles since the day he left his significant other.
                             "Was it my fault?"
He asked as he buried his head in his palms and stare at the falling stars on that one lucky night. A moment there he felt like the star answered him. A moment there he felt the star is looking at him in hopes he feels the magical feeling she is feeling now that she is seventeen. The magical feeling she felt and how she is too naive that she fell at first sight on the boy who told him his worries. She fell to the earth of her feelings.

She is seventeen.

Was it really hope? Did she really fell in love with hope? Or was it still the boy on that balcony? She felt the presence of faith and she knew faith was always right. By the time she really fell head over heels on hope, faith brought a friend.
     Trust.
Was she strong enough to trust?
Was she strong enough to have faith in her hopes.
                                   Yet she still has hopes on waking up the next day with faith by her side and trust in her heart.
        So, how does it feels to really felt right?
                         How does it feels to have the feelings at the right places?

She is seventeen.

"Do I really want to stay like this forever?" She asked herself.
               To have no worries and be a child at heart and out. To escape the reality when she really need reality to escape the magical feelings.
Did she really took Peterpan's hand and flew to Neverland and never came back?
                                     Did the sleeping pills worked?
When the clock strikes 6, and the morning came, her mom at her door knocks on thrice.
                                "Jane, wake up." With a voice as soft as the feelings of her comforters that surrounds her body.
                                                           ­             "In a minute."
She took his hand and flew to Neverland but once she saw the mermaids in Mermaid Lagoon, she swam and fell in love with water. She sat on a rock and hold Peter's hand and again she felt those magical feelings again. She kissed Peter's cheek and told him,
                                                            ­   "I need to escape this magical feelings."
And so she woke up on her bed.

She is seventeen.

Forgiving was hard.
           Forgetting was harder.
Yet, those words seems so easy for her now.
                                              The magical feelings that has long gone, made it harder.
She swam through life and sometimes she would choke on the water and stop. But she knows the ocean is big and she never stopped swimming. She met the dolphins and fishes, she even met a few big waves. But she knows there will be a boat right behind her to save her when she's drowning.
        Sometimes she felt it is stupid for her to not sculpt her life before doing anything but she loves the water ever since the Mermaid Lagoon so she continues what she loves. Sometimes she feels someone looking upon her like the boy at the balcony who told her his worries. She felt the pixie dust who tried to help her bit by bit; trying to let her fly and skip the horrendous waves.
                                                          ­Sometimes she used it
                                                              ­      Sometimes she told him no and she swam again.

She is seventeen.

Yet she danced on Jupiter, hopped on the rings of Saturn, fell in love at first sight, went to Neverland, met the mermaids, her first love was someone who never want to grow up, and she swam the oceans. *Was she still a beautiful aurora?

Tell the person you love how you love the moving moon in a car ride
Insist on telling that the Sun is glaring at you too much
Make them listen how important drinking a cup of tea in the morning is
Emblaze the world with your charm  
Let the things you kept to yourself be free
Embody to them that you can be fun, but
At the same time be as sensitive you could
Vexed them with your hidden side
Insert charming words and leave an impact to them
Next thing you know, they will never find a person like you
Get them work up with your hidden self
Unveil them the real you and tell them
Stereotypes are not fun.