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nabila s Jul 2018
afraid of having you wholefully
for a fear of losing you pieces by pieces, slowly
from trapping you inside of me 24/7
to letting you go entirely
by saying i love you each and every single night
doesn't mean i want to be yours
i just wanted to feel, be loved, by loving
in case i don't get any of you
either because you're not used to me
or you choose not to
it doesn't matter
cause every time
my eyes scream 'you look beautiful' in every light i met you
my heart runs a marathon for the hope of welcoming yours into mine
even my nose sense a tragic yet desiring story of one who fell so deep
one became so in love
and for each time you smile, not for me, for who, but the world,
my existence has been blessed for letting you be one of thousands i've seen
one of hundreds i know
one of few i befriend
one of one i fell for

and when the time comes,
i know my invitation never really went away
still, didn't give up yet.
1.6k · Sep 2016
a little while
nabila s Sep 2016
You should (probably) stay,
A couple more days,
Or hours,
Or minutes.

A little more longer.

Maybe i should've asked you to,
But i didn't.

Since i knew,
That you would no longer
Stop a single second
Just to stare.
why not
931 · Sep 2016
Hello, sorry.
nabila s Sep 2016
i came too early that day. i remember that the room was still empty. you could even hear a footstep from the highest seat.

i didn't have anything to do so i sat on our supposed to be seat. it was not very high. we were on the middle seat. i was comfortable in that position anyway.

people came one by one, with their couple, their mother, their whole family. yet i was there all alone waiting for a man that promised to come before the show start.

you were right though. when the lights go out i could see you walking towards me holding a bucket of popcorn. at that point, i was 100% sure that the movie will not be as creepy as it should be (we watched horror movie back then, even though we both were chickens who couldn't watch no horror stuffs)  

the movie started, our selfes were half focused on the screen. the other is focused on our own mental. reminding it to not to go nuts when **** happens. we didn't talk much that time. we didn't even have the courage to eat the popcorn you bought.

sigh, this was the saddest part. you shouldn't have held my hand that tight. and i shouldn't have pulled your jacket so rough. wish we weren't watching horror movie so that wouldn't happened. i was indeed afraid of letting you go. but i did it anyway since i was a strong rebel, and end up regretting it now.

but anyway, thank you.

all that left now is emotion. painful feelings that cover my entire body every time i go to the theatre. it somehow attacks every inch of me, my senses are full of turbulances and trembeled affection.

hello again, and i'm sorry.
sorry for reminding you,
about how your hands,
felt like the world.

perhaps our love were only made for movie screen, and a piece of this pointless handwriting.

Sincerely,
your ex-almost lover.
never hold a hand so tight, it would left you a feeling of a little spark of a universe feel like.
nabila s Aug 2019
The first time I got my heartbreak
Things jumped out of place
Time felt so long as it tick-tocked
Tears got out of hand it went to be the river
It was my first time getting rejected
I had no idea it would leave a void
After all I never regretted any
As if you were my last choice
made this 30 minutes ago, fresh out of the oven.
nabila s Jun 2020
for today I'll be giving you my half
so when the sun hits the road
i could feel the warmth of your grin
as it lights the whole town just the same
for tomorrow i'll be giving you half of my remaining half
so when the crescent converges over the roof
i could hug you 'till the morning comes
and sense your arms under my heavy head
for overmorrow it goes on and on
so there will always be half left
bumps and lumps might be on their way
but it's alright
we can always try again
because you belong
to my tiny heart
423 · Aug 2019
plan to leave
nabila s Aug 2019
it’s time for me to go home. no more feeling blue, either the one causing bruise or the one that sets free.
maybe it’s you all along, never letting me in. throwing hearts by the bay seems to always be your thing, i see.
i keep telling myself you’re not the one. you’re not the one. you’re never the one. you will never be the one.
nevertheless, i always come back to one who has the brightest grin among all the fishes in the sea, one who says the least but worry the hardest, one who walks so slow but runs within my entire living existence, one who is loved by the world, yet loves the slightest.
and by that, one who blesses my being breaks like a thunderstorm as well.
anyone can’t deny the fact that you’re such a dream for a curse in a graceful disguise.
it finally comes to and end, i hope.

perhaps, you’re the best, you’re the worst, you’re the worst best person i ever catch on.
and perhaps, you’re not meant to be a home after all.
one time i got my heart broken
356 · Nov 2019
for the past 4 years
nabila s Nov 2019
i think about it every day
how your hands felt like the oceans
how your arms scream the fire
how your words gave me everything i ever thought i needed
but oh my
why do you have to leave?
nabila s Sep 2019
i hope that someday
i wake up among the sun, the moon, everything that shines
i hope that someday
i feel grateful for what i’ve become, what i have, what i am, what i deserve
i hope that someday
i am no longer inside the blues, feeling the greys, spreading the reds
i hope that someday
i will be enough

but for now
please let me be
252 · Jun 2020
06/06/2020
nabila s Jun 2020
happy birthday
for you are the blessing to my existence
and a ground for my sanity
a calm that drains my rage
and a storm who flush my fire
the one with the best beam
and a one to die for
who knows when the lights turn down
you gleam radiantly severe
for that I love you today and tomorrow
the time it took to circle the nebula
my full sun
happy fullsun day.
139 · Jun 2020
jp.lll (2)
nabila s Jun 2020
missed you every night
why so?
i don't know




we don't know
kamu di atas, aku di bawah. nggak apa-apa.
130 · Jun 2020
jp.lll
nabila s Jun 2020
loved you long enough to lose my heart
you took all of it
kapan-kapan, ya?

— The End —