missed you every night
why so?
i don't know




we don't know

loved you long enough to lose my heart
you took all of it

for today I'll be giving you my half
so when the sun hits the road
i could feel the warmth of your grin
as it lights the whole town just the same
for tomorrow i'll be giving you half of my remaining half
so when the crescent converges over the roof
i could hug you 'till the morning comes
and sense your arms under my heavy head
for overmorrow it goes on and on
so there will always be half left
bumps and lumps might be on their way
but it's alright
we can always try again
because you belong
to my tiny heart

i hope that someday
i wake up among the sun, the moon, everything that shines
i hope that someday
i feel grateful for what i’ve become, what i have, what i am, what i deserve
i hope that someday
i am no longer inside the blues, feeling the greys, spreading the reds
i hope that someday
i will be enough

but for now
please let me be

afraid of having you wholefully
for a fear of losing you pieces by pieces, slowly
from trapping you inside of me 24/7
to letting you go entirely
by saying i love you each and every single night
doesn't mean i want to be yours
i just wanted to feel, be loved, by loving
in case i don't get any of you
either because you're not used to me
or you choose not to
it doesn't matter
cause every time
my eyes scream 'you look beautiful' in every light i met you
my heart runs a marathon for the hope of welcoming yours into mine
even my nose sense a tragic yet desiring story of one who fell so deep
one became so in love
and for each time you smile, not for me, for who, but the world,
my existence has been blessed for letting you be one of thousands i've seen
one of hundreds i know
one of few i befriend
one of one i fell for

and when the time comes,
i know my invitation never really went away

i came too early that day. i remember that the room was still empty. you could even hear a footstep from the highest seat.

i didn't have anything to do so i sat on our supposed to be seat. it was not very high. we were on the middle seat. i was comfortable in that position anyway.

people came one by one, with their couple, their mother, their whole family. yet i was there all alone waiting for a man that promised to come before the show start.

you were right though. when the lights go out i could see you walking towards me holding a bucket of popcorn. at that point, i was 100% sure that the movie will not be as creepy as it should be (we watched horror movie back then, even though we both were chickens who couldn't watch no horror stuffs)  

the movie started, our selfes were half focused on the screen. the other is focused on our own mental. reminding it to not to go nuts when **** happens. we didn't talk much that time. we didn't even have the courage to eat the popcorn you bought.

sigh, this was the saddest part. you shouldn't have held my hand that tight. and i shouldn't have pulled your jacket so rough. wish we weren't watching horror movie so that wouldn't happened. i was indeed afraid of letting you go. but i did it anyway since i was a strong rebel, and end up regretting it now.

but anyway, thank you.

all that left now is emotion. painful feelings that cover my entire body every time i go to the theatre. it somehow attacks every inch of me, my senses are full of turbulances and trembeled affection.

hello again, and i'm sorry.
sorry for reminding you,
about how your hands,
felt like the world.

perhaps our love were only made for movie screen, and a piece of this pointless handwriting.

Sincerely,
your ex-almost lover.