why I can't sleep at night

Aug 2021

WickedHope

I hate that what I want from you
Is something you don't want to give me
I hate that I look at other faces
And I graphically dissect what ifs

#love #loss #lost #whatif

Aug 2021

WickedHope

A Punch To The Face Is Easier To See Coming Than A Stab In The Back

I
Wish
Abuse
Was
As
         Easy
                  To
                  Identify
                In
         The
Act
As
It
Is
After

#abuse #pain #victim #betrayal #blind

Aug 2021

AJ

BPD’s Lost

i’m still heartbroken,
lost without the person i turned to when my world was upside down.
but you proved that you stopped caring,
just like everyone else before you.
i know i am difficult,
a mess that’s so broken you kept getting cut on the pieces.
you promised me you would be there through thick and thin,
but now here i am becoming a narcissist writing about the pain you’ve caused.

#borderline #personality #disorder

Aug 2021

WickedHope

Do You Know What It's Like?

It's like when you hear a song playing on gas station speakers at 1:30 in the morning and you swear you know it even though it is as foreign as wearing your left shoe on your right foot

It's like starting over a game to see if you get a new ending or find a new easter egg except you haven't started over and you're still staring at the credits

It's like being on a plane for your first flight and having the engine give out when you've just left the runway and never flying again

It's like holding onto a candlestick while burning liquid wax spills over scalding each of your fingers but the fame is too beautiful to put out

It's like being neck deep in the ocean with the spray coating your face and being unable to discern if the salt you taste on your lips is from your own tears or the waves threatening to drown you

It's like always falling asleep before sunset and never seeing the moon making you believe she was never real in the first place and everyone just wants you to look foolish

It's like writing notes telling your life story and putting them in code and actually meeting someone who has not only cracked your code but also writes you back

[Insert well-dressed penguin here]

#unrequited #love #you #memories

Jul 2020

KNOWER

hu(e)man

with violet bridging up the flow,
from red right thru' to indigo
somewhere inside we All do glow,
we're All th' colours o' th' rainbow

' just simply thought to let y' All know...
🌈⭐

Jun 2020

KNOWER

Sadim's Hold

You've prob'ly heard it told before,
Of "Midas' Touch" in written lore
But what you prob'ly might not know's...
Of Midas' kin, "Sadim", his bro

While Midas' touch turned things to gold,
Sadim's hold would turn them old
Upon his touch, things would grow mould,
Or break apart like pummeled stone

Well, SADIM's MIDAS flipped right back,
his brother's white, and he's the black
his name suggests he turns things dim,
his presence's dark, foreboding grim

But mark you ye, they're needed both,
Sadim's death, and Midas' growth...

"SADIM" is "MIDAS" read in reverse...
(for any who might've missed it).

I have been feeling rather off-beat after having accidentally broken my brother's computer... :/

the experience left me feeling like...
Sadim, "the Angel of Death"... :(

I just thought to try and pen down my thoughts, and feelings, regarding the experience in the hope of getting some respite...

I hope you enjoy(ed) the piece...

may love, life, and light always be with you all... :)

#life #death #lifedeath #growth #mould #old #duality #unityinduality #unitingtheopposites #hermetic

Jul 2019

WickedHope

Beautiful, it covers your bones

My left hand is heavier now
Though I feel light
I'm floating
Like I'm underwater
But free of pressure

I am dancing and swirling and soaring
In a sea of our own creation
I am blissfully at peace

We both exhausted ourselves to get here
And I wouldn't trade it for the world

The moment did arrive
And we remain frozen
Until the thaw long awaited, due at winter,
We are here

Nearly done waiting
Finally done searching

I've found my favorite constellation
Beautiful, it covers your bones

Only a few months and then I get a new last name

#love #pain #growth #marriage

Oct 2017

WickedHope

Psychedelic Screams

I begin to hear the screams
First softly
Then on top of me
Each inside me yet racing through me
Each heart beat is a pinprick
***** my skin and pierce my flesh
As you breathe
And I scream
I scream because I don't want you to forget the sound
The sound of people in pain
Sometimes you don't know them
Sometimes you don't know me
Pinpricks draw out my blood to show you proof of the color
I once beat read
I once beat black
Now my heart beats psychedelic screams
Visible screams
Printed on your eyelids

Vegas. Pray for Vegas. Scream for Vegas. There is something wrong here.

#blood #scream #ink #tattoo #pray

Mar 2017

WickedHope

Breathe Me In Like Your Last

Breathe me in like your last cigarette,
because you swear you're going to quit,
as the smoke swirls past your head
and heads east.

Drain my cup like the last coffee
you pour yourself, even though it's 11 pm
and you really should go to bed soon
because you never sleep enough.

Color between my lines like you tried
to show your little sister, when she stole
your colored pencils and scribbled
all through your sketchbook.

Give me the kind of attention you give
sunset on the beach,
because someting about it makes time stop
and brings you peace.

Love me,
even though the only time you ever thought
love just might be more than a façade or a con
left you detached and empty.

Love me,
because I promise
I'm already trying
to love you.

Verbs.

#love #life #relationships #beauty #bad #me #habits #wickedhope

Mar 2017

Girl On The Wing

Overcoming

I have come back
Wiser
Real
Full
Whole

I am no longer the me that existed before.
I am no longer the me that was hollow.

I am new.
It is so clear,
I am new

Feb 2017

Miki

Red light

I think about it
I think about it
I think about it
Sitting here with you
I think about it
I feel shame
I think about it
I feel hate
I think about it
*** has changed
I think about it
Sitting here
With a smoke in my hand
A coffee on my lips
And I think about it
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
Too drunk
and I think about it
Not my house
Not my friends
Making out
God I think about it
Studying
Writing
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
I think about it

Some things don't leave you...

#friends #drunk #bad #night #red #*** #light #house #**** #bonfire