Ripping out pages and crumpling paper
Lately I can't just express without saying
Something too raw pulling **** out the closet
Leave grown women sobbing this **** is bizzare just
Bare with me I'm sorry my life is revolving
I'm falling in hallways get faded to jot this
Can't bring you up every girl I'm involved with
Hates you to death, because I share my heart with
You and you only
Only you see my side
We've loved and we've lied and we've cuddled and cried
We built up our pride
We've drank and gotten high
But every sober moment
Protected my mind
You rejected my kind gestures and efforts in time
made me realize I played the Jester
Just to get by
Wonder why did I lose love?
Well at least I did try
Stealing you rings just to make you all mine
Still remember your size
Those seven point fives that you'd take off at night
I know you lost a couple shouldn't come as a surprise
We both lost it all even who we both are
These emotional scars make what we had hard to find
I'm just stuck in the car strapped along for the ride
I tapped in to the side of me that's still too in love
I know its too much and you don't want to rush, but

Me and you were playing house
Start thinking that I'm losing touch
Falling asleep together on Mare's couch
Maybe I should loosen up
When I leave you and I go home
I start forgetting what it is
Gotta keep in mind our two beautiful kids
I mean that's *reason enough to ******* live

Why are we wasting our relationship on other relationships?*
You know how sticky these situations get
You go up higher than me some days
You know what I think we could be some day
But you already know my side of things, man

Sometimes when I look in the mirror
I feel like I am not what I see
The whole world might run in terror
If they were to truly see me

See, all I do is live in this shell
This isn't who I really am
I only need a dark place to dwell
This show I give is just a sham

I'm not a lump of organs and flesh
That eats and walks and ***** in breath
With this body, I can't seem to mesh
Maybe that's why I do not fear death

In my conscious mind is where I live
Trapped here inside my aching skull
If you would see what I have to give
I may no longer seem so dull

It's not my brain that's the hurricane
It's only me, a parasite
Here inside this host of cellophane
Always in invisible plight

Hush child let me tell you a tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

There once was a girl
Who believed in the paranormal
And would turn at the slightest sounds in a whirl.

Hush child and listen to my tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

She would always turn on a light
To illuminate what lay in the shadows
When she went about in the night.

Hush child and devour my tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

Living alone was she
When the darkness sought her out
And attempted to corrupt her psyche.

Hush child, now listen closely to this tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

As she left the door to her room
She froze where she stood
As she gazed upon her doom.

Hush child, pay attention to my tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

There stood a man in a top hat
Across the hall
He seemed ready for combat.

Hush child, do you hear the truth in my tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed?

The man stood across from her
Staring and nothing more
But his dark silhouette was a blur.

Hush child, hear now this tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

As they stood there
Watching one another
The girl felt a flair

Hush child, accept my tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

The girl took a step back
Closing her door
With a resounding SMACK!

Hush child, for this is my tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

The girl was frozen and feeling insecure
Staring at the back of her door
For what she felt was simple and pure.

Hush child, it’s almost over, this tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

The man in the top hat
Across the hall
Radiated evil, pure and simple as that.

Hush child, the end is near of this tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

She stood staring at the door in her room
Never wanting to leave again
For fear of having an early tomb.

Hush child, give ears to this tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

There once was a girl
Who believed in the paranormal
And would turn at the slightest sounds in a whirl.

Hush child, just listen to the tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

She would always turn on a light
To illuminate what lay in the shadows
When she went about in the night.

Hush child, this ends my tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed.

She lives in fear of the ghost
For she knows he will return
When she thinks she is safe the most.

Hush child, do you believe my tale
Of a ghost and a girl
When darkness assailed?

She was a fiery seashell,
  lost 'neath convoluted oceans
     amongst opuses of pure poetry,
artistically outspoken
   'tween invertebrate reality
secretly devouring mankind,
  beware Herr Lucifer,  
she rose from the gaseous chamber
   to live amidst ashes of immortality
         & renowned marital infamy,
      the eternal burning spirit of Lady Lazarus

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair  
And I eat men like air.
                 - Sylvia Plath

I don't need drugs. My brain is drugs.

Maybe it's a side effect of a mother that dropped acid for the first trimester of pregnancy and then some.

Maybe it's a side effect of the abusive step father that told me I would never amount to anything and that I am *******.

My brain processes things at about a hundred miles per hour. In conversations I am always three steps ahead of what ever was said last. I make connections in things that are unconnected.

They tell me this is adult ADHD. They tell me I should be proscribed a pill to help my brain focus.

But focus isn't what I want. Nor is the drowsiness that comes with Lorazepam, the fog that goes with Prozac. I have been separately proscribed these things without ever filling the bottles.

But I fear that if I fix all my chemical imbalances, my medical maladies, that I will disappear into a fog.

Who am I without my OCD, without my brain over processing, over loving, over caring. Without the pain in my chest from another panic, my bouncing off the walls and singing to myself.

Maybe I am unwell.

But who am I without my unwellness?

satellite of lust
stopping the presses
essentially broken
entrancing machine
never back-step
epileptic idol
old ways are dead
adhere to the lies
essentially broken
entrancing machine  
netting a good one
nearer to mid-life
fed up with the ghost
starting blank again
in a different palace
cemented to space
cemented to space
cemented to space