Injured from the outside..
Bleeding from the inside...
I'm touched and my body wants to suicide..
Got so far and all I have is the desire to die..
I lost my human side..
Searching for a therapy that can heal my mind..

Under the moon light...
I stayed awake overnight...
Crying and praying with a broken heart....
Waiting for the daylight....
Wishing and hoping something goes right...
I've started what I cannot restart...

I was a dead body for a long..
And from now wish just nothing goes wrong..
I've been waiting a long....
With a frozen blood and painful song..

Candle faith becomes less in length...
And fire flare started losing it's magic strength...

I've gone away with no words to say....

I've been where none have seen...

My precious poor heart is crated...
Beats very slowly and confused for what i've created..

My tongue attached in a deeply closed cell..
In a range of concerns with nothing left to tell..

Winds of past began to chase...
Searching for a memory was lost in the spacious space...

I'm dying..I'm done..
Suffering on my own..
Forever alone and entirely unknown..

Every breath I take..I get more pain...
Tied with an unbroken grief cursed chain...
But something keeping me alive..
Something giving me power..
Such a bright shine flower..
something telling me : You got the key and im gonna set you free..
stop grumbling and complaining cuz you're not the only broken tree..

Yesterday I was five years old and now am eighteen..

Dear past...
Why are moving too fast..
The flame of longing burns my veins..
And I'm trying hard and doing my best...
Just to breathe some fresh air and take a deep soul rest...

Dear past..
Please come and see...
For goodness sake...
Am a stormy sea..

I never thought how hard separation is..
Tried hard changing the life course..
But it was too late..
Tried my best to forget..
But it's just getting worse..

Used to see their lovely faces every day..
Every second, every moment..
But today everyone just walked away...

It takes me one second to remember but my whole life to forget..
                                        

Oh dear past..
I have always been wondering the way I feel..
Ohh dear past..
Seems This wound will never heal..
Ohhh dear past...
If you just could heal that damaged heart...


Ohh dear sky..
I wish I can fly...
Ohh dear sky..
Take me high..
Ohh dear sky..
Make me a soulless star..
Oh dear sky..
I wish I'm blue and blank like you..

Dear friends..
If I just knew..
How hard being far away from you..
But and unfortunately..
There's nothing left to do..
Your leaving left two things..
Joy,that will never be regained...
And pain that I don't wanna go through again..

If only life could be same again..
Farewell my friends,farewell...

I started from the bottom,
isolated in an endless pit of darkness.
The barriers i faced within myself,
caged my desperate soul
in a collection of fearful,
baseless insecurities.
turnover
I danced the bandages loose from its tight binds around me.
It's not that i'm no longer afraid.
It's that i wasn't afraid to be scared anymore.
I learnt to ignite a spark
into a fire -
bursting in a confetti of passion,
my body is use
to express.
i will no longer have this toxic suppressed.
fear?
fearless.

( FAH )

written February 27, 2013

"She locks the stall door and proceeds to cry
Strangers they were, not even one 'hi'
They passed by each other, no eye contact or smile
Now she sits in the stall that dear, dear child
He feels no remorse, no regret nor sadness
She falls all of this including the madness
That she can't seem to get over, a silly little boy
Who played with her heart, like it was a toy
The toy he did play, the toy he did break
The boy she did love, an honest mistake
And the tears she does shed, hide behind the wall
Of the feelings inside
Inside the bathroom stall"

written September 10, 2014

"All these old folk sippin on their coffee complaining about drug dealing, I wonder how they'd be feeling
If they knew what they were drinking was a drug
And all this talk about blacks vs whites
One man claims 'oh I'm not racist' but holds his views tight
About straight marriage
Claiming homosexuality is okay but if you're gay to stay away because he doesn't want you lifestyle publicly portrayed
They complain about the gays but also don't know that their daughter once went in a room with another girl and had her way
Straight, gay, lesbian - it's all the same
People complain about them all as if stating your opinion is going to stick out from another's
And how about this talk on teen mothers?
Complaining how abortion should be illegal yet she doesn't even know the other?
Are you expecting a child who has dreams and hope
To give up and raise a child because their daddy was addicted to dope?
Nope.
Your attitude on abortion is absurd
Have you heard - that it's not qualified as ******?
Or are you going to be close minded and let the girl suffer from her one mistake?
It's time to awake
And think about what decisions we really need to make
Like stricter security in schools, so they can't keep getting shot up by fools
And dealing with the homeless
I'm sure they would be blessed
It's time for people to understand priorities
And realize 'two men's love does not affect me'
All these old folk need to mind their own **** business
And let the new generation take over"

written  August 10, 2014

"I wonder why the girl next door always looks so sick
Day to day she wears her messy hair in a bun, and smeared red lipstick
Her eyes are followed by shadows and like a sun setting, their color red
Little did I know, she did this for her desire to be dead.
Her walks, usually clumsy - mostly at dawn
Her speech usually slurred, her thoughts mostly gone
She made nonsense when she spoke, of her ex, her mom, and friends
Little did I know, she did all this for the end.
Her eyes barely open, glossy and pink
She sat and stared at walls, unable to think
Her mind was a blank state - which was her main desire
Which is why she continued to contribute - an active buyer
Until one day, I didn't see the girl next door
3 days later, she was found dead on her bedroom floor
***** bottles empty, and a hand full of pills
I finally understood, why she always looked ill"

An Explanation


More lines written in my face than an old women.
More lyrical notes than an instrument of your choice,
I'm dancing inside to the sound of your voice .
Each word and phrase creatively counted,
Carefully picked up and placed,
Lights shining between each elegant phrase.

These words flowing from head to mouth,
Much harder than to paper.
Thoughts are lost in revisions and vapor.
I lose my heart and my voice,
With silly fears I've lost my choice.
Now I've come here with these words to say,
But all my metaphors got in the way.
So I'll say the words that will woo,
a small phrase that I can say,
I love you.

When i meant more than sleep,
when you kissed my lips too hard,
when you loved me too deeply,
and held me in your gaze too long,
when we weren't miles away,
you filled me with love,
that was when i was happy.
Now i wait for you to call,
wait to see if i will fit in with your day,
wait to see if i am worth it,
if i deserve the love you used to give,
i wait,
i always wait,
stuck in a never ending phase of purgatory,
this unrequited love i feel for you,
barred by distance,
feeling alone,
knowing you're there,
but feeling lonely.
stop this.
stop my heart from breaking,
go back in time,
to when i was happy.

You think your better then me
Really your just a bully
I am a human as well
But you don't see that
You call me names
Take my food and
Kick me
So you should be punished for that
But if I did punish you
That would mean
I am no better then you!

Love is a stranger,
She tries picturing it,
Grasping the concept of this thing called ‘LOVE’,
It’s everywhere,
Everything she sees, everything she hears about,
Or so it seems.

Doubts, and more doubts,
She’s troubled,
What is love?

Then,
She realised,
How certain was it that what she saw and heard was, ‘LOVE’?
The question remains unanswered,
And still, to her,
Love is a stranger.