This is not
Something more
Not sadness
No tears that could
Fill up or flood
This is just
Empty
Lacking
Where nothing is
Colour
Just numb
And
Existence.

I don’t know how to write

I only know how to feel, how to bleed

The red seeps into the page

Then somehow sentences are formed

Someone finds it, in a dusty wooden chest

In the back of the room

It’s been hidden, untouched, for years, and I didn’t know there was anyone else left

Somehow my heart isn’t the only one beating

I have this notion
That humans aren't meant to get close
To other humans
That people aren't meant to love
Other people
That hearts aren't made to bond
With other hearts

We are but floating bodies
Looking for life's purpose
Believing in this ridiculous notion
That love is real

For love is nothing but empty promises
And broken hearts full of sorrow
Love leaves nothing but bruises
And tears hoping for a better tomorrow

So don't apologize for leaving
Apologize you promised to stay
Alas I should've known better
People always leave anyway

And you tell me I'm cynical
You tell me I'm broken
You tell me I'm crazy
You tell me....
But that doesn't matter does it

It doesn't matter what you do
It doesn't matter what you say
Because in the end I'm right
In the end you'd never stay
...

If I were a tear
I would never leave the eye
I would stick to my origin
and never say goodbye

If I were a memory
I would never leave the priceless moment
I would stick to my origin
and would be forever stagnant

If I were what you are to me
I would always be there
and never stop trying
I would never make a fight
and never go away when you're crying

If I were a butterfly
I would kiss all my pains away
Although, this is impossible
But without pains, I would want to stay

If I were in place of him
I would run and come to me
So that things become brighter and not stay dim

If I were in place for her
I would support me
and understand the pain inside my eye
and never say goodbye

If I were the words you speak
I would never come out of your mouth
and would remove my existence
and let the love come out

If I were the place of our wedding
I would keep our love safe in a platinum ring
I would make sure that the couple who came here
remain forever and mistakes would spare

But I am what I am today
And I know that will never be enough
Because no matter what I do or say,
loved people will stay rough
And someday everyone will leave me alone
I guess I deserve this
But all I can do is to give them a li'l bliss
And then my dreams i would weave
Cause people always leave!!

I still have scars on my body
From that fated night
You can still see the lines
Where my soul ripped my flesh
And finally bled through
Spilling regret onto the hospital beds

No matter how hard I try
The scars still remain
A constant reminder
Of that day full of so much anguish
Days filled with much pain
My heart seems to break all over again

Days fly by, my thoughts chaotic
Sometimes never lingering at the though of you
But one glance at those scars
And it all comes flooding back,
Drowning in your memories...
Your sparkling blue eyes glistening with mischief
Your strange English accent always catching me by surprise
The way you wouldn't talk to anyone for days
But would jump out of bed days we planned to spend together
The way darkness hung over your life and stuck to you
But you would tell me I was the light that kept you going
The way you walked
The way you sang
The way you ate
The way you smiled
The way you laughed
The way you....

But none of that matters anymore does it?

Because I learned to bury all those memories
I learned to bury all those thoughts
I learned to bury all the pain
The day I buried you

...

You might’ve been the one with blue eyes, but I was the one who was the real monster.

Gorgeous is the woman
with storms in her eyes,
a bruised soul
and many scars
but still dares to open up,
to trust with her heart
and fall in love
that is a woman
who bleeds stardust
and cries
tears of pure love….