The stars begin to fall,
Through the darkness of my mind.
With quiet whispered calls,
Only chaos will they find.

Here colours swirl in time,
To the madness found within.
They start to flow and rhyme,
Until anxiety begins.

A crushing, pulsing weight,
Is baring down on me.
An overwhelming hate,
Of what has come to be.

I long for something more,
Then blackness and decay.
To find an open door,
And float my fears away.

My dreams are full of lies,
Full of vile thoughts that bleed.
They dance before my eyes,
And on my anger they do feed.

I wish for brighter days,
For a glow within my heart.
But this void forever stays,
And it tears my soul apart.

Pain is roaring in my skull,
Full of waves of raging fire.
It keeps my senses dull,
So my will begins to tire.

Exhausted from the fight,
From this battle in my mind.
I am lost without the light,
And my sanity unwinds.

Somewhere
in a dream
I gaze at sadness
      inside the folds
              of soft suede
     in hues of earth,
in its darkest shades
  and up surges longing,
breaking out
  breaking free
    a catharsis of emotions
rushing stormy
through me
Bursting in my veins,
now a river of tides
    from the swirl
               in my brain
      to the swell
of my thighs
and every inch
            of skin
aches with want
for a lost, ancient treasure
and I wonder
how ties
supposed to bind
were meant
     to be severed
for I am stuck
in this limbo
this dance
        between stars  
as the pain
in the staying
makes room
for new scars
and I'm thinking
that vows made
sometimes need
to be broken
before the soul
dies
in dark silence,
inner
   words
         never
   spoken

whispers wrapped with good intentions
are delivered so easily. the silver specs
of the paper to distract what’s underneath.

I will take your words cause they’re all
you will ever give. but I have to move on
from your grasp to learn how to live.

Like Breugel's Icarus
my brother Michael
dropped into the depths of the sea
unnoticed

Born at the bottom
of a crater of the moon
the sweetest foundling
since creation

His swaddling clothes
were denim and the blues
his pillow
a bottle of rye

This sweet soul
lived half a life
in halfway houses
and cheap motels
reeking of cigarettes
reeling from the *****

When he punched his ticket
on the midnight train to eternity
no one was surprised

I arranged the cremation
a fire that burned
more than one life

I gathered his ashes
and set out
for the crest of the Sierra Nevada

Alone
with my memories,
his ashes
and the cold stone
of those adamant heights

and then east
through the wastes of Nevada
the endless expanse
of the basin and range

A pilgrimage, of sorts
dedicated to nothing
and no one

Just the upthrust range
the solemn and self-absorbed peaks
the dessicated pine
and a wind
that scoured the soul.

I can't wash the smell of you off of my body.
I can't rid your touch from my hair.
The way your tongue wraps around mine,
About everything else... I just don't care.

The feeling of your face won't escape my finger tips.
Your eyes staring into mine...
Some sadness behind them still.
I want to hold you until they shine bright again.

You touch my collar bones.
I hold your hand.
We hardly talk.
We communicate through bands.

I see the images her all around your place.
But I forget it all when you look into my face.
"Let's go to bed."
That's fine with me.
We can pretend we don't cause each other misery.

When you hold me in your lap.
Regardless of who sees.
Is it alcohol or loneliness that fuels this need?

I can't escape your touch.
I can't forget the sound of your breath.
I can't wash away the scent of you.
I can't dismiss your touch.

Do I love you so much?
Or is it all about  a chase.
A love I'll never have...
I guess it has an exotic taste.

Who are these people?
Why aren't you listening to me?
Can you not see...what I can see?
I think that my soul wants to jump out of my body it is vibrating and I am shaking...
I am breaking
I try and sleep and only know these waking
hours...
Do you have the powers around here?
Where are you taking
me???

No, I don't want to be
No, I do not want to die
No, I've never ever actually tried...
yes, I wish I wouldn't cry
these up and down tears of utter panick, agony and distress  
Alright already I confess!
I'm probably just like the rest
I don't know... is this..
a test?
You....
tell ME?

I can't eat
or care for myself...
I feel nauseous
my stomach hurts really bad
yes I am, I am kinda sad
Occasionally I find happy
or laugh at something sappy
man that dog is yappy!
What is HE yelling at?
and why is SHE saying that?
did someone just barely call ME fat?

I don't trust that person over there
she has bugs in her hair
that girl...right there!
....that guy said so!
and HE should know...
and I don't like the way that one looks
at me...
He...
...is creepy... said I'm beautiful
bunch of weirdos and addicted crooks
no I don't want to read a stupid book!
or go to a class?!
For what?

I don't understand why I'm here
I'm afraid I'll never leave
You need to believe
I cannot understand I feel like I'm in Hell
That is not a place I'd ever want to dwell
I know I did NOT sell...
my soul!

Well then, what's your goal while your here?
Tell us what's the greatest fears?
Something whisper in your ears?
What do want your life to look like?
Don't look so worried
It's alright... take all the time you need
we'll feed you in the meantime
I can see...sweetpea...
your clearly confused and you look
like you took awhile to get here
you seem exhausted... so try and get some sleep

Oh..falling into the deep!
Oh I don't know
those picture shows
can be so frightening
the snapping, cracking deadly lightning and strange
gutteral things and horrible loud flapping, rapping blackened wings!
the Raven he came thrice
along with the 3 blinded mice
and other ones were not so nice..
...either

Yes...but still some are still exciting?
Even if still a little frightening?
Like dreams of forgotten or forbidden love
and singing Angel's from up above?
memories of your first sweet kisses
some so nice...and a few near misses
the boy that you sent for
on your hand blown wishes?
How he loved to watch you dance
in his eyes he stared at you entranced
your souls were one so intermingled
touching him it made you tingle...
and you loved how beautifully familiar
he was...
Remember that?

Yes I suppose..that you are right
time to rest here for the night
thank you for this dreaming land
when I wake up...you know...
I've planned
on doing everything better!

Okay, goodnight my darling
close your peeping..
sleeping eyes
No more tears for those to cry
Rest your overwhelming fears
get sweet dreams, my precious dear
I'll see you in the morning

I'm just warning...
No more walking dead
that's the only thing I still dread
I guess enough about that I've said...
Change will be here soon...I know.

Goodnight...
I'll see you in the morning light
when all my hopeful dreams
again...
...take their final ...
               winged flight.

Cherie Nolan © 2016

They haunt my dark corners
They linger like smoke in my eyes
They lead me down an empty path

The ghost of my past

They bring only acid tears
They chase away my fleeting joy
They trap my soul and **** my heart

The ghosts of my past

They can not destroy me now
They have no hold on my love
They cease to exhume my tragedies

You are the light of my future

You set my horizon ablaze
You ignite my imagination
You free my spirit

My past is only a ghost

By BPeterson

I see that you're struggling
I acknowledge your pain
One can't appreciate the sunshine
Without experiencing a little rain

I know you feel broken
As you count down seconds on the clock
Just know that when you need someone
I'll be your rock

Standing by you through the storms
Without pause I take on this task
You can cry, scream, or cuss me out
As we wait for them to pass

I understand that you're tired
But you mustn't stop fighting
When the darkness surrounds you
I'll shine a light, just keep climbing
  
You're not alone in your feelings
Though at times it may seem
We've all felt ourselves drowning,
Gasping, struggling to breathe

You are only human
You do what you can
Don't ever be ashamed
To need a helping hand

You're not without flaws
But that's indeed my favorite part
The realest person I've ever known;
A true work of art

you could store water
in the wells dipped deep
into my neck where
your grip once was.
your hold is too strong,
its weeds choke my lungs,
steals my own words
to replace with your own.
I was your garden
and I felt your hands
uproot my ugly, but you
took the flowers away too.
I stand now, an arboretum
of almosts and painful potential.
you leave me barren so
I have nothing to offer,
nothing of my own.
I wait to claim back
myself, all that I have,
and I am almost ready.

you are fall
you are the absence of warmth on early morning with sleep in my eyes
the teasing sunshine that makes rare appearances
the gray from my lips as I let go of unspoken words.
when you come, I have to hide more of myself.
exposing myself to you has grown so uncomfortable.

you let everything die
and not in the merciful manner of winter, not swiftly,
but drawn out.
early nights and denial of light
I find myself always wondering the alleyways alone.
death has never been so beautifully colored
I have never dreaded October so much.

Imagine -

this blackness as if it is something
tangible

that you can hide in your
hand

an apple core you can throw
away

when the flesh has been eaten
away

I fall into a medicated sleep
each night

close my eyes to the world
yet still

it moves around me,
pulses

like the streets of a big city
drowned in neon light

I want to touch this hook that has
gutted me

until only my body remains
the outer shell

of something living, the movement
of a clenched fist

plunged into a ribcage that
shatters and pierces the heart

they call it a dog and I know it
is animal

in nature, ruthless,
with an insatiable hunger

I am the root of the dying
flower

resistant but buried under-
ground

I can only see the sun in the
moon

the sea in a handful of salt
rubbed deep into the

wound