I find you between the lines,
when the sky is mercury
and the world slows to a halt.

in these moments
       (listen--the ocean is silent)
we whisper, crashing

in and out of starry tenderness,
hurricane youth. and
I find you between the lines

where our bodies fade into one another,
where hand meets hand meets
earth: there is something about

windy mornings, tacit eternities
and the way your fingers
             find escape in my hair.

among the tall slenderness
of poplars framing my view
the poised spire on the home
of the Sisters of the Holy Cross
looks tiny
in its striving heavenward

I do not know
that poplars think of God
   when they grow towards the sun
   and every year bring forth new leaves
   brave storm and droughts
   survive

I do not know if the nuns are much concerned
about their spire’s minor reach
their rules are as clear
   as their evening songs
   floating across the garden
   on moonlit winter evenings
their dedication is to care
   and heal some of the human suffering
   with love and prayer
or with magnetic resonance
   in more contemporary ways

the poplars grow
   and annually sprout new life

the nuns preserve
   the frailty of human bodies
   for after life

* *

You told me
it had no legs
it was time
to let it go
It was such a love
as I had never known 
complete 
bright and whole
as the full moon
You crippled it
at birth 
kept it hidden 
allowing only enough 
to keep it breathing 
while hiding it 
in shame
Abandoning it
then returning 
again, and again 
while I cradled 
its tiny heart
waiting 
I refused
to let it stop beating
though it had died 
so long ago 
I refused to see
it had been crushed
dead
under the weight 
of fear
in its infancy 
Resurrected 
by tender words
in a resolve
to nurture and grow 
full of hope
Then forgotten
as an addict’s promise
broken by words
left as a burden 
to the freedom 
that had always
been there for you 
It was crippled 
but I was blind

It never ceases to amaze me how enamored I am by the moon.
There's some sort of energetic mystical connection to my soul.
The way it  illuminates the darkness. It's mere poetic existence. It's breath taking.

It reminds me of who I am.
It whispers to me through the shadows.

As are the phases of life, the moon tells a similar story.

Unable to show the world her true potential. For even on the fullest of nights, when she's shining in all her magnificent glory, there still remains a darkness unseen. Unexplored. To that of which no man may ever see. The dark side that she keeps locked away.

She lets the sun dictate her beauty. She knows it's always there, but she won't shine without his light giving her courage to be seen.
And even then, with all his radiating love exposing her magnificence, she still conceals her darkness. It's her mystery. Always there hiding behind her entrancing allure.

Her mere existence makes waves. She can cloak herself in darkness yet the tide still pulls, longing to reach her. Desperate to get closer.

She's never whole for long. Her courage seems to dissipate soon after he leaves. Completeness is soon replaced with an empty sky. For in an ever changing universe there must always be highs and lows. Phases of life entrapped in a never ending cycle.

You may not always feel whole, but there's someone out there that still loves you when you're shrouded in darkness, that will seek you out when you're incomplete. For even a crescent is beautiful when you know what the shadows conceal.

voice calls gently in the night
dreams awaken lucid flight
gazing from Orion's shore
Angels open Heaven's door
shadows cross the face of Mars
lovers count the falling stars
Sun evokes a gentle breath
to mark another twilight's death
awaken dreamer to morning's light
dreams rest silent til birth of night

I will take the time
to gaze upon
the burnished chest
of the resident hawk
while I am waiting
for the sun to drop
and pastel
the water blue

I will patiently
wait
for the mountains
to radiate
for my heart
to steady
for the return
of peace

I will relinquish
control over
my tiny world
scattered thoughts
flying up
brushing
their curved wings
against me

I will remember
land and sea
will forever be
remaining long after
we hurt each other
long after we turn
our backs
on love

I will take the time
to be still
moon balanced
on my open palm
illusive beacon
enlighten
the coming
night

i.

those velvet hands curled around my glass throat
but i laughed at the pretty little splinters
that would pierce your delicate fingers
while my fractured shards scattered
across your marble floor
sparkling
shattered -- fragmented --
broken

ii.

my ashen core melted into your blazing sorry
and crept up into the narrow
crevices of your collarbone -- an exodus
for this bloodless being
and this cold coffee has never before tasted
so empty
so tired
so gone
so much like

iii.

this galaxy -- you should try it, maybe
i escape instantly into
an astral tenderness and silly little
constellations like the ones you used to trace
on my starlit waist while we smiled about
nothing & everything & skin
                                       & skin
                                       & skin

I cultivated something under the snow
Sewed it deep to watch it grow
I felt the roots take and the warmth on my face
Resonating from the hearts I had froze

I shuddered against the intense heat
Battling my soul within a heartbeat
The seconds pass but the moments last
As the past slowly puts me to sleep

And of what should I dream but the bloodless seeds
And their chilled heartbeat from underneath
The silence sweeps as I wake and weep
And reflect, I respect that I cut too deep
And your demons escaped
But in my defense, recompense was achieved,
You did bleed, but never believed in Band-Aid
And every hand laid against you was desired
You're hardwired for self-defeat

I crush myself amidst my own callous hate
Bringing to light a dreadful new fate
With scars that burn and the images they create
Collapsing, falling under the massive weight
And suddenly you surround me
Making it difficult to breathe
But all the lies you never did believe
A layer of doubt hidden beneath
Typically speaking, you never say what you mean

you have done wrong
you know it
you hate it
you cannot undo it

how do you cope with it
how can you
look at your face in the mirror
and live with it
  
how can you heal
the pain and hurt you caused
the wrongs you did

guilt is a dangerous friend
strong for some time
full with repetant deeds
   you go widely out of your ways
   to make up for past mistakes

yet over time
this may become a habit insincere
  you do the proper things
  but in your heart
  the hope diminishes
that they will show
   eventually
an exit from the past
   into a brighter future

leaving you
   stranded
in a world threatened by fake remorse
   where penitence becomes routine
   the rituals of asccusation and defense
play themselves out like in a loop
   in endless repetition
    without relief

the pain you caused
the wrongs you did
are thrown up in your face
with unrelenting fury
each time a knife
   twisting in slow motion
   right in your heart

each twist draws blood
and gradually you feel
   your lifeblood flow away
with each renewed attack
   determined will
   suffers another blow

temptation to give up
grows stronger and
   at times
seems like the way
   to ease
   tormented souls
   to break
   the self-destructive circle

if you fight on
   a battered knight
   in shredded armor
it is not out of guilt
but out of love
   that wants to heal the wounds
   you cut in selfish moments
out of responsibility
   for what you did
of which you are ashamed
and cannot love yourself
until she loves you back

   again

          * *

You cannot know
Because you cannot see

You cannot see it because you are here, now
and it won't come until then is now

You cannot know
Because what's meant to be
Is not a decision made by you, or me

A call higher, from above
You cannot see what it will be until you get to where you're going

And it is fine, really, that you can't
Because your heart will guide you
It will tell you what your mind can't

The will of God
Upon your life Will be
There is a will for you and for me

You cannot see you can only be
You can only be the best you can be
You can only trust and love free
By being, you will walk in Destiny

-Ryss

Life is a huge prison,
My imagination endless as much as universe,
But you are unreachable still.