she had promised

   he kept waiting

he knew it would be
   late

and kept himself busy
fighting against
   the lump he felt
   beginning to form
   in his chest
when long after midnight
the phone continued
not to ring

he thought of
how she would enjoy
exhilarating company
   and be happy

in the end
when her voice
   would come
across thousands of miles
exhausted yet pleased
he would swallow hard
and simply tell her
"I love you"

Welcome to my testimony.
Silently allow my words to infiltrate your mind and create this imagery of a matrimony.
Allow these words to cluster your mind,fill your heart as your veins pop with excitement as I take you through the ceremony.

I was battered,
Emotionally tattered.
I saw my soul walk away from me.
I watched my demons come at me in forms of alcohol, pills, depression and anxiety.
I ran to the corners and they whispered for me to confide in them.
I choked on my words as these monsters were inside my ear, inside my head, I covered my eyes as they were lurking in. Smirking to me and telling me it was over.
I tried to run to you but I couldn't, tried to express myself but I felt like a broken statue.
I forced myself but still nothing.
I was worried, terrified, petrified, all the words in the dictionary.
I tried to say something but my vocabulary left me,
My pronunciation betrayed me.
I felt myself slip from your grasp.
I shouted and screamed as I watched your eyes fill up with black ink.
You closed your eyes as you let go of me.

As I was falling off,
The wind tried to push me up,
Tried to save me but the demons fell heavy on them that they let go.
I fell back first on the pointy rocks,
Vertebrae cracking as it made contact with the rocks,
Ribs cracking while stabbing deep into my broken heart.
I laid there for months.
Wallowing in the heat while embracing the heat.
Thinking about you

It took me a while to realise you're worth the fight.
That you're the reason for my blissful nights.
You were my teddy when I was scared, I always held on to you tight.
But I let you go that day
I never fought for you with all my might.

And I apologise.
You're my freedom,
My emotions, my thoughts
My only hope in this world.
Poetry you're the one.
And I'm back for you.

Watch as I please you with my lyrical words.
As I go bases higher than third.
As my words hit you to home run.
As my words become the golden goal.
Poetry I'm back for you.

My poems are for me and for my soul alone
Why ask me to dedicate it to you?

The only thing I have when I shut my door
And when I tell myself 'I ain't going no more'
Why I ask me to dedicate it to you?

The friend with whom I can confess all my fears
The pal to whisper hope while kissing away my tears
The receiver of my endless drama
And countless struggle with my crazy mind
The tiny ray of sunshine that makes me hold on and believe
That one day I'll see the light
The only reason why i'm still here
Alive and still kicking
And even if I fall down,
I still get back up and try.
*So why ask me to dedicate it to you?

So there, the two of us were, holding hands
You were the expert, teaching me how to dance
Both utterly oblivious that
Tho you were training my feet
It's my heart that learned how to properly beat.


Translated from: "Ang Huling El *****" by Parokya ni Edgar (chorus part)
Translated by: Jaina Marie Alexis

Reading Kafka tonight
Turning the page then being
Startled
By a dead flower falling
from the middle of the book
I remembered her face
And her soft high voice
I felt it crawl up my backbone again
"Read Kafka, please? Just read it for me, he's really great."
"I might try..."
We were so bad for each other
Brought together
By the pain of our pasts
But she taught me how beautiful the
World could be
Flowers, animals,scents,escaping
She taught me that the whole thing
Is trivial,useless,a bad joke
You could pick up and leave
Whenever you want
And in the end she did
I was real hurt, but now
I am proud of her
I found an anarchist, unemployed, ***** haired beauty
And turned her into a bitter, screaming, money obsessed nurse
It wasn't right
I brushed the dead flower from
The bed
Hoped she had made it
To the cacti and the cold sand
Took a warm sip of whiskey
And got back to Kafka
She was right again
He is great

The simplest things stress me out

Graduation day is only months away
And i'm somewhere between:
"Oh I'm gonna miss all my classmates"
And
"I'll never gonna see your stupid faces ever again, halleluiah!"

I've been broken and bruised.
I've been used and betrayed.
I've suffered and struggled.
But my story isn't over yet.

on the first day of spring
my mother died

she had always loved flowers
and had turned
our interior hallway
into a luscious greenhouse
   father was not always happy
   about the falling leaves

in her later years
when skiing was no longer hers
she hated winters
   their long nights
   their waning sun

she was always longing
   for spring
waiting for the day
the morning sun lit up
the kitchen desk again
in her parents’ house
where she was born
   and had grown old

the night before
I had called and told her
that here in the south
the first flowers were already
   dotting the gardens

she had smiled on the phone
   almost inaudibly
speaking had become difficult

   maybe her last images
   were of colorful spring meadows

today at 7.10 a.m.
my mother died

spring has come

I hope I live to see Ed Sheeran, and Taylor swift live, and spend new years in New York
I hope I make the perfect coffee for my future love and maybe even raise a puppy.
I hope my writing actually gets somewhere,
Than just spilled on a random page,
Of a giant internet database
I hope my little quotes and lyrics
Are sketched into teenage journals
I hope I meet my biggest supporter someday, and hang out with them in Disneyland.
I hope everything stops being crazy,
And everything starts becoming clearer
I hope everyday I am alive, I make positive impact.

I hope, I hope
That the Universe notices,
All the times I nearly broke..
Were all the times,
I began to grow.