it's strange for me to feel safe or happy
maybe because he introduced me
to insecurity, pain, and scar in the first place
they've been my best friends ever since then
and I don't know who I am without them
but you're here now
serving me a plate of devotion and love;
the one I always hoped for but never got from him
and no matter how tall my walls are
my love safety system is not sounding an alarm
how odd, I pushed you but you pulled me back
so I stopped fighting you and your ray of light
beside, in order to know happiness again
all I have to do is open the door for you, right?

I had a wish once
I wanted them to feel
when I wrote

I wanted to watch them react
to every high and depressing low

I wanted them to place their hands
on their chests, embracing their hearts
with security, as mine shattered on paper

I wanted them to giggle and laugh
as mine danced between the lines

I wanted them to take a deep breath
as I dove from the first line
into love and all its forms

I wanted them to know
that there's a world out there
on paper, in pencil, in pen
even typed
that they have
no clue about

I wanted them to yearn
for more
for no full stops for more flow
for more plots between him and her
sometimes between the sheets
or even dancing in the galaxies

I wanted them to
to
want

You are a certain type of something
You left empty picture frames and broken glass when you disappeared
On Sunday mornings your drowned yourself in liquor and honey, never giving a **** what anyone had to say.
Intimacy to you was a soft spoken poem that you wrote half drunk in the middle of the day.
Dancing around the living room in the middle of the night, singing the words to the song at the top of your lungs
Jesus Christ you're so ******* beautiful
Being with you was like driving right into oncoming traffic.

Stepping forward in heavy chains
I trip and fall coming face to face
with the truth of myself

the weak of the weak
learning long to forgive
the choices that made me

who I am and was
in the furnace of today
I forgive and forgive again

and I walk this road
with renewed freed hope
so much lighter now.

their love was strong.

      but timing was wrong,

              and love decided

       that they didn't belong.

And that bird sang to me,
When I would cry.
Joyful tunes from that tree,
To make me smile.
But I left the bird alone,
And died inside.
Didn't listen to its tone,
He loved me.

I will explore every inch of you.
I'll entangle the distance between
your lips with the dance of my tongue.
I'll count your ribs and locate
your vertebrae with my lips.
I'll smear my auric hands all over your body.
I'll paint you like a poem and
write you like a painting.
I'll form nebulas on your back
and study the origin of light
in your eyes.
I'll study the ontology of your laughter.

This is what I promise you;
not to love you, but learn all that you are.