For once I did not secretely crave his rescue.
I did not want to be scooped up
And have my pain smoothed over
By kisses.

I wanted to sit alone
Hold my pain in tightened fists
and stare at the wall.

As if I was looking for an answer to my misery.
Staring for another world to hide in but all I saw was a blank slate
And when I pressed my forehead
To the cold paint,
I did not hear an echo
Or a whisper to help solve my problem.

All that there was in this room
Was empty

Including me.

I am the weeds growing between the cracks in the concrete.
A beautiful marigold, reminding others of sunshine
But I am still deadly, filled with bitter dandelion milk.

                                       No matter how pretty.
                                                  I am still,
                                                      Just
                                                        A
                                                    ****.

I killed your hopes and dreams
but... How?
I am the very thing that makes them come true.
I fly peoples wishes in the wind.

                                     No matter how magical.
                                                  I am still,
                                                     Just
                                                       A
                                                    ****.

I come back after every **** spray that decays me down to a black, ashy, flower imprint on the sidewalk.
I sprout back with more sunny flowers and more wish seeds.
I have rooted myself.

                                     No matter what you do
                                               I will always
                                                     Grow.
                        
                                 Your honey-colored nightmare.

I woke up to the fact that I've been compartmentalizing people.

Sectioning off different aspects of their personality and treating them like strangers.

As if they aren't just one and the same.

It's gotten me in trouble to fall in love with
The good you's and developing too much leniency for the bad you's.

Almost ignoring the bad altogether.

But sometimes we have to put it altogether to accurately make an assessment on someone's character and if we really love them,
And even if you really love them,
Is it safe for you to love them?

I can't hide from the whole anymore.

Its gotta be all or nothing.

Imaginary butterflies that danced around my head in a halo,
Flowers and twigs and leaves
That stuck out of my hair
And little kisses from the sun
That people called freckles.

Hands that were powerful enough
To open doors that turned into portals.

Eyes that saw fairies and magical things.

Ears that heard talking trees.

I was a kid
Idealistic and dreamy as could be.

Then I grew up
And somehow the stars were dimmer.
Summer didn't smell like adventure
And winters snow was just ice
And no longer glitter.

Swings didn't make me fly
And slides weren't a dragons tail.
I was just a girl that believed in things that weren't ever real.
With a heart that beats still,
Wishing to believe that it'd all come true
But more than anything
I just wish that sometimes
I could age back.
Maybe only for a little while
Maybe forever.
Just wish I hadn't thrown my imagination down the hatch.

I am so tired of hearing I'm too deep.

How about instead of saying

How much you love the ocean

You just start saying

You like swimming with the waves on the shore?

I only have time for people who like to scuba dive,

Not those who snorkel

On the surface.

I picture pieces peeling
White and withered
Flying,
Like wood ash from fire,
I am tiring.
A soft powder trailing
From whomever I used to be.

I want her to be so down to earth that I can smell the soil on her skin.
I want to bury my face in her hair and her neck and feel her peace,
The way it shows in her smile
I want to touch it.

I want her to be so natural that it feels like I'm running through a forest
and when I grab her it's like grabbing handfuls of the leaves that are underfoot.
She tastes like the first smell of autumn.

I want her heart to love me the way the sun sets on the valley.
Bursts of color that are so warm you long for it to stay longer
as it disappears into the cool night.

Let us collide like a waterfall on the rocks
and splash into each others souls.

At least I know
That even though
Humans disappoint me,
That this soil and earth
can heal and feel this soul.

At least I can be grateful for the fact that
A storm can relate to my broken mind.

At the very minimum,
at least I know that I can connect with something
in a way that I wish another could.

But souls are a world all their own
and it takes a stroke of luck
to experience something that strong.

The waves have settled and the water is still.

Clear skies,
there are
no storms here.

There is always an emptiness before I drown again.

I want life to leak out of me and for others to drink from my soul.
Breathe a new passion you've never known and shine,
Shine and ignite those below you.
Let's burn, burn with a fire
That only a few can taste.
Let's grow higher than we ever imagined and fly up,
Nothing but smoke,
A whisper.
Touch heaven and stars
Make love like never before and live,
Live forever as we touch
The sky and our hearts.

The same scroll and click, scroll and click.

Close.

Reopen,

Refresh,

Re-scroll.

I can't stop.

Approaching the stand,
She shook with ultimate fear but
Also, excitement.

"There's not much time."
She heard them whisper urgently in the background.

Quickly she stepped forward
And glided her palm along the old leather cover with a gasp of awe and fear.

She tucked her fingertips
Between the gold lined pages and
Pulled it open.

Scanning and flipping through pages
She found her name but stops abruptly.
Closing her eyes and holding her breath, she slowly peaks open one eye.
Was she ready to know her heart's question?
She looked and tears dived over cheeks.

In cursive
There it was written next to hers.
"Hurry." They whispered again, snapping her out of the daze.
She quickly gathered herself and shut the book of fate.

Quickly escaping without all her answers, but at least she had the most important one.

Today I woke up and I already knew
It was going to be
An Everything day.

It's what I call the days that you wake up and feel like your head is already full of bees,
And your stomach doesn't quite feel easy but rather queesy.
When I roll over to try to assimilate while I take in deep breaths, and as I stare at my ceiling I feel like my chest is exploding with every feeling under the sun.
I close my eyes as I try to decompress the vast,
Swirling Galaxy trying to remain contained within.
And the sounds of the fan in the background feels like the winds of a high mountain top and the light that randomly billows in feels like it's absorbing into my skin.

I breathe in
And feel it all fill my lungs with more than air but
Life!

And on the breath out, it all zooms back to me.

I go from the top of the cold Mountain view and it's icy winds that I was just breathing in, pulled back to the fan and the light in my window and as I exhale more air; the further I come back to my mind, my eyes open and there's that ceiling again.

The emotions and the thoughts still slowly swirling in and around me like the creamy designs that twirl clockwise in coffee after stirring.

I try to breathe,
But it just expands me more,
I breathe out,
I shrink into nobody
Until I become
No Thing.

How can I constantly feel
Everything and Nothing
All at once... For eternity...

A soul as fragile as glass
But don't be fooled by its beauty and delicacy.
Glass can cut as easily as it can shine.

Be careful how you hold her
and hope you never break her.

She'll crack and she'll never come back.
Even though glass is smooth
Doesn't mean her soul isn't strong.

Be careful how you hold her
and hope you never drop her.

She'll burst into beautiful pieces
but they will be only be as soft as shrapnel.

Be careful how you hold her
and hope you never lose her.

I am scared to become human again.

This mind has expanded and this Eye has

lifted this world from grey to color.

If you only could read these words and understand

The me that you knew

Has left the view.

I am I N F I N I T E

and I seep into the dirt and the leaves,

pieces of me are in everything and them in me.

I can finally feel it all so much stronger.

I am no longer here,

I am with

The Mother and The Father.

Eraser, eraser
There for mistakes.

Eraser..

Erase her?

Yes!

Erase her, erase her
Right off the page.

She doesn't stay between the lines
And she doesn't need to stay!

Erase her, erase her
She never belonged anyway.

Eraser,
Erase her!

She's too colorful
For this world of grey.

He was like going on a walk early in the morning with falling snow.

That same quiet peace that muffles the air

Was why he was my chosen home.

I sip this bitter coffee,
Swirling the creamy signatures across each taste bud,
Sitting with an aftertaste I wonder,
What would it taste like on your tongue?

I'll always dream of early morning coffee in bed,
But sadly,
You're not a coffee drinker.

If I had the ability to choose what I am,

I would like to be colors, light and sound.

To have consciousness swept around me and I spread out freely,

stretching into the atoms and melting into the particles of existence.

I hate how words die in me and other days they fly in me.

Wings flapping against my heart,
Trying to flutter out of my mouth
as they take off from my tongue.

Right now, there is just an empty room
With feathers on the floor
and nests waiting for eggs to hatch.

What do I do to get it all back?

Where do I find the warmth for these eggs
and how do I nourish the nestlings long enough
to teach them to fly
like I did once before?

In the stillest of moments,
Like in early morn or
Late night when the world has
Teetered on it's quitest side,
My soul escapes.

Floating in small pieces on the coarse of my breath,
It drops like snow and melts
me into the present.

And I let an essence of myself
Bind into the fabric of those memories, and every early morning
Or late night when everything around me has settled,

I come back to life a little.

You walked in,
And I could feel everything bursting through the door.
Emotions swirling around you to the point I think it spun me dizzy
But it woke me up,
And I was hoping I could just catch
A little bit of that wind
Comin' off you;
My grand tornado.

Isn't it strange?
To feel the red string of fate
That ties people together.

The way it tugs at heart chords
Playing a tune so faint,
You can't help but get closer
To try and hear the words
Two souls sing.

I'm sick of dragging and sinking.
My head full of excessive thoughts with no way of escape
Because they always come back.
I'm playing them on repeat and eventually the words split up and
fall apart
Into their individual letters and they stack.
Like Tetris,
Going and going
Until there is no more room and


                                                       You lose.