Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Aug 8 · 366
All or Nothing
Chelsea Rae Aug 8
I woke up to the fact that I've been compartmentalizing people.

Sectioning off different aspects of their personality and treating them like strangers.

As if they aren't just one and the same.

It's gotten me in trouble to fall in love with
The good you's and developing too much leniency for the bad you's.

Almost ignoring the bad altogether.

But sometimes we have to put it altogether to accurately make an assessment on someone's character and if we really love them,
And even if you really love them,
Is it safe for you to love them?

I can't hide from the whole anymore.

Its gotta be all or nothing.
Jun 24 · 515
Inner Wounds
Chelsea Rae Jun 24
I tried to love you with everything I had.
My love stirred up the darkness,
Shined a light and
Woke up your demons..
They didn't want love from me..
And one day I realized
Its because they wanted love
From you.
Apr 25 · 430
It echoes
Chelsea Rae Apr 25
And if the depths of my painful screams could echo loudly enough, booming like sonic waves throughout the universe,
they'd ripple out and shred tears in the dimension to bring forth a timeline where
I never lost you to begin with.
I wish I could take it all back
Nov 2022 · 223
Chelsea Rae Nov 2022
I'm so desperate for peace
That a part of me
Is tempted to do something
Drastic to get it.

Like jump off a building
Thinking I'll fly.
Its eating me.
Nov 2022 · 184
Chelsea Rae Nov 2022
I have a wishbone

Where my backbone should be

And I bend over backwards

Trying to manifest my dreams.

I don't know how I developed such a spineless way

Of walking through this life,

But I know I need to get a grip,

and charge forth towards the sky.
Take the risk.
Nov 2022 · 182
No Keys to Me
Chelsea Rae Nov 2022
I will rip out every key to every door you think or ever thought that you had access to.

I will go down the line.

Slowly turning each lock,
As I whisper under breath,

Nov 2022 · 200
Curiosity Killed Her
Chelsea Rae Nov 2022
It is weird to love someone

So elusive.

I was drawn into the mystery,

To find it's only there

To hide the lies.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Nov 2022 · 405
Temporarily Existing
Chelsea Rae Nov 2022
All is temporary
Through the sands of time.

Nature and the seasons.

Emotions and feelings.

Stories and history.

Who even am I
And what does it all matter
As it disappears in time?
Eventually forgotten.
Nov 2022 · 117
Lonely Void
Chelsea Rae Nov 2022
I can't seem to fill
The endless, gnawing void in my stomach
That infinitely expands with age.

The black hole in my stomach
That keeps me from truly feeling home
With anyone, anywhere.

They say home is where the heart is,
And maybe mine got unknowingly
****** in too.

Everything consumed by the pit of loneliness.
So. Alone.
Oct 2022 · 124
Five Finger Filet
Chelsea Rae Oct 2022
I can't wait to shove hot knives down your throats after all the times you made me swallow hot truths that even my tongue didn't want to have to spew but you cowards could never.

So who will stand for justice if not me?

I won't apologize for my skewed ways
Of execution either,
Because its your fault im twisted baby,
Let's play five finger filet,
Whats wrong?
Don't you trust me?
Sep 2022 · 138
Chelsea Rae Sep 2022
I still am not entirely sure if free will or fate exists
if somehow in this chaoticly ordered universe that they overlap randomly in time.
Sep 2022 · 110
Carnival Life
Chelsea Rae Sep 2022
Life is a **** deal.

No matter how great the cheap thrills, tricks, and food is,

It isn't worth its counterpart.

The pain isn't worth this chaos carnival ride

And the only ones who think it is

Are the clowns.
Life's a joke.
May 2022 · 952
Rainy Day Persons
Chelsea Rae May 2022
I am not here for your sunshine,
I am here for your storm and waiting on the rain.

I am not here to coddle you
Without at least touching the pain.

It's easy to love a happy, easy going, sunny morning,
But it takes guts to smile through someone's rage.

I will not tolerate dragging weight.
I will break your ******* cage.
The ankle on the chains.

How much longer will we hear the thunder
Before you finally just let it rain?

Rain on me and bring sweet inner alchemy.

Rain, rain, rain,

And be free.
Feb 2022 · 694
Wanna Play a Game?
Chelsea Rae Feb 2022
You thought you were the angel of death?

You thought you could hide your shadow forever did ya?

How clever you think you are.

Are you excited to play with demons?

Are you excited to see what I can do?
What kind of games I'm capable of?

Fallen angels know nothing of hell.
I'll make your life a living hell:)
Try me.
Feb 2022 · 196
Your Grace
Chelsea Rae Feb 2022
And when I can see you in your highest light,

I would call you My Grace,

For how well you have demonstrated it, again and again.
"Forgiveness isn't a feeling. It's a decision to offer grace instead of demanding justice." ~Dr. Gary Chapman
Feb 2022 · 286
The Hero's Journey
Chelsea Rae Feb 2022
Leaves shake in the wind

As the rain pours on the forest floor below.

Water droplets soak the ground for growth.

Giving birth to new life

After storms and strife.

A fresh beginning, made from recent revision.

Sun parts through the clouds.

There's no more division.

A warm light now glows, giving view to a divine vision.

My soul now in remission.

It is time to make a very important decision.

To hold on, or go forth on the Hero's expedition.

Don the armour, be brave and bold.

Or stay back, let not the story be told.

To deny my heart, may leave me cold.

False stories I shall not be sold.

Behold, the guiding light, fire of my soul;
And through my example
Change how destiny unfolds.
Collab poem with Jezra Mashego <3
Feb 2022 · 518
Chelsea Rae Feb 2022
Our deepest natures are poison when mixed.
Nothing but pain and irritation.
Feb 2022 · 1.1k
Shame the Depths
Chelsea Rae Feb 2022
It's weird. . .

The way humans shame those who can and do feel more deeply than them,

For having a more intensely experienced reality,

Just because they can't see it, hear it, feel it, then it must be

That we are just over-dramatic, that we are "making it up" . . .


But really, who's fault is it that you're still dead inside?
They know not what they do.
Dec 2021 · 110
Window Life
Chelsea Rae Dec 2021
There's a pane of glass

Between me and the rest.

Inches thick and it feels like it

Thickens with age.

A growing television screen,

A window scene,

A phone in the dark that's glowing,

An imaginary distant dream

Leaving me on the outside.

A passerby,

A drifter,

Watching movies play as I continue my way.

And I watch and I watch,

I watch my life away.
Am I living? *** am I doing here?
Nov 2021 · 151
No Catch
Chelsea Rae Nov 2021
If you love someone, then why is it hard to say it?

Why is it hard to tell them and count the ways they have somehow

Rooted themselves within you as your favorite person?

Quite a confusing conundrum.

Because in my head we live in world's unknown, and

I can bare the deep vulnerability that comes with the words.

I can say it, shout it, sing it, paint it, all in my own dream world.

Why couldn't I say it in depth, in description,

even if I lay on death bed?

The desperation that builds in my chest, in my throat, and sinks and wrenches my stomach until it sinks

Because I just want to tell you.

Yet, when it's time I go blank in mind.


This makes me feel like I don't love you at all..

But that answer isn't right either..

I just hate that I am bad with words.

My own articulations are like hooks without bait.

And I cast and I cast and I cast my line

but yet, no words come to bite..

I'm just a stranded, confused girl, on a boat in the middle of the sea of love, ultimately at a loss with myself.

I'm sorry that I have never really been that good at fishing.
You're quite a catch and I am not sure how I
Oct 2021 · 900
Waltz with Shadows
Chelsea Rae Oct 2021
She dances in the Underworld

because it's the only place judging eyes do not see.

Dancing in the dark,

Elegantly twirling and falling back into the arms

of the Great Unknown.
Oct 2021 · 121
Forgiveness Types
Chelsea Rae Oct 2021
Maybe there should be a different word for forgiveness because there are two kinds.

There is the forgiveness that we all automatically think of when we hear that word.

The kind where when they apologize and you feel the betrayal and pain come crashing down, collapsing on top of you all at once. Your world falling apart, or maybe just the walls of defense but as they begin to crumble, you can hear their, "I'm sorry," echoing through the back of your mind as you let the pain wash over you.
With each wave that comes you begin to bathe them in the cleansing waters too.
Your pain transmuting through a hug and three little words and you can feel it all wrap around you both like a big warm hug and you just...
Let go.

Then there's the kind of forgiveness that happens with boundaries.
This kind gets you stuck in your anger because more than likely the other person isn't going to come to you at their knees and try to show you they wanna make it better.
Or maybe, they just plain have run out of chances and your good graces wore thin but this kind of forgiveness will bring you to your own knees.
Begging for reprieve from the knives that have been stabbed into back. You just wish it was the person who put it there to give it but it won't be them.
It'll be you.

And you don't ever really "forgive" someone when you've finally removed THEIR knife the way you do when someone takes accountability for their half of the pain.

The other half of forgiveness is painful and lonely.

But you do it for you.
Just like they did it all for them.

You don't get a loving hug.
You get rug burnt, bleeding, hot trembling hands as you finally let go of the weight that was slowly about to drag you off the cliff from holding on.

But the minute you let go you find relief as the cool wind lightly kisses your callouses.

So you let it go.

Let go.
Forgiveness with love or with boundaries.
Oct 2021 · 322
Everything Day
Chelsea Rae Oct 2021
Today I woke up and I already knew
It was going to be
An Everything day.

It's what I call the days that you wake up and feel like your head is already full of bees,
And your stomach doesn't quite feel easy but rather queesy.
When I roll over to try to assimilate while I take in deep breaths, and as I stare at my ceiling I feel like my chest is exploding with every feeling under the sun.
I close my eyes as I try to decompress the vast,
Swirling Galaxy trying to remain contained within.
And the sounds of the fan in the background feels like the winds of a high mountain top and the light that randomly billows in feels like it's absorbing into my skin.

I breathe in
And feel it all fill my lungs with more than air but

And on the breath out, it all zooms back to me.

I go from the top of the cold Mountain view and it's icy winds that I was just breathing in, pulled back to the fan and the light in my window and as I exhale more air; the further I come back to my mind, my eyes open and there's that ceiling again.

The emotions and the thoughts still slowly swirling in and around me like the creamy designs that twirl clockwise in coffee after stirring.

I try to breathe,
But it just expands me more,
I breathe out,
I shrink into nobody
Until I become
No Thing.

How can I constantly feel
Everything and Nothing
All at once... For eternity...
All is One and One is All. Between worlds.
Oct 2021 · 612
Fresh Eyes
Chelsea Rae Oct 2021
Maybe we cry sometimes

to be able to see with fresh eyes.
Oct 2021 · 894
Tomorrow's Tomorrow
Chelsea Rae Oct 2021
You make Tomorrow sound so beautiful baby.

The way that the false promises
Fall right off your tongue
So gracefully
Like silver waters.

I love the ways we're always waiting,

Waiting on Tomorrow.
Procrastination with a lil bit of doubt and fear mixed in and voila! You have a life unlived.
Oct 2021 · 1.1k
End it All
Chelsea Rae Oct 2021
I scream inside a body

That feels it is not mine.

I scream in soul.

I scream in mind.

I beg and weep for suffering to end.

For clarity to strike me.

I feel I am on a strange planet I do not yet recognize,

in a foreign land,

in a struggling body.

End it.

Please, if you must,

End it ALL.
Just be done with it.
Oct 2021 · 690
Artists of the Gods
Chelsea Rae Oct 2021
See the deepest beauty in things

The simple minded never could.

Simple minds lead to shallow hearts.

Artists create

Just like God creates.

We are all artists within because we are One with the All.

If you don't see beauty, feel beauty,
You don't create or express, and if you don't create, you are seperated from the God Self within.

Express the Soul within
And show em your work of Art.
Where is the deep artist soul?
Oct 2021 · 1.6k
Stars that Shine
Chelsea Rae Oct 2021
Stars begin to doubt their shine

When surrounded by the blind.
Sep 2021 · 92
Cry it Out
Chelsea Rae Sep 2021
The cry it out method must have
Stemmed from God.

Because you know
They hear the wails
yet they do nothing.
Cry it Out Method
Chelsea Rae Sep 2021
I saw weeds peaking through cement cracks, and I thought,

"Thank god humans could never bury you, Mother Earth,
Even if we tried."

I gazed along the leaves and long vines stretching out for sun,
And my eyes landed on a small, pretty, yellow flower growing too.

I looked to the sun and smiled and back at the flower and saw
A fly had landed there, washing his paws.

And then I wondered if flies ever wish they were bees
and instead of living in ****, wish they made honey.
Sometimes I feel like a fly just tryin to be a Bee.
Aug 2021 · 1.0k
MY Light. Not Yours.
Chelsea Rae Aug 2021
They let themselves feed off my light
So that they could remain sustainable in their void.

Choke on the darkness.
Get your own magic bruh
Aug 2021 · 565
Kings of Pain
Chelsea Rae Aug 2021
You opened up my Pandora's box
And out sprang forth a geyser of forgotten traumas.

Years of hard work of disassociation,

You yell at me for not loving you better but I was loving you just fine before this and if I didn't then that's on you for never speaking up.

Your intimidation isn't my problem.

You yell and kick and scream
About abandonment
While I'm fighting off the demons
You activated for abandoning yourself and with that, your life.

You don't get to dictate how I handle the pain YOU opened up.

Idc about your half hearted attempts.

Admit that you're weak and you fell and you're knocked out and stop pretending to play confident king.

Delusional men who think they sit on a throne of truth but they sit upon half-truths, broken to pieces by your fractured perceptions.

Just admit it.

You are defeated and I refuse
to lie down and die in your coffin with you.
Toxic habits and cycles will end NOW.
Aug 2021 · 77
No Sense
Chelsea Rae Aug 2021
Humans aren't experienced with

The world sped up and shifted away from meaning.

They don't have time
To stop and think,

Let alone,
Stop and wonder.

They need things simple and quick,
To the point and definitive.

But I never was any of those things.

Anomalies stitched together with
deep complexities.

A walking contradiction
To all that is non-fiction.

I'm like ridin' waves,
Up n down.
Never staying the same.

I don't make sense, they say.

Is it because I can't make sense of me?
Aug 2021 · 893
Eyes That Can't See
Chelsea Rae Aug 2021
You always pointed out what I was not, instead of what I was.

Over-exaggerating what was bad, but never breathing a word of the good.

Focusing on all that I lack, with a mouth full of "Should's."

You never loved me, you loved the thought of what you could make me.

I am not clay for molding your vision of a masterpiece to make
me easier to look at, and lay claim to, boasting about saying,
"Look at what we've made."

I was already the Mona Lisa but all that could come out of your mouth was,

"Why oh why doesn't she smile?"
(I do not lack, you do. For always being something that you're not.)
Aug 2021 · 382
Chelsea Rae Aug 2021
If I had the ability to choose what I am,

I would like to be colors, light and sound.

To have consciousness swept around me and I spread out freely,

stretching into the atoms and melting into the particles of existence.
Sigh . . . <3
Aug 2021 · 269
Chelsea Rae Aug 2021
They wanted what was whole but couldn't have it all
So they took pieces instead.

And when they came back for another,
they came to realize there was nothing left.
Aug 2021 · 666
Hot Tears
Chelsea Rae Aug 2021
Such hot tears, that sizzle and evaporate
as they drip off the sides of hot cheeks.

Mist slowly rising off my shoulders,
out and off my head, and down my arms and legs.

Smokey fog swarming me from the humidity that begins to emit in the room from the heat.

Anger that boils blood
Now secreting through the skin
Through sweat and tears.

I clench my jaw, cemented shut, and squeeze my eyes tight.
Hoping to wring out all the pain and anger through the tear ducts.

Juice it to salty pulp.

Such hot tears pooled on top of burning cheeks.
Turning into hot springs.

One of the warmest things I have felt

In such a long time.
Jul 2021 · 78
The Unknown
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
I hear a lofty siren's song that often calls to me.

A voice that sings like fae in Spring.

A voice that sounds like Destiny.

Even though I hear it ring,
Somehow I know,
This goes beyond the sea.

To stars far away,
Other world's the human eyes may
Have never seen.

Angelic tones, calling home
My aching soul.

I take small shy footsteps,
Come what may.
Let's hope trying to be brave,
Leads the way.
Intuition, Trust, Unknown
Jul 2021 · 159
Skeleton King
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
I sometimes wonder if it was fated.

Maybe it is my job to be the evil one now.

Maybe we were meant to switch roles this way

And I was meant to experience this pain, this empty, this hatred

For everything for being nothing I ever wanted.

Lately I find myself stopping and wondering,

"Did you feel this way too? Behind closed doors and in your waking every day life, were you also consumed by this?
Have you wanted to be better but every day become
Jeckle and Hyde even though you didn't want to?
Did you experience the loneliness?
The distance? The fear? The panic?
The pure hell that is this existence?!"

Sometimes I really do wonder.
Sometimes I get curious enough to want to ask.
Sometimes I am really glad I can't ask when the moment sparks
because that means opening a whole new door,

Building a whole new bridge again
And DEAR GOD how it hurt growing up and watching the ones
I put so much work into get blown apart, repeatedly set ablaze by the dynamite you set off again and again and I just watched.
Like a child who just had their tower of blocks pushed over
I watched my bridge constantly decimated by fire, as each piece fell into the moat you built around your castle that you built around yourself to continue to waste away like the skeleton King you are
as you whisper your last breath, "You never really loved me."

Now look at you.
King of Nothing.

Who had a skeleton princess who swiped away her father's ashes from the gold laced throne and she took his place.
She dies waiting for her Prince that will never come
because she simply won't let down the draw bridge.
Jul 2021 · 106
Spacin' Out
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
Is it normal to have old dreams past slosh from side to side in your head?

A sea of old memories that were never real,

Yet you remember them sometimes better than the ones you collected from everyday reality.

Is it normal to have your mind somewhere in space?

Or possibly it fell out and down the drain instead,

Maybe it is sinking to the bottom of the ocean by now.

But seriously,

I don't know where I am.

Walking between worlds.

I feel so spacey.
Like I'm falling and there is nothing to hold onto.

Like there's a cannon ball
Rolling. . . side to side. . . and side to side in my head. . .

Is it all my thoughts that I could never make sense
now condensed?

Weighing me down further into the silent void.

The Emptiness, the stillness, the calm. . .

People talk of these things like they are comforting

But to me I feel like dry bones walking around,

Dead inside both in heart, and in head.
Jul 2021 · 147
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
Crack the sky open

And spill forth all that was hiding behind the curtain.

You will not hide the Truth from us much longer

and you will die trying

as we die fighting.

God always wins.
Jul 2021 · 558
Dark Fire
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
I twist the black smoky quartz crystal between my fingers,

Staring into the void of the darkness in it's shimmer,

Remembering how the stars predicted

That I would be, and am destructive.

I used to be the angelic who thought they could do no wrong.

Never fathoming dancing with the Devil.

Oh but not I, no longer.

Satan himself sees me at the ball and bows.

He knows to kiss my rings

Cause what a privilege it'd be to waltz with me.

Lilith my Mother, the one who will never bow.

I glide my tongue across my canine's

Only imagining the fangs of a lion.

I am a fallen angel, who painted her wings black.

I stare with blank deranged eyes, knowing I could disconnect

From whatever little soul I have left at a moment's notice

If it means ripping out throats to get what I want.

There is a fire roaring in my charcoal heart

And all I want is pure power.

More power, ferocious all consuming power.

But nay, not over the everyday people,

Only those who dare cut their eyes at me the wrong way,

the ones who question what I am capable of,

The ones who try to steal freedom,

and most importantly,

The ultimate power over myself completely.  

I stare at the crystal and throw my head back in a deep maniacal laugh, reverberating through my throat.

They have no idea who I am to become,

and really neither do I but one thing I do know is,

No one will be able to match my fire.
Muahahahaha! I will become better, stronger, and free.
Jul 2021 · 104
We Are
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
I want a man who remembers his Divinity.

In his full spirit, ready to create with me.

I want the woman who has remembered she is a Goddess.

Let me worship them in love and gratitude.

I want people who remember,

With Me,

Who we really are.

I already Am that I am,

Where are those who are?
Jul 2021 · 219
It's So Dry Here
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
How I long for a place of green.

Trees that give the freshest air.

Rain that washes away everything.

Cleansing the land, and cleansing me.

I am so tired of feeling dead inside

from seeing the dried out death all around me.

It feels like I can feel the land screaming.

Screaming like me for just a drop of water.

A drop of life.
Jul 2021 · 115
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
I wonder what it must be like to constantly
Degrade your garden,
Neglect your garden,
Give it just enough water to survive
Yet never enough nutrition to thrive,


Still have the ******* audacity to blame the ******* garden
For not producing enough for you.
Jul 2021 · 1.5k
Never Brave Enough
Chelsea Rae Jul 2021
It feels like my heart

Doesn't have much room to feel

That much of anything

Other than fear.
Jun 2021 · 204
Chelsea Rae Jun 2021
You will only ever get slivers of people

Until we learn how to mesh souls.
Jun 2021 · 88
Pride Kills
Chelsea Rae Jun 2021
I realized that day

that I would let love slip through my fingers

every time

before I ever swallowed the knot in my throat

and accepted my pride.

I would set the world on fire

and relish in the burn.

Even if the ashes only bring misery,

watching my painful fire consume everything in it's path

is somehow the only temporary relief you get

from your very small pathetic power trip.
I would watch you walk before I say I am trying.
Chelsea Rae Jun 2021
After speaking for so long to deaf ears,

You get sick of speaking at all.

After a while you scream and shout,

Hoping to split ear drums that you have pounded on for so long,

Hoping your words finally form the "correct" sentence,

But it never does

And you fall silent

No longer caring for being heard.
Anger only masks deep deep fuckn pain.
May 2021 · 133
Cut Off My Wings
Chelsea Rae May 2021
A soul purge so deep

That no one could be there to hold me in it.

A fire so englufing,
that if anyone had tried they'd have just been burned.
I lose control and only love the ones I have hurt.
How does that work?

The surrounding sounds muffle out as my chest caves in.
The kind of silence you endure as your surroundings completely disappear.

All you can feel is your chest pain burning like a thousand suns about to incinerate you alive.

You fight the urge to become a rage-induced animal
Because the pain is unbearable and no one gives a ****
and even if they do they CAN'T do anything about it.

I have to swallow it all and digest it.
I have to fight to not be overcome by it all.

But what do you do when you feel like your soul
is being filleted alive, soul stripped in all directions,
Bare, and ******* raw now..

The shedded lining burnt to a crisp in tatters across the floor around me and the pieces charred flying through the air.

Another phoenix stage of rising through the ashes
But where the **** does the sky take me?

I have been here before.

There is no where to go.

I give up.

I cut off my new wings.
******* God. I don't want to go down this road anymore.
Next page