Your eyes captivated me the first time we spoke
The fire in your words warmed me
You told me on our first date that I would break your heart
I couldn't decide whether or not that was true
We moved fast, and I fell for you unknowingly
As time went on your fire began to fade
You planted the seed of doubt in my heart
Now you can decide whether or not you choose to water it

I cannot connect
When i am in a room full of people i hide myself away in boxes
I was told once that we accept rhe love we think we deserve but i feel that i deserve solitude
I cannot escape the grasps of this all encompassing self loathing, and hatred, and pity
I know that I cannot love you until i learn to love myself
But no one ever told me how impossible that would be

In her arms you found something that you never saw in me
There are no words to say how I yearn for you, but in all honesty I always just wanted you to be happy
I never thought I was capable of love before I met you
But we were not star crossed lovers just two people who never should have met
I would have given you everything had you asked
so a small part of me is grateful that you didn't
Being with you was like life on fire
Everything I felt was nearly unbearable
You brought me to life in ways I'll never let you know
I'm so bitter when the sad truth is I drove you away
You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen
I wanted to keep you with me but I knew it wasn't right
I am glad that you are happy but I wish you were happy with me

I would like to think that I was more than just a one night stand
I like to pretend that when you think of me you want nothing more than just to hold my hand

To me you've always felt a little too much like home
But when I'm in your arms, you're mind is elsewhere and I still feel alone

I would give you the world if you could find solace in the touch of my skin
Instead of drunken nights, laced with the scent of impending regret and accidental sin

Waking up in your bed could have been so much more than just another mistake
But love isn't something you choose and how you feel is not my choice to make

I spent too much time looking at old photos
losing myself in places I used to be
seeing how beautiful I never believed I was
years I wasted hating someone so pure

I want to be that girl again
the one who woke up every day, despite the pain and smiled
smiled like she ******* meant it
though some days she didn't

I can hardly stand the reflection that taunts me now
the vacant eyed empty shell of someone worth knowing
I pretend I am still her but there is bitterness in my words
I can't look at her anymore

I'm taking down the mirrors

I will not write about the way we met
I cannot tell a story that has not reached it's ****** yet

I will not write about the way you make me feel
When words arrive on paper they are in the world to steal

I will not write about the way you changed my mind
When I had decided there was nothing left out there for me to find

I will not write about the way I'm falling far too fast
For when I say these things aloud they never seem to last

Please help me
I have never been so desperate
Set me free
My life's become so desolate

I don't know who to call
689 "friends" that never speak
There is no net to catch my fall
My life is so ******* bleak

It hurts too much to cry
I can't stand this anymore
I am giving up my will to try
I am emptied out to my very core

Please, please, help me.