I walk a lonely path
All on my own
Healing from my demons' wrath
Desperate and alone.
No end is in sight
No relief draws near
Hope has died in the dead of night
This road I walk is fear.
This path built on vows
Broken and unkept
Leaves me to ponder the whys and hows
Of every tear I have wept.
On this dark and painful road
That's brought me to the edge of despair
I walk lonely with my heavy load
Wandering through an endless nightmare.

We thought we were going somewhere
making progress,
but really the only place we were going
was our inevitable destruction.
The farther we go,
the more we destroy ourselves.
The more we know,
the closer we come to a destruction.
Driving forward,
Forward
Forward
Till we reach the end of the line
The end of the road
And then there's nothing
Nothing left to do
Nowhere left to go
This road has led us to the edge of the world
Where it collapses
Leaving us nowhere to run
Except to the edge
To our misery
And our destruction.

I'd give anything to read how an author describes me.
An author writes his characters as a wonder, a shining beacon of light, almost inhuman.
Really these characters - brave, smart, kind - are just like us.
Just like me.
So I want to know:
Am I brave?
Am I kind?
Am I smart?
Am I passive or active?
Am I intriguing or impressive?
Inspiring or insightful?
Amazing or attractive?
Strong or beautiful?
You know all these words.
You read all these words.
How an author writes his characters
With adjectives that seem inhumanly possible to describe anyone on this earth
Especially yourself.
But they could be used to describe you
And you just don't know it
That's why I'd give anything to read an author's description of me.
I need to know.
What adjectives paint the picture of me?

The beast inside me lies dormant.
At least for now.
Someday soon it will awaken
And I have no idea when, but it will somehow.

It might arouse me from sleep in the dead of night
Or it could attack when there’s nothing I can do.
But, regardless, it will live again
And I'll have no control when it breaks through.

I can try to fight it, as many times as it takes,
But it will always return stronger than before,
An incredible force against my small power.
For now, though, it sleeps silently, unable to roar.

I'm simply numb from its absence
Numb from the temporary quiet of this beast
But it will awake once more, and I'll lose myself again
When from its cage it is released.

Life is whipping around me
And changing everything I know
When the wind stops howling, all I see
Is wreckage from what was long ago.

Emotions are ripping through my mind
My common sense has gone
Sorry is the only word I can find
When I can't feel the urge to carry on

Who I will be when I awake
I can never really tell
Who I was before leaves an ache
Reminds me of how I fell.

Fell from grace, fell from light
Fell from everything good in the world
I've been swallowed by the dark of night
And that's how my life has unfurled.

Everything is changing
Now nothing is stable or clear
My life is completely rearranging
And my death feels very near.