What happened to my recall?
The damp grass that tickled my bare feet as a youngin
Now feel angry and sharp as actual blades slicing in
What happened to the wonderful?
The warm sand I loved to feel embrace each individual toe
Now grate my every individual nerve as I find there's nowhere it won't go
What happened to the whimsical?
I frolicked with grasshoppers
And blew dandelion wishes
Today I'm annoyed by those buggers
And stare resentment at the weeds through the window while washing dishes
What happened to the critical?
A breath of fresh air
Can hardly be had anywhere
And I wonder over and over again
"Is this supposed to happen?"
"What happened?"

©2024

What is this,
This twisting thing my face is doing
It feels so unnatural
My lips curling this way is disturbing
And they're doing it all on their own
What is this?
The corners seemingly defying me,
Lifting and contorting
I can't seem to stop it
People are reacting,
Though not retracting
What is this?
Ah, nevermind,
There it goes,
Quickly spoiling,
Back to all stale looking
Back to the real thing
Let's promise to never do that again
No more of this...
...ever

©2024

Would my last breath
Bring you more relief
Than grief?
With the sod replaced
And me underneath,
Would you feel like your life
Was returned by it's thief?
Would your heart
Match your belief?

...please respond...

©2024

There's no light
There's no end to this darkness
I still fight
But I no longer proclaim, "I got this"
Out of spite
I continue this meaningless process
In spite of
Just about every swing being a miss

©2024

You want to fight?
Alright
Let me get your gloves
And tie my hands behind my back
Because there's no point in a counter attack
You don't care
That's fact
Every word i say to you is just thin air
Arguing that all your low blows are fair
And your violence twords me?
It's all acceptable crazy
And my "FUUCK YOU!" retort is blasphemy
i have to accept your every issue
Acknowledge what you have and are currently going through
And for the most part i do
But when it comes to anything to do with me
All of a sudden you can't see
What happened to "we"?
Conveniently disappearing quickly
Replaced with a lowly "me"
This isn't a reality that i want to live anymore
So this time when i paddle out i'll sink the ore
There'll be no more attempts to return to shore

©2024

I stay silent
Too often my own words betray me entirely
I keep quiet
To eliminate any possibly of my past tracking me
Must calm the riot
Internal conflict in turn turns reality iffy
Must stay strategic
My mind gets creative trying to beat me down completely
Can't be complacent
Not while losing my footing on this plain of reality
There's no enjoyment
Living with a cranium teetering on the brink of insanity
Fear becomes a constant
So it never occurred to me these walls shouldn't be up permanently
I remain hesitant
When there's no certainty I can take down these walls safely

©2024

I've heard I can have anything,
Do anything,
Be anything,
If I'm willing to sacrifice everything
But here's the thing,
I have nothing to give
So nothing is what I'll be getting

©2024