red stains my mind
a color not of choice
but of forced persuasion

it seems that no matter
how much good is in my life
happiness is fleeting

i understand
if you want to leave
i would too

i am trying
trying to be better than the person
i used to be

i am trying
trying not to isolate myself
from everyone but him

i am trying
trying to include you with us
but you react negatively

i am trying
trying not to go back to who i was
but life is so much easier
with just one problem in your life

i am trying

quiet your breathing now
the night air leaks through the crack in my window
as common sense drips from the cracks in my mind
laughter and smiles all day
alone now
sadness as black as the night

Broken clouds leak endless rain
Summer has its own blues, I guess

When the sun returns and smiles upon the gray
You'll find me basking in the light

"I'm moving"
And in that moment
519 miles seemed
Distant yet impending

"I'm happy for you"
I wanted to tell him
How alone I felt
But I didn't

"It's only for school and job experience"
What happens when
You change your mind
And stay?

Please don't forget about me

a whisper breaks through the silence
either a dead friend's advice or a call for help
watch you get up and leave the room
i wish i could leave too

a pat on the back
"it gets better" they say
easy to say when you're not me

and i think back to the time
when you were in my bed
and we were one

then i think back to the other time
when i wished i was dead
and you were gone

i don't care about you anymore
like you never cared for me