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 Mar 2015 Ashley Nicole
B
Splinters
 Mar 2015 Ashley Nicole
B
Maybe he left
because he got
tired of plucking
splinters out of
his fingers every
time he touched
me because of
the fence I built
around my heart.*


B.S.
I saw her from a distance
observing quietly
unassuming and innocent.
Not a sound or
even a verbal cue.
A shadow amongst others
fading in the background
quiet and still.
All seeing, all knowing,
yet not seen or known.
She savored solitude, seclusion.
Gazing over, eyes lock.
A prompt stare at her feet.
Slyly, strategically, stealthily,
I make my move
through the mass,
an over populated room
of senseless chatter.
Drawing nearer to the
lovely, lone, lady leaning
against the brick wall,
the ways finally part.
Much to my chagrin,
she’s vanished without
even a faint whisper.
Until we meet again.
Good guys finish last
Because they put their ladies first.*

© 2015 J.S.P.
 Mar 2015 Ashley Nicole
A Watoot
Sometimes, it is so good to write an unsent letter.
I do this all the time just to create a release.  I have lots of unsent letters and I'm glad I never sent those things to people.  I've never been better.
I feel
the
depression
creeping
in as
I do
nothing
to
stop
it
It runs through my veins.
 Mar 2015 Ashley Nicole
Dreamer
I once had
my sweet little girl ask me...

Daddy?
          Yes dear?
Is the little man in the snow-globe, is he happy?

She looked up at me with bright blue eyes,
eyes so deep they were bottomless oceans.
I could stare into them forever.
I took my rough, calloused hands that were sanded with age,
into the gentle palm of her own.
"How could I ever tell her?" he thought
with a gaze so lovingly at her.  
Clutching the snow-globe ever so tightly,
she shook it twice so that light, beautiful snow-flakes
gush in all directions, inundating the glass city..
I smiled, and told my darling:
                                
                                     Don't worry sweetheart,
                           it is only trapped in a perfect world.

                                She didn't seem to understand.
Shallow breaths,
tight chest,
blurry vision,
No rest.
*******
by my thoughts:
make it stop...
‘give it all you’ve got.’
Head spinning,
hope dwindling.
Skin burning,
bones chilling.
Drowning in air
a sinking ship;
dying of thirst,
and I don’t get a drip.
Surrounded by an ocean
and I can’t see
anything.
I can’t hear
for the life of me.
This feeling
I swear
is killing 
me.

Whispering:
“give in
don’t get up
stay home
you’re not enough.
Even if there’s nothing wrong:
walk out the door
and harm
will come”
This ubiquitous feeling
draping
over me,
enveloping
everything,
wet,
and weighted...
bet you’ve never hated
someone so much
you’d stab them in the chest
and without a moments rest
grab them at the throat
so tight they can’t whisper a note
and leave them wondering
if they’ve even given their best
after their whole self feels negated.

**This hate,  
this punishment 
or something,
draped
over me
so viciously
is known as:
Anxiety.
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