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 Feb 2016 ailemA
Hannah Beth
fun
 Feb 2016 ailemA
Hannah Beth
fun
she was green eyes
and smooth thighs
his palms were rough
and his hair stood up

at the back, when i left
and went to my bed
from his
or hers
to mine
again

his and hers
hers and his
(no,
i'm not buying matching towels)

fluidity and focus
come side by side
in a darkened room and a heightened time

i like her kisses
and her hands
i like the truth in his eyes when he's sad

i'll be with her
or him or them

and i'll be with one or none or ten
when i say them, i mean the singular they
i do not mean threesomes
i am not that spicy
anyway
an ode to bisexuality and playin the field in general
i was feeling a little wild what can i say
 Feb 2016 ailemA
Hannah Beth
i find myself wishing i could write
like i used to
write hard hitting poems that leave aches in your bones

i can't
i'm happy. i'm somewhere else, and i'm happy.
i look at old writings and i do not see me
i see a girl who was struggling to live and to breathe

six months ago, i'd take it all back
i'd gather up my poems and i'd stuff them in the trash
six months ago, i'd want to forget
but now all i see is development

i do not recognize that version of myself
but now,
i know it is for the best
i know that without our past selves,
we'd be nowhere near our present

and i quite like her
i like her strength the best
i like that even when it's not needed
i know it's served her well
guyz i made it i'm happy
 Dec 2015 ailemA
Tim Buggy
Toys
 Dec 2015 ailemA
Tim Buggy
give me something you know I'll break,
tempt me with a toxic toy I'll tell myself to play with,
until it's sides are broken and bruised,
and you'll find me on the highest shelf,
dented, a disaster crying for a new devil to destroy me.
where did this come from?
 Nov 2015 ailemA
Thomas EG
The poems that I used to scribble
Were fickle, were fictional
I had no raw words to write
Until I fell in love with you

Until I fell in love with your dimples
Including the ones on your back
Until I fell in love with your heart
And how you fell in love with me

Your brown eyes
Your hands poking out
Of my oversized hoody
And your hand in my hand

Your small *******
How they felt in my hands
And in my mouth
How I felt when your ******* went hard

The way you felt in my mouth
When we would kiss each other
And our lips would not fully meet
But our tongues would still play

I would bite your sensitive lip
And you'd give out to me
Until I would kiss it better again
And you would kiss my neck

And my chest
And my stomach
And all over my thighs
Oh, how we teased each other

We would share our mints
Through kisses
We'd sent ***** texts
***** pictures

We were only fifteen
We had a lot of ***
And now I'm seventeen
And you are my ex

And I don't miss you
But I wonder about you
I wonder about your dad
I wonder about your wrists

I wonder about your lungs
I wonder about your music
I wonder about whether
You wonder about me or not

I feel your stare burning me
More often than not
But my anxiety forbids me
From checking if it is true

Your laugh is ******* adorable
But your muttering makes me want to
Throw a table at your face
Leaving it as raw as this poem
Eight months together, twenty months apart.
 Nov 2015 ailemA
Thomas EG
Body
 Nov 2015 ailemA
Thomas EG
It usually goes a little like this:
Intro, body, bridge, body, body, outro

The body is the most important part
Or at least so we think at first hearing

But personality and words are equal

And your melody is lyrically smooth
As your tempo bounces along my stave

And my vocal chords strum into crescendo

You are my ****** note

Ascending to my neck
Descending to my heart

I yearn to be someone's hand to hold

Someone's ostinato
To transfer into a lower key

If I could be your vibrato

Shake me, shake me, shake me
I love you

I rise up out of my seat
Out of my body

As I make my way towards the outro
And scream:

"YOU DIDN'T KEEP YOUR PROMISE!"

But kiss you, anyway
Because honesty was never your forté

And I love the words that escape your lips
And I love your body

**I love you
Another intoxicated poem :-)
 Nov 2015 ailemA
Thomas EG
Goodbye
 Nov 2015 ailemA
Thomas EG
I have to say goodbye to children I never even got to greet
And let go of somebody so dear before we'd got the chance to meet

I need to rethink all the decisions that I swore I would pursue
But, in doing so, I have to also close the door on birthing you

I don't know if I could ever gather the words to express my woe
Because my body will change and it will then refuse to let you grow

My heart will break and it will not return to its original self
And, although you'll certainly forgive me, I shall not forgive myself
(regarding my future hysterectomy)
 Nov 2015 ailemA
Thomas EG
Two Years
 Nov 2015 ailemA
Thomas EG
I am two years clean today
Two years sober, if you may
I don't understand how I got to this point
I don't want to quit, nor disappoint

I once dreamt of getting to seven
Or else failing and going to Heaven
Instead, I got to 3-6-5
Twice and I am still alive

Alas, I do admit that I miss it
And I do still wish to inflict it
Upon myself, upon my body
Yet I have no new scars upon me

I have achieved something great
It is something to celebrate
And I have been torn many times
But never in vertical lines
It's not my best, but I wanted to write something to mark this accomplishment.
 Nov 2015 ailemA
Thomas EG
Peppermint sigh
In the calm twilight
The moon yawns
And stretches, over the sea

Glowing, beyond the extent
Of vision, of knowing
Slowing, down now
Freezing, right where it is

One big mystery
Forever left unsolved
We get away with it
Time for Plan B

I clutch my chest
My heart beats quickly
Then hesitates before
Stopping abruptly

It's nauseating
Noise-consuming
Time-consuming
We are waterproof

Cheap bystanders
In the headlights
Not the headlines
If only vision were clearer

Closer, stronger
Hold on to me
Loosen your grip
On reality

Let go
I'll always be here, for you
Let's go
I'll always be yours, my dear
Composed: 09/07/15
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