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A Mar 2017
your 7 year old daughter asked me why you didn't just stop drinking if it made you so sick and it killed me to tell her that you couldn't no matter how hard you tried this was true
The tears I cried were not for you they were for them, your beautiful daughters you left behind because you loved the bottle so **** much
God I wish you could see what you did and feel terrible about yourself i wish I felt more sympathy for you
Last Christmas my aunt cried to me about you because she wanted to take the girls over to your apartment so you could spent time with them and when she called you were already drunk with no presents so she lied and told them you were out of town.
I know it's not your fault I just wish things happened differently, I wish we had someone to blame
A Mar 2017
"Like for a tbh and rate" was your status and I liked it at 10pm and you rated me a 8.5 and said I was funny so I deleted the post because an 8.5 isn't good enough for me because funny 8.5s aren't the kinda girls you date and not being the kind of girl you date KILLED me at 14

Jesus I thought being  called an 8.5 by you was the end of the world because everyone thought I was popular and pretty and I've never gotten less than a 10 for liking those stupid posts and to think that you didn't think I was as pretty as all the other guys did KILLED me at 14
Stupid stupid stupid silly girl
A Jan 2017
I hate you

I hate you for making me catch feelings

I hate you for telling me nice things

I hate you for making me think I was healing

I hate you for playing with my heart strings


I hate you for leaving so soon

I hate you for finding someone else so fast

I hate you for telling me I was your moon

I hate you for telling me to forget my past


*I hate you for making pinky promises

I hate you for showing me your favorite songs

I hate you for telling me to give more people chances

I hate you mostly for just stringing me along
You didn't even really matter that much to me
A Jan 2017
I've accepted that this is my life and this is my body and this is my broken heart and this is my future

I've accepted that this is my life and even though I've let 6 year old me down I can't keep trying to change things in my life and I need to keep going to not let 20 year old me down

I've accepted that this is my body and even though 6 year old me was touched and tortured and the past 14 years have been nothing but a chain of things I never knew were possible and a chain of feelings I never knew I could feel

I've accepted that this is my broken heart and even though it's hard to feel emotions these days, i have to keep going for that little girl who had big dreams and never knew that you could actually not like yourself

I've accepted that this is my future and it is in my hands
This makes me sound stronger than I actually am it's not as easy as it is to write
A Jan 2017
You consumed my thoughts, my words, my taste buds my goodness I even forgot how I smelled in my own skin without you next to me

I couldn't  fathom a life without you and your charming wit I couldn't handle the idea of waking up and you not touching me or not being next to me

Your words went through my ears so clearly I bet if I really tried I could remember everything you ever said to me

I remember when I fell off the roof of that cabin in my grandparents backyard when I was 8 and broke my wrist and my nose, i cried so hard that day. Maybe I was being dramatic, maybe I am being dramatic, the day you left me felt like a million broken wrists and a million broken noses I wouldn't wish it in my worst enemy
Look I know my life's not over but can't I feel sad for a a few weeks.... or years
  Oct 2016 A
Morgan
Good morning,
It's a beautiful day
to romanticize my own death

Good morning,
My brain is doing this
Brand new ****** up thing
And it's hardly 8 AM

I used to know how to float
Now I'm drowning

I used to know how to keep my distance
Now my feet are dangling over the edge

And I have this constant feeling in my stomach
Like I'm already falling

And I'd ask you to talk me down
But we haven't been talking

And I'd ask you to hold my hand
But you can't reach me
From where I've been hiding

I don't know
What it is
About this bed
That's begun to feel
Like a coffin

I drink coffee at night
And pills in the morning

I am tired
But not for a
Lack of sleeping

My dad has a doctorate degree
In civil law

I'm 22 and a freshman
With very little direction

I've been disappointed in myself for so long
But I haven't done much to change it

I thought maybe yoga
Would enlighten me
But I don't like the way
My body looks
When it bends

I thought maybe
A boy could save me
From feeling ugly
But he doesn't like they way
My body looks
When it bends

And he doesn't say it

He doesn't say much at all

But I could tell,

I was born intuitive

And I've been trying
Lately
To shake it

Cause everyone's thoughts
Are cold and painful

And I don't wanna see them
Anymore

I get paid
to bathe people,
to feed them,
to do their laundry,
And to make them smile,
But they still tell me
Right before they fall asleep
At night,
Right before I finally get
To leave them,
That I'm going to Hell
For the pictures in my skin
That I thought I needed
When I got them

I just wanna love something

I just wanna feel loved sometimes

There's a broken heart
on my right bicep
With a banner through it
That reads "myself"
And I'd say it's pretty honest

I've been breaking my own heart
Since I learned how to be
Introspective
When I was eight

I've been breaking my own heart

I just wanna be kind
To myself
And to the boy
Who holds me
And to the friends
Who call me
And to the family
Who supports me

I just wanna be kind
To my mind
And to my body

Show me how
To be decent

I'm so cruel
Anymore
A Sep 2016
I liked him from the start, but he was not my type
He wasn't like you, he had shorter hair and wore flannels and only one tattoo
He wasn't like you in the way that he was nice, he talked to me sweetly and touched me softly
He told me he loves when we lay there in the dark and all he sees is my black shiny eyes
A demon he called me
He wasn't wrong
I know I'm going to break his heart
And he's going to learn to hate my dark demon eyes
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