When you told me you loved me again
you were wearing the same shirt as
when you told me you just wanted to be friends and
I had to stare at the same buttons through the same tears
because I knew it couldn’t be true.

This was after we sat at the same table
where we celebrated a year of memories
after we threw them out only to recreate them now.
And I’m unaware if you had more or less to drink now
than the night you first told me you loved me.
All I know for sure is that you had the same tears in your eyes
as the time you called me wonderful as you call me amazing now.

Wonderful was only enough for the 39 days after you first said you loved me
and amazing was only enough for a suspended five days and I was right.

You asked me to stay knowing you were going to leave
and I should have known because you’re always the one to leave and I’m always the one to stay but as we both drive away from the place that birthed us I can’t be mad at it or
sad for what we lost because there is nothing to return to.
We over stayed our welcome, we wore out what we built by going in circles,
dancing with the same issues,
and orbiting around the same moon and me and you and her.

There’s the expression of beating a dead horse with a stick and we are the horse and the stick,
we were waves that kept hitting the same shore and
we’ve hung ourselves out to dry and
we are now an aftertaste in the back of my mouth.

I was pouring my heart out and all you could say was "Ok."

Subject

Shortly after our
first date I joked
Don’t make me write a poem about you.

It’s been a year and I laugh
because my poems
have become your home.

It’s been a year and
you’re kissing
someone else and
I’m just kissing people
who aren’t you.

Waking up next to you
for the last time
we knew it was and
we had to tell each other
not to cry so we could
kiss for the last time

When we broke
you said to me
I don’t want to be the subject of one of your poems.

But I warned you.

Love lifts you higher
Lets you soar on the wings of eagles
So high
You can reach out and kiss the sun
and pocket the moon
Me, I've always had a fear of flying
But I love the adrenaline

For the past eleven
days I’ve been waiting
for you
to get drunk.

So I could read
the words on
a screen that I
really needed to
hear from your mouth.

The night I knew
you were getting drinks
I waited up for
these texts from you:

I miss you.
I miss you so much.
I miss seeing you everyday.
I miss waking up next to you.
I can’t stand the idea of being away from you.

But all you said
the next time you saw me was:
I hope my texts didn’t wake you up.

They didn’t.

Down the street
I will meet
The girl that changed everything
Taught me to love
Hate
And reciprocate
We don't talk much anymore
Talking is such a bore

I like to think
She thinks
About that loser
But if she did
Then he wouldn't be
Behind this screen
Talking so clean

I know it's over
I know Clover
And we only hung out
When I was sober
I don't regret it
I'm actually glad
Because then i was
stupid, mean, and bad

This isn't making light
Or making sense
But making love
Wasn't a penance
Making me who i am
Is a million and one thanks

So thank you
Whatever you're doing
If you're moving
Or soothing
Someone else at night
Because, for a while,
You were my only light

                                                          ­                  With Love,
                                                           ­                                       **E.H.

She said, "I can't swim"
With a voice so confident
The ocean believes
They're still best friends.