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Sam Sep 2016
...a lot.
Not in a bad way,
Just to make people feel better.
To have people not worry.
Because everyone already has enough to think about.
Don't go adding me into that mess.
You don't need that.
*Nobody does.
Sam Oct 2016
Ahh for the cycles continue,
forever waiting for the end.
You never know whats really in you,
because you can no longer comprehend.

As you spin, the dizziness sets in.
You can no longer choose from right and wrong.
You force out a fake little grin,
to show everyone you are okay.

When in reality,
everything is spinning all around you,
and the only way to stop it,
is to jump off the wagon, and follow through.
Sam Sep 2016
I need some assistance to find my way,
though I don't know where my destination is.
I wish I understood what was going on,
I really don't.
Sometimes I'm fine,
Sometimes I'm super happy and free,
Other times?
Y'all don't want to know.
I'm exhausted,
I'm tired of those times.
Why can't it be over?
Here and not
there is no difference
Sam Oct 2016
I distract,
I move,
I find,
I come back.
I get pulled,
I get drawn.
Why?
Why can't I just stop?
I can't.
I'm afraid to...
I cringe at my own poems
Sam Oct 2016
Everybody has an intention, whether it turns good or bad

Intention.
Something we want to happen,
Something that is desired.

Reality.
What actually happens,
that we have no control over...

or so you think.

All the decisions made,
All the actions performed,
Make us in the position we are in now.

Reality.
Something we have unknown control over,
but happens due to the intentions we've created.

My intentions may turn your desired reality.
My intentions are not bad.

What shall reality bring?
Sam Oct 2016
I say I do,
But I never actually.
I say I'm through,
But am I really?
Sam Sep 2016
The love stretched out to two.
The entangled strings between us.
I let go of one, not to long ago.
The other, My mind was set to follow.
I clung, I hurt.
The confusion built up of the simple,
"He said, she said"
The one of whom I let go,
gave me valid advice:
To let go of the other.
I refused,
I clung, I hurt.
Finally, the message came through.
Written in the stars was the message.
Rain poured down as I told,
"This is the end, forever shes gone"
But instead I received nothing but sunshine.
I clung? No, I let go.
Im free.
Im free.

September 14, 2016
The final poem about these two. Starting my poetry journey online today September 14, 2016, when I have finally put two whom I loved dearly behind me.
Some Poems after this will have a date, these tell the story of my summer, my heartbreak, and my struggles.
Sam Oct 2016
I look all around
Other people are going through so much
my problems, my issues,
they are only minor,
they don't even matter.
Yet I accentuate them.
Like they are unstoppable,
but in reality,
all I have is a little anxiety.
These poems are and will be ****-I apologize now
Sam Oct 2016
What's going on?
Where everything should be?
Where everything actually is?
What should I be thinking?
How should I be acting?
Is anyone listening?
Does anyone actually know what is going on?
Please.
Inform me if you find out,
because I have no ******* clue.
Sam Oct 2016
I got the sign,
I understand now.
Another puzzle piece was placed on the table,
Though a piece was ripped out of my heart.
You don't know,
You will never know,
But I do.
im sorry for my dramaticness =_=
Sam Sep 2016
Im not jealous of you,
Im not jealous of her.
I dont like you like that anymore.
What I am jealous of, is what you both have.
You have a relationship.
Someone to hold you,
Someone to cuddle with,
Someone to give soft kisses to,
and Someone to be yourself around.
I'm over you,
just not over it.
#b
Sam Nov 2016
Confirmation is always hard.
Especially from those whom you trust.

I hate to admit the truth, I wanted so desperately to be  proven wrong.
Yet the evidence gives me a strong case

It hurts to know.
I just don't comprehend.

What did I do wrong?
That I was kicked out,
yet she got to stay?

Why did it stop me,
*but not her?
Sam Sep 2016
Où est-ce que je suis allée?
Je suis perdu.
Comment est-ce que je suis arrivée ici?
Je ne sais pas.
Qui va aide-moi?
*Ne personne.
Le français est horrible, je suis désolé.
Sam Mar 2017
Red swirls fill the paper
Marking up the canvas
that once held happy memories

Purple lines twist and turn
gliding along the stretch of cherry
hiding the past mistakes

Blue marks spot the rest
filling the empty patches of white
keeping the reality hidden

Black dots encircle the art
adding final touches to the strokes
and staying whole yet another day
Its almost been two months...
They said it would get easier the more time that passes, why does it still feel like I'm on day two rather than month two?
Apparently I'm doing a good job...why don't I feel okay then?
Sam Sep 2016
Would make things so much easier.
I could know what to wish for,
without me being broken in the end.
I could know who to follow,
So I wouldn't go anywhere I didn't want to.
I could know what to do,
In times like this when confusion sets in,
and I don't know if what i'm thinking,
Is correct.
I hate to make myself hopeful,
for things that won't come true.
But I can't shake it off.
I don't know,
I will never know,
*the truth
Yes probably, But not for sure
I dont know
wont someone please tell me

|*** is going on in my head|
Sam Mar 2017
It's funny to recall...
how people act,
how people think,
how people change...
People don't change, or rather, they learn.
Some people learn too often, and mold into an image that isn't their own,
Some people never learn, and that's just how they were raised,
Some people learn, but never use that knowledge to expand...
That knowledge is precious, more than any possession.
Sam Oct 2016
Tears fill my eyes as I read over the words again,
I don't know what to do now.

It has happened, I hurt all over.
I don't know what to think.

I never thought I'd see that word again,
I guess I was wrong.
Sam Dec 2016
No more tangled mess.
Gone are the many days of remorse.
Here lie the final words.

I'm done.
*Goodbye
More of a note-to-self than anything.
It's a gentle(ish) reminder to myself,
to do what i've been telling myself to do
for a long time now. It's time.
Sam Dec 2016
Hi, Hello.
I'm here.
I'm sorry, I left for a bit-
I had to resolve some things.
But, I promise, I'm back now,
for good.
Or..at least that's what I told myself,
the last time.
Nah, I do
I promise I'm back.
I'll stay here now.
Thank you for doing the same,
for me.
12-12-16
Sam Dec 2016
I'm sorry.
For everything I've done,
For everything that I may continue to do.
I don't mean to, it's just who I am,
My ignorant self,
I honestly don't know any better, otherwise,
I would've stopped by now.
I promise you, I am trying.
I'm trying so hard.
Please don't give up on me.
If I ever do anything wrong, tell me-
Otherwise I will live on in ignorance.
I am so, so deeply sorry.
*Please forgive me
For some reason, I really have been enjoying writing letters.
Sam Apr 2017
I'm fine
I'm really fine, definitely fine
Fine as fine could be
Never better! Not bad! I'm great,
I'm fabulous...I'm..fine....
im fine....
So I haven't done this-In forever honestly, but sorry for the spam-im extremely emotional and I have no idea why
Sam Nov 2016
Life is so fragile.
Even the act of silence can shatter it's very existence.

It wasn't me.
I didn't know her,
but I could have.

It makes me think-what if...

You were gone,
due to my ignorant self,
who hid your harm from the adults.

You were gone,
because I removed the glass,
that protected you from the 100 ft drop.

You were gone,
due to a simple night out,
that caused you to slip back to old habits.

You were gone,
because I wasn't there to help,
and talk you down from the edge.

You were gone,
due to my lack of knowledge,
and misunderstanding of the situation.

You were gone,
because of an accident,
that made you lose control.

What if you were gone

It could have been me picking up the phone,
giving a cheerful hello on the dreary day,
only to have my soul shatter, when the news was given.

It could have been me thinking of what I did wrong,
asking just to hear a voice, a whisper,
something acknowledging existence-Only to be given no answer.

Life is so fragile.
Why must we add to the cracks in the glass of another person's life?
Things happen that force you to reflect deeply and see the big picture.
>"You" is a call to more than one individual<

You out there->If you are reading this, Don't you ever become an angel before it's time, okay?
The ground needs you, the earth needs you, I need you <3.
Sam Dec 2016
To Play.
To be put to rest.
To Play again.

Brand New
Fresh out of the box
Played with often

A little older
Played with not so often
But often enough to forget

Gently Worn
Hidden amongst the toys
Watching the games commence

Old and Used
Dust collects at the bottom
Taken out to be played with,
*Put away to be forgotten
Sam Sep 2016
I'm done pretending to care.
I'm done being toyed with.
I was just a piece,
in the game of life.
one that was moved around,
Never realizing that I actually never mattered.
Things were decided for me,
I was twisted and turned to be someone,
someone that I didn't recognize.
Someone who was hopeless, who was afraid.
But now,
Things are going to change,
because I'm changing them.
I was moved before,
Now it's time for me to pick up my own piece,
and move on.  
*I'm done
Ignore the drama, and the angst.
Its all good, for now.
Sam Sep 2016
The little things open my eyes to reality.
The things I do,
The things others do.
Oh I finally see it alright,
First hand indeed.
I'm glad the truth is revealed.
If the situation were reversed,
I would've done things differently.
Just know
help is wanted,
help is given,
*help is taken away.
it's not you.
Sam Oct 2016
Why does everything fun,
everything I desire,
give me the worst anxiety?
Sam Oct 2016
Don't give me hope
When you know there is none.
I do that too much already,
I don't need anyone else telling me too.
Not sure if this really counts as a little thought lol
eh oh well
Sam Oct 2016
The thought puzzles me.
At first I thought it would be.
but because of the circumstances,
Would it actually?
Just thinking out loud
Sam Oct 2016
I'm just sitting here,
feeling the pain.
Nothing will ever be the same.

I don't know how,
to keep going strong,
when it will haunt me lifelong.

It's not my fault,
at least so they say,
but I'm still and never will be okay.
Sorry for all of the poems
Sam Oct 2016
To miss** is an understatement
I hate this
I hate myself
Sam Oct 2016
Travel,
Enjoy the moments.
*You don't know how long you have left with the people around you
Sam Dec 2016
Treasure the friendships you have,
know how precious they may be.
Prize possessions may not last forever,
if they are treated like costume jewelry.
Inspiration by something said in my last little paragraph-and that reminded me of this fact that was made awhile back.
Sam Nov 2016
Every move I make,
the shadow lurks in the distance.
The faster I walk,
the faster it follows.

I feel scolding hot passion,
the shadow's warmth surrounds my existence.
Filters of scarlet, ruby, and carmine penetrate my sight,
it's inside, it's taken over.

Possessive cover, my body goes numb,
the shadow's taking me away.
Through the crimson view, I see my feet, my hands,
they move in directions I have no control.


I'm walking towards the noise, the unforgettable noise. It screams. Branches fall, pushing it's wrath closer to my doom. I walk straight. I can't stop, I can't turn around. *I'm walking into a fire, nothing can save me at this point.
Sam Oct 2016
The feeling felt towards someone else,
Is the feeling I have for you.
Where does the cycle end?
Sam Nov 2016
Daffodils bloom a golden yellow,
between the rocks and trees.
Among the shadows, daisies lay,
waving in the soft warm breeze.
Sam Jan 2017
Those wood covered walls, water damaged floors, torn up carpets
hold memories.
That candy wrapper, that's been there for three years,
The office where deep conversations where held early into the morning
The old birch tree which friends and family gathered around
The hill on which children sleigh, speeding down almost to the road

Smoke fills the air with the roaring fireplace,
day in, day out.
until the departure day
the smoke clears, the memories are pushed aside
Bustling, Hustling to rush out

Rushing too fast to enjoy the last moments,
*moments you can never get back.
My family vacations every year at a home in Vermont. I've been going since I was born. My uncle recently decided to sell the place. My parents are also talking about selling the campsite on which ive grown up on every summer. So many memories are from these places. I know, things must change...but I hate change. Why do I have to grow up? I want to keep coming to Vermont, keep going to Faun Lake. The more I grow, the more I am forced to leave behind. I absolutely hate it.
Sam Nov 2016
Where has it gone?
Has it come back to your existence, your recollection?
Did your belief come back?

Oh, honey.
You underestimate my power, my abilities.
It has never left.

What do you mean?
You left it behind you so long ago?
You mean to tell me you've carried it all this way?*

My darling,
It was a burden, I carried for ages.
It stays with me always and forever
Sam Oct 2016
Its the same movement,
The results are different.

Beauty is created,
instead of the pain
Sam Apr 2017
+
Lyrics tell all truth,
For listen closely,
and you shall see.
Lyrics unfold the blinded,
Persuading what should,
and should not be.
+
Sam Oct 2016
The little fur ball,
The one who is always excited to see me.
Running, Barking, Playing.

My little brown eyes,
The one who snuggles up to me when I'm sad.
Cuddling, Snuggling, Petting.

My little woof woof,
The one who barks at literally everything, but still makes me laugh.
Jumping, Rolling, Woofing

My pride and joy,
The little ball of fluff that stole my heart five years ago,
with his little woofs,
his sweet little face.

Even though the little nut is so much to handle,
He will forever and always will be,
*my baby
Sam Sep 2017
look out your window
the stars twinkle in the darkness, shining over the quiet night
i love you more than there are stars in the sky
the grass begins to sway in the little "wooshes" of the wind
there must be at least a million little blades of grass out there
and i love you more than that
the colors of the trees begin to change, giving beautiful hues of red, gold and orange
i love you more than the amount of leaves that will fall this autumn
my everything
my world
i love you
Sam Nov 2016
Where does it go, when it leaves the mind of the beholder?
Travels away, a thought lost forever.
Floating in space, as though it were a lonely star.
A star's life is not eternal, they fade away.
They disappear from the night.
Leaving the southern sky,
just as the memory fades within you.
I wish people could read my mind...
Sam Nov 2016
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow...

Feet on the dash, windows down.
Waving a hand through the soft light
breeze.

And each road leads you where you wanna go...

Driving down the endless dirt roads,
feeling a feeling like no other.

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose...

Nobody for miles, No worries in sight.
Feeling Happy, Being Free.

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you...

Tall grass entends over the horizon.
The sun sets, revealing southern beauty.

And if one door opens to another door closed...

Sounds whirling high to the sky,
Hearts pouring out music from the soul

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window...

Listening to the instrument from God,
pouring out from the beauty within.

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile...

Laughter echoing between songs,
showing pride in their true colors.

But more than anything, more than anything...

Open Field, Open Mind,
Open Hearts.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to...

Truck in park, Headlights on.
Twirling in the light under the night sky.

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small...

Sparks fly as lightening bugs buzz by,
Illuminating the moment.

You never need to carry more than you can hold...

Dancing is the language of the soul,
spoken through steps and rhythm.

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to...

Words are not needed for times like this,
It has a speechless effect.

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too...

Falling alseep under the shimmering stars,
With warmth from the angels.

**Yeah, this, is my wish.
My Wish- Rascal Flatts
Sam Sep 2016
In the end, there is a new beginning.
A new beginning spreading far and wide.
Its scary to cross over into this new threshold,
Im scared.
Im nervous.
My heart races.
But I know I will be okay,...eventually.
I will be fine,...eventually.
Eventually.
I use it all the time,
What does it even mean?
When is Eventually?
The best healer is time,
but what if that time...never comes?
Sam Oct 2016
A promise is a promise.
Never forget.

Don't let the music fade.
Never forget.

Never forget the promise you made.
Stay Alive.
Sam Feb 2017
When I think of you,
It's different for awhile
It's crazy, I know
but all I do is smile.

You don't mean to,
I'm sure I'm overthinking.
How could someone like you,
Even think of sinking?

Sinking to the level of me,
The human I've become.
Yet apparently I am the one
who makes your heart drum.
Sam Apr 2017
I don't think people understand
Nobody does
No, I am not saying this in the typical teenager
Nobody understands me ahhh way
I just mean that, as the truth
Nobody understands what others are going through
The phrase I understand people take to a different level,
of believing that I've had this exact experience
When the truth is,
Nobody has had the exact same experience as anyone else
Why?
Because that's human nature, that's life
What bothers me more, is when people say
My experience is worse than yours
or
Oh that's bad, I'm sorry but this happened to me and this is why its worse than what you experienced
You have no idea what is going on in this persons head,
so how can you say that what you had happen is worse?
Even if you don't outright say this,
that's exactly the impression that it gives off
You don't have the right to say who's experience is worse
this person is hurting,
and trying to "one-up" their pain
is not going to ******* help
So if you go to say this
shut the **** up and sit the **** down
thanks.
Sam Sep 2016
What you deserve,
and what is received.
Two totally different ideas,
sometimes end up getting mixed up.
You deserve more than the hurt,
more than the pain.
You deserve joy.
You deserve freedom.
Let it be known,
Show what you need,
and you will get what is deserved.
Don't let people hurt you,
It will only get worse.
End it now,
You will receive joy, in the end.
most <3
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