Hymns upon the lips
of the teenagers living
their lives
in secret-
that's all you can hear
ringing
in the distance.

Prayers from the parents
hoping that perhaps
their little angel
isn't caught up in
all that teenagers do.

Too bad we know
the truth.

The straight A student
sneaking out at 3 am
or turning on his webcam
just for the satisfaction
of what he's able to do,

the perky girl
with the
"stable"
group of friends
going out,
getting high,
forgetting about tomorrow,

those that don't pick up every girl
still have a secret life
somewhere
deep inside

and all that is okay

to a certain point

because that's what we do.

I'm getting awfully tired
of being alone.

It's getting colder
and
I'm lonely
and I'm really
really
tired.

I'm tired of
being anxious
about everything

overthinking

being left out.

I guess I'm just too young
to know myself
and I'm tired
of that
too.

I'm also tired
of getting told
that although I'm special
I'm not quite
special
enough...

but I guess that's my fault.

I'm just so tired.

Sorry.

"Just this once"
okay,
that's fine.

I don't really know
what to say
though...

sorry I guess.

I didn't realize,
and things won't change
but sometimes
I need to think about
what I do

before

I do it.

What do you do
when you meet somebody
who has lightning in their eyes
and fire on their lips
waiting to burn
it
all
down?

What do you do
when you can't stop thinking about somebody
whose heart is filled
with the idea
that your existence
is
wrong?

What do you do
when you feel stupid
because maybe if you were born
in another time
or another place
you wouldn't be having
these
problems?

What do you do
when you're nervous to be you
in your own home
or around those you hold dear
because what if
they're disappointed
in
you?

What do you do
when the person
you want to please most
admits things
that break
your
heart?

What do you do
when you can't stop dreaming
and your heart can't stop longing
and your head can't stop spinning
and all you want
is just
peace
and
quiet

from all the tragedy in the world

all of the noise in your head

all of the fear and worry

and you just want

to rest?

How come, even though
I know it isn't wrong,
I still feel
guilty,
disgusting,
like I am doing something
very
wrong?

I'm trying so hard to sleep
to forget what I've done
because what if you were right?

What if my guilt
that I haven't placed yet
is God's punishment
for being
sinful?

I almost wish we never
had that conversation.
I was uncomfortable
and I didn't realize
what I was getting myself
into.

I don't blame you
for making me feel this way,
it is my own insecurity
that is making me wish
I never abandoned
religion
at
all.

Maybe if I was on
God's good side
again
I wouldn't be having this
dilemma.

It's been ages
and I feel dumb,
I know what I should do
but honestly I'm too scared
to do it.

So I'm going to lie here
and work up the courage
to pray,
because I'm tired
of feeling lost
and feeling
shame.

Can someone please tell me
why everything
has to be so
complicated
all
the
time?

Why we overthink those
bumps
in the dark,
we hear our names whispered
from every corner?

Why we think that something
can not,
should not be,
when it really wouldn't
be that bad
just to try
this once?

If you could just tell me
what would be so difficult
about giving it a try
just this once...

Let me hold you.

Let me kiss you
on the nose
and giggle softly
at your dumb jokes.

I'll hold your hands in mine
while we contemplate
the universe,
or anything you desire
because I just like talking with you.

Or we can just sit in silence,
staring at the sky
thinking to ourselves
"This can't get any more perfect."

And that will mean everything to us.

For no matter how many times
I look into your eyes,
or how stupid I feel
writing these poems,
there's one thing that won't change.

You really matter to me.

That sense of shame,
the feeling of exposure,
as if someone had just cut off all of
your hair-
it can plague you.

There may not be a reason
as to why it pulls you,
why it drags you
in its direction
but you know it's there
and you know
you shouldn't have
said a word.

Because now he can see it
in you.
He can use it and twist it
and turn you into something
you don't want to be,

so you set up filters.

Block him from ever seeing it
again.
How can he use something
he doesn't even know about
against you?

He doesn't use it on purpose,
but his subconscious
and his
worried side
may.

You want him to know you,
you and all your qualities-
your brightness,
your darkness,
and everything in between,

but you can't.

You know that if you do,
everything might change
and you only have so long.

You don't want it to change.

So you keep it down,
turn it off,
make him smile,
forget your words.

But it doesn't get rid
of anything forever.

Trust me,

you've tried.