We all leave things behind
Whether it's a handprint on a window.
The memory of a kiss on one's lips.
Or a memory.

Everyone's always around whether they're there or they're not.
They've left their handprint on me, on my heart and it will not fade away as easily as a mark on my window.
I hope it gets blown away by the wind.
Off the surface of earth itself.
Only a mere memory that will fade over time

And when I think it's gone, it reappears.
Colliding with me like a thousand volts of electricity.
There's nothing I can do to stop it.
I must let it course through me.
Touch every inch of my skin, glide every crevasse, fill every hole.
Till I can no longer speak.
Till it's pulling at my vocal cords preventing me from screaming.
Screaming everything I feel inside.
From the anger, to the sadness, to the loneliness.

I hear only gasps of air escape me.
Hoping that I am only swimming on a warm summer day and that I'll make it to the surface to take that long awaiting breath of air.
But I can't.
Because instead of swimming up, I am only getting pulled down.
Like a puppet being controlled by its master.
Only one can control the strings.

After a while, I look up towards the new hope awaiting me and wonder;
"Is it all worth it?"
"Will I end up in the same place?"
The same dark lonely hole that I've landed myself in?

They tell you there's so much to look forward to.
And I wonder for a second if it might be true.
But then I remember, I will never be in control of my fate.
Because I am a mere puppet attached to strings waiting for the show called Life to start.

An ugly cry they call it.

What is so ugly about something that brings such relief.
As if all your problems fly away for a certain time.

You are limitless,
You can feel everything you tell yourself not to.

Tears are the cleansing of ones heart,
The dusting of ones soul.

Without those drops of water,
Everything seems hard and cold.

Standing across a room,
Looking around to find you.

I see you, I feel you, I think too much about you.

But you are blind.
Blind to my looks and glances.

You seem me, you feel me, but you don't think too much about me.

Skin on skin.
Hot flashes of flesh.
Too much to think, too much to feel.

I didn't ask for this,
But it's too good to be true.

Touch,
Feel,
Look,
Grab,
Bite me.

You may leave your mark on me,
But I am not yours.

Because there is no us.
And there will never be...
An "us".

Trust is like the sun.
It's warm and beautiful.
But once it's broken.
It becomes as dark and cold as the night.

It is not something that you can say has been given.
But rather something that grows in your heart.
Like the blossom of a flower.

But you cannot love without grief.
You break a vase, you can glue it back together.
But it won't ever look or feel the same.

Skin as soft as silk,
All I think about is the brush of your silk against my bare lips.

So soft, so needed.
As if taking a long needed gulp of cold, fresh water.

Your silk only brings me warmth,
A warmth I've longed for my whole life,
Brushed deeply & simply against me.

Feelings of desperation and solitude,
Some for me but not for you.

Turn off my machine,
Make my heart stop beating.
I can no longer feel the blood run through my veins.
It aches, with the will to not live.

You've taken away the one sole purpose of my heart: to love, to live.
No hardship has ever been so difficult to achieve.
I've come so far, yet I feel so far behind.

All I want is for you to take a moment and say my name,
Call me by my name
But all I hear you whisper is hers.

We say love is a virtue.
We say love opens your life up to possibilities not known to you before.
We also say love is blind.

Love is a necessity,
Love is uncharacteristically pure,
Love shouldn't hurt,
Love should be nice,
Love shouldn't scream,
Love shouldn't hit,
Love shouldn't leave me.

Or maybe love should.

Love left dirt where there should have been a flower.
Love left me in the rain when I should have been basking in the sun.
Love took half of my heart and left me behind.

When love finally came back, I turned him away at the door.