The weight is heavy
When you have a heart
In a heartless world

She was only three
When she was first introduced to mean
She saw it in her daddy’s eyes
And she heard it in her mothers cries

She was only five
When she realized she didn’t want to be alive
Because of her life being deprived
Of the love she needed to survive

She was only ten
When she first picked up a pen
And wrote her pain out in her journal
Of the day you hurt her, again

She was only eleven
When her Grandma went to heaven
Her best friend and the sweetest love she’s known
The aftermath, it made her cold

She was only fourteen
And judging by her recklessness should have foreseen
She’d be laying in a hospital bed after being abandoned by friends
Cause the relationships only ever brought her to dead ends

She was only Eighteen
When she accepted her abnormality
Of liking the same gender as she
Knowing her family wouldn’t ever agree

She was only twenty-one
When she first realized she could truly have fun
But it only clouded her brain
Knocked her common sense down the drain

She was only twenty-three
When she was taught the opposite of being free
And the world brought her to her knees
And showed how devastating it could be

She was only twenty-six
When she lost all meaning to live
She cried almost every day
Wishing all her problems would go away

She was only twenty-eight
When she realized this was her fate
To grow and heal from who she was
And look how far she’s come

Shattered glass
Personalities masked
Normal on the outside
But her feelings contrast
Salt water tears
Familiar on her skin
From fighting a battle
She won’t ever win
Ripped t shirts
Bruised arms and knees
Constant reminders
Of what shouldn’t be
Beautifully broken
She smiles through the pain
One day there will be sunshine
After all this rain

Loving her was blue
Each day a different shade
Today feels more like the ocean
While yesterday had a tint of gray
My favorite is at her brightest
Although I’ll take her any way
No matter what her tone is
I still love her just the same

She dreams of a world
With cotton candy swirls
For skies
Bubble gum beaches
And hellos
Without the goodbyes

I don’t remember peace
Chaos has never left my side
Not ever a sense of release
Not ever a place to hide
Watching my joy decrease
As my age multiples
I can feel myself breathing
But am I truly alive

Emotionless
When we touch
Not a single feeling
Not even lust

Emotionless
When we speak
Nothing between us
That’s worth to keep

Emotionless
For the very first time
Empty, Deadweight
As you kiss inbetween my thighs

Emotionless
But I wish I loved you
Unfortunately though darling
That won’t ever be true

Will I die tired?
Or full of fear?
Will I be alone?
Or will loved ones be near?
Will I have reached my goals?
Fulfilled the desires of my soul?
Or will I grow old
With nothing to show
Will I leave without regrets?
Or be the one they forget?
Blame it on the cigarettes
Or maybe the alcohol
A recipe for a slow death
Will you be upset?
Shed a single tear?
Now that I’ve disappeared?
Whenever that may be
I just hope when I leave
You’ll follow me
Into eternity

On the outside I’m strong
Inside I’m fading
I say nothing’s wrong
While completely breaking
I laugh along
Like my heart isn’t aching
I don’t belong
In this world of faking

My girl is sweet but full of spice
Unapproachable cover
She embodies both fire and ice
Complicated yet worth it
She sends me out of my mind
She doesn’t want to commit
But I don’t mind wasting my time

I know you wish me the worst
Truly nothing more hurts

Because Darling
I loved you

Each time you fell apart
I’d be your glue

But once you were back together
I became whoever

And I deserve better

But I’ll still love you
Forever

I’d lay down and die for you
Take the stand and lie for you
Waste all my time for you
No mountain I wouldn’t climb for you

I wish I could take all your pain
Have it wash away with the rain
Roll you a jay, pour a glass of Cabernet
And fly us to a private get away
One where our worries are pushed aside
We’d laugh about non sense enjoying the ride
We’d have nothing to fear, no need to hide
Just joyful hearts and smiles stretched wide
I’d carry all the weight for you if I could
I know you feel trapped and misunderstood
Truthfully you deserve all things that are good
But this life doesn’t always go the way that it should
So lean on me when you don’t know what to do
I promise there’s nothing I wouldn’t endure for you
The journey in front of us is rough but it’s a wonderful view
Because after the storm, the sky goes back to being blue

Her love was like a song
But this one felt wrong
With a melody entirely out of tune
And a chorus filled with gloom

Her love was like a light
But this one didn’t shine bright
In fact at times not at all
She had too many barriers and walls

Her love some how was my favorite kind
Although it only messed with my mind
I would exaggerate all the great
While ignoring all that I would hate

Her love wasn’t complete
With everyone new she’d meet
She’d place her insecurities onto
So each one ended too soon

Her love was one I’ll miss
Since I still feel the imprints of her kiss
But unless she can love herself
I’ll have to find love in someone else

I wonder at times if you miss me
If you ever get the urge to kiss me
It seems that you’ve dismissed me
Or is that what you’re trying to convince me

Never have I known
Beauty such as your own
♥️

You cannot hide
What resides inside
Anger and pain
Resentment and shame
Placing all your blame
For your personal gain
But karma’s a *****
And she gets her way

Words to me are everything
But different in each persons view
The meaning behind what I say runs deep
I cannot say the same for you
You’re full of sweet nothings
Beautiful to hear but untrue
Didn’t anyone teach you growing up
That’s the one thing you should never do

Liar liar
You’re what I desire
Toxic to the soul
But flame to my fire

User user
My favorite abuser
Full of empty promises
And a professional seducer

She’s a ripped page from my journal
The song I always skip
It’s not that I don’t miss her
I’m just emotionally unequipped
She still visits me daily
But never in my dreams
Only in my nightmares
Where I awake in screams
Beautiful Brown eyed girl
With a devil’s snare
She has cruel intentions
But beauty beyond compare
I wish I could forget her
Her memory tortures me everyday
One second she was my everything
And the next she ran away

Soul as dark as the pits of hell
Hate flowing through your veins
Only the emotionally intuitive can tell
That you are mentally insane
The worst kind of damaged and broken
Addicted to causing pain
Going out and starting commotions
So no one forgets your name
There’s no loving someone like you
You’re nothing but **** in disguise
And even though he cannot see it
I have a wide third eye
I just like the good souls
See what I’m trying to imply
Thats why I never listen to what’s told
And always look inside

She just wants to be loved
She longs to be seen
She has a heart of gold
She often wears it on her sleeve
She tends to come off too strong
Like a cheap whiskey drink
She’s gone through too many friends
And collects them like her old cd’s
And on the days she’s feeling lonely
She revisits the memories
She’s lost the glimmer of hope
She once had in her teens
Sometimes she even has moments
Where she forgets how to breathe
She just wants to be loved
She longs to be seen
She craves a hand to hold
Because of how difficult life can be

You’re loveless
Yet I’m expected to love you

All these lows
With no where to go
Forcing me to grow
And accept the unknown

Fancy liquor and sugar coated lies
Expensive habits for materialistic highs
Darling, don’t you know there’s more to life than the things you buy
Darling, don’t you know your meaning can’t be found in supplies
She’s gucci all the way down to her socks
Chanel, Versace, anything designer she rocks
Spent her whole paycheck on a pair of givenchy shoes
But can’t pay her parking ticket that’s been overdue

So many messages
Just meaningless texts
She’s craving to be seen
She’s got 20 sent
And received
But not one that asked her how her day is
Or about any of her strange dreams
She wants to tell you about what happen 4pm that day
What video she watched, or her new favorite song to play
And she’s got so many messages in her phone always
But none asking if she’s even okay

Inhale you like a cigarette
Absorbing all your toxins
Later I’ll be full of regret
Running out of options
No better than a ******
Addicted to your lies
Spoon feed them to me
As my body slowly dies
There’s pleasure in the pain
I’ve never felt more alive
You’re dopamine to my brain
A true devil in disguise
A beast, untamed
Took me by surprise
Let them know I died ashamed
But at least I was by your side

She fell in love with Pennsylvania rain
New York lights
Colorado mountains from a plane
California in pictures
And New Jersey for more reasons than she could explain
No matter where this world takes her
In New Jersey a piece of her heart will always remain

Numb
And broken
Guard up
I’m coping
The pain
I’m ignoring
But it creeps in
It’s potent
It consumes me
I’m choking
My sanity
It’s stolen
I’ve lost faith
But still hoping
Can’t let the curtain
Close in

Hours felt like days
Sentences turned into stories
Finding comfort in each other’s sorrow
Allowing you into my territory

Felt something different
A feeling that was new
Should’ve known from the start
You were too good to be true

Some say I’m a hopeless romantic
So I didn’t want to accept the truth
That the person you showed me
Was someone other than you

Held onto what I knew
Until I pushed the truth out of you
Instead of a fairytale
The story of us was through

Short but heavy
Strangers but we knew
There in that moment
We were the perfect two

Pretending to be okay
Just to get through the day
However the tears filling my eyes
Reveal the truth buried inside
I’m devastated, alone, and afraid
But this is the bed I made
And although I’d rather die
This is something I need to survive