i remember
rainy days
spent gazing
out of cold
windows
we'd race
raindrops
with our
fingertips
breath misting
the glass
creating
swirling
inner worlds
of hidden
messages
and signs
we were young
enough then
to remember
how to sing the
melody of rain
and understand
its secret language
of ebb and flow
in an echo of time
ageless and pure
in its sincerity

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

You know that feeling?
When your're just waiting.
Waiting to get home, into your room,
close the door, fall into bed,
and just let everything out that you kept in all day.
That feeling of both relief and desperation.
Nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right either.
And you're tired.
Tired of everything, tired of nothing.
And you just want someone to
be there and tell you it's okay.
But no one is gonna be there.
And you know you have to be strong
for yourself, because no one can fix you.
But you're tired of waiting.
Tired of being strong.
And for once, you just want it to be easy.
To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.
But you know you won't be.
But you're still hoping.
And you're still wishing.
And you're still saying strong and fighting,
with tears in your eyes.
You're fighting.

Holy water cannot help you now
Thousand armies couldn't keep me out
I don't want your money
I don't want you crown
I've come to burn your kingdom down
And no river or lakes can put the fire out

What do I do with the burning in me?
Should i share it or burn alive?

Awaken every dragon
Awaken every wolf
I am hell with skin
Not a gentle human

There is something hiding behind my eyes and inside my soul
They should have checked the ashes
Of the woman they burned alive
Cause all it takes is a single wild ember
To bring a whole wildfire to life
We rise from ourselves, when the pain has dried us out
Cause there is nothing left in our hearts after the drought

War is not a game

I'm not the monster you think i am
I'm just the monster you wanted me to be
You can hate your demons
With all that you are
You can yell and scream
Curse them with all your heart
But at the end of the day
They're the only ones that see your scars
When you remove the mask that hides your face
They're the only ones that see who you really are

We are a new breed rising
With fire in our eyes
We don't fear anything cause we have already died
Molten eyes and a smile made for war

Oh so you want a battle i will give you a war
You will have to wade through blood
You will have to give everything up
But then you will be washed clean
Judge me if you want we are all going to die
I intend to, i deserve it

You want a fight, ill bring you the war
But take off the masks and let your monsters soar

So hush little baby don't say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It's just the beast under you bed
In your closet
In your head
Cause monsters don't sleep under your bed
They hid and they manifest inside your head

We all have our demons and skeletons hidden away
The war that is coming won't change our fate
We all will die, we all get a grave
There is nothing you can do to change your fate

Are you the hero or villain? There is no difference
We have been blurred grey till we can't tell the difference
A villain  is a victim who wasn't saved
A hero is haunted day by day

Everyone will always be a monster
There's no turning back
But what type is up to you

My thoughts are too dark
You'd suffocate in them
Stop hiding a part of yourself away like the moon
We will be revealed soon

I see you
I see through the mask you wear
I'm not fooled
So stop pretending you care

We both know
Your not who you say you are
The poison is slow
I can't believe you ever let it get this far

Stop lying to me cause i know the truth
They don't want you to speak
The demons that chase you
Let me show you the way
But, beware of the shadows that want you to stay

I can't pretend to know how you feel
So I won't but please know that I'm here
I don't want you to fall, but don't drag me down
Free yourself from this thrall
Or we'll both surely drown

Unveil your mask, break your chains
Open up your eyes
And you will soon see the enemy is bunkered
deep down inside

Tick tock tick tock

We are running out of time
The bombs about to blow
There is nowhere left to hide
Are you my friend or my foe?

I have stood by your side all these years
Exposed to your toxic radiation
Was it worth all the tears?
I'm done with this affiliation.

I ******* up...again
I always ***** up.
I can never do anything the way i want to
I am so angry at myself.

I hate these thoughts
I want to love myself
But i can't help but hate myself

These demons are always haunting my mind
I try to have good thoughts; positive thoughts
But like the pessimist i am, i think about the bad

Like a trick candle
when i think i have snuffed the demons out,
When i am starting to love myself again
They come back whispering unwanted thoughts
And then i spiral
And i think about all the faces that pity me

I am being too ******* myself, I know
And yet despite this
I still feel the lonely ache
As i wonder why success is always in front of me
But out of reach
Like a forbidden fruit I can never have.

I stare at the girl in front of me
The one trapped in the mirror
She stares back
She looks just like me
Well; not just like me
She has a worn face
And sad dull eyes
She tries to smile
But it's lifeless, tired
Her complexion is pale
Her lips dry
Tears leak down her face
But the rest of her is still
She wipes away the tears
Only to look at the moisture on her fingers
Its like she didn't even know she was crying
"What is wrong with me?" she asks
"I'm sick of crying" she says
Me too...Me too...
I feel something crawling down my face
Wipe my fingers across my cheeks
They come back wet
I'm crying?
I look back to the girl in front of me
Realization hits
It's me
This girl in the mirror.
She is me