I've got the urge
To cut up a storm
Create hurricanes on my legs
Tornados up my arms
While tears rain down
And thunder claps
As I huff out hot air
The only thing
Keeping me warm
Is my shaking
My shivering
While I lock myself in a tundra
Hoping to die somehow
Soon

You'd rather be alone
Than be with me
Sleep alone
Than sleep with me
Love yourself
Than be loved by me

I never thought I was all that bad
Sweet smile
Kind eyes
Even kinder heart
Wrapping you in warmth and love
Giving you space when you need it
But apparently
I'm your last choice
Being with me is the end of the road
And you chose a different path
One where I was nowhere to be found

You wanted to be alone
Wanted to be independent
Said I was too much, emotionally
But before,
You said you didn't mind having me around
Said you didn't mind my emotions
Told me you loved me
On a daily basis
So either something changed
Or you were lying
And I want to know
The truth

Why you would rather be alone
Than be with me

Picnics on the frozen beach
Getting buzzed on a bottle of warm rosé wine
Popping pimples before steamy showers
Falling asleep during the last episode of our show

I'm glad none of that meant anything to you
I'm glad you didn't want to try anymore
I'm glad none of it was worth salvaging
I'm glad I wasn't worth fighting for
I'm glad you'd rather be alone
Than smile and laugh with me

Road trips to bumfuck anywhere
Baking at all hours of the day
Sleeping in until past noon
*** until three am
Kisses every hour
Concerts in dive bars and sketchy auditoriums
Getting lost trying to find our way

I'm glad it was all just a waste
I'm glad you don't give two *****
I'm glad it was never worth it
I'm glad it was just ammo
Perfect for your gun
To shoot into my heart

I can see my breath
And for some reason
That frightens me
For some reason
I'm very frightened
By everything today
I'm frightened
By my own thoughts
By my own existence
Just by being alone
And I don't know
If that's normal
I don't know
If people understand
What that's like
To be afraid
Of the mind
You live in
To be afraid
Of the life
You were born in
But it's scary
And I don't like it
I don't like
Seeing my breath
I don't like
Seeing my veins
I don't like
Feeling my pulse
As I live my scared life
Because I'm truly frightened
By everything in my mind
And I don't know how to stop it
I don't know how to change it
I don't know what to do
And that scares me

We're both sweating
As the fan blows over
Our naked bodies
The air conditioner is broken
And we can't beat the heat
So we create our own

Passion between the sheets
"I love you so much"
You whisper in my ear
I close my eyes
To prevent the tears
But bring you closer
As we ******
And try to breathe
While I gasp,
"I love you too"

I hold your stomach
Hugging you tight
Kissing your belly button
Looking up into your eyes
You sit down and hold me
So I can bury my head
Into your stubbly, curly chest

"It's okay,"
"You can cry if you want to,"
You tell me
As I breathe heavily
Unsure of why
I'm even crying in the first place
You kiss my cheeks
After wiping away my tears
With your beautiful brown thumbs
I can't help but cry more
With every peck from your lips

You pour me sparkling cider
And kiss the raspberry apple bubbles
Off my lips
I try to stop crying
As I tell you
I love you
As I tell you
How important you are to me
But I'm drunk in love
And the tears keep falling
So you keep kissing them away
As you tell me it's okay to cry

We sit next to each other
In the mezzanine
Of the crowded theater
Our matching purple outfits
Far too dressy for the occasion
But who cares
We look **** good

You put your hand out
Palm up
And look at me
As I smile
My coy, giddy smile
And place my hand on top
Interlacing my fingers with yours

The lights dim
And the show starts
But you never let go of my hand
Even when it gets weird and clammy
You never pull away
Even when I snort into your shoulder
And wipe away my laughing tears
You still hold onto me
You gently stroke my arm
Your warm thumb
Against my smooth bicep
And I can't help but smile

I look over
And catch you staring
Which makes me blush
And get coy again
The mezzanine
The balcony
The floor
It all disappears
When I feel your touch
Your light touch
Just glide over my skin
I float to another dimension
When you lean over
And kiss my cheek
Only coming back
To the mezzanine
When I open my eyes

I wish you knew
What it felt like
To be abandoned
Just so you'd know
How much it means
To me
That you stay
Because no amount of tears
Hugs
Kisses
Or thank yous
Could ever sum up
How grateful I am
To have someone
Who doesn't get scared
When I get scared
No matter how often
I tell you
I love you
It'll never be enough
I'll never be able
To show you
Exactly what
My heart is feeling
Because you
Came into my life
And put my heart
Back together
You saw the scars
The blood
The tear stains
The piles of ****
And you put it back together
I didn't even have to ask
I'm glad
Nobody has ever hurt you
The way they've hurt me
I just wish
You could somehow understand
How much I've been hurt
To see how much
Your love
Means to me