Ballad of a Dream

I hear the rain on my window pane
And I see your love that's hiding all your pain
I'm not sure anymore
What it means to be alive
But I know in my heart
It means you by my side
Because you're my shooting star
And you shot right through my heart

I hear your laugh before all the strife
And I see your eyes, they bring me to life
I'm not sure anymore
Whether I'm in love or just a fool
Then again what's the difference
But I've been happier ever since

Why do birds not just fly away
It seemed so easy for you
Why do I even stay
In love, in pieces, over you
I have to wonder
Like nieve young boys do
Are you alone on that greener grass
Are you in love, in pieces, over me too

I smell your perfume in my head
And I see your smile when I'm in bed
I can't get over
What we had
And I know that you
You felt it too
We were young, and we were dumb
And ******, we were in love

Why do birds not just fly away
It seemed so easy for you
Why do I even stay
In love, in pieces, over you
I have to wonder
Like nieve young boys do
Are you alone on that greener grass
Are you in love, in pieces, over me too


I'll wake up in the middle of the night
And I'll fumble around for the light
I dream of her
It happens every night
Maybe one day
I'll figure out why
And who the girl is inside my head
And why she haunts my every dream
Maybe I'm lonely, and she's my raven
Begging me, guiding me, to sleep

Stand steadfast
Head held high
Even when you're low
Be a man

Poems of her
She feels upset
She feels she's not enough
Be a man

Don't show them
Don't tear up
Don't you hurt
Be a man

What of the nights
He stood alone
He sat and cried
Tired of being a man

You can't feel that
You can't show the pain
Work so she doesn't feel pain
What of the pain he feels

The late night thoughts
When he was tired
Tired of the pain
Fed up with the facade

He let his emotions overrun
He let the darkness in
The pain became him
But you'll never hear

Never read a poem
Or hear a song
About his pain
He has to be a man

So a man he was
Acted as instructed
Until one night
Well, at least he was a man until the end

Dreams caged inside your eyes
And love begging to be had
Since I looked at you I knew
That all I'd searched for was in you

Every little dreamed I've dreamed
Falls apart instantly
But everything I've had with you seems
Never ending

And I can't wait to fall asleep
Right next to you
I can't even open my eyes
From the fear that you may not be there

And I can't express
All of the things I feel and
I've never felt this way before
I can't tell you
Just how much I love you
I don't wanna drive you away
Take away the keys and make you stay
All that you are
Is every single thing I hope for in me
I'm nothing without you
I'm nothing without you

Every single dream that I've dreamed
Is in the way you smile at me
And every little thing that I feel
Is right there waiting to be seen

I'm high on your touch
And every single time I can't stop
Grinning ear to ear when you look at me
And I can't feel your love

When you're laying next to him
How can I trust
Anything that you say
How can I believe

Every single word that you say
Has no meaning to me
I can't see me
With someone like you

Cause every single word I said
Only seemed ricochet
Instead of making you fall for me
It worked the other way

I can't sleep a night without you
I can't dream a dream
You're always right there waiting
To ruin me again

And I can't express
All of the things I feel and
I've never felt this way before
I can't tell you
Just how much I love you
I don't wanna drive you away
Take away the keys and make you stay
All that you are
Is every single thing I hope for in me
I'm nothing without you
I'm nothing without you

I'm nothing without you
But I'm better off without you

How can something
I've refused to sing
Denied and sworn was fiction
Seem suddenly real to me

How can someone
Make me feel so undone
From my false reality
Despite everything I've done

How can it be
That the nighttime sings
When I'm alone inside my head
When will I finally see

It was you all along
Standing in front of me
It was you all along
The girl inside my dreams
How could I be so blind
To have wasted my time
Trying to forget these things
Cause all I've ever needed
Is the girl listening to this ballad

How could I
Have thought so highly
Been so naive
To think this wouldn't happen in time

How would I know
That you had stolen
My heart long before
And left, yea you left my love to grow

It was you all along
Standing in front of me
It was you all along
The girl inside my dreams
How could I be so blind
To have wasted my time
Trying to forget these things
Cause all I've ever needed
Is the girl listening to this ballad

You're the faceless girl
Who has haunted my world
My dreams came alive
Shining like your golden curls

You're the one I need
I need only succeed
In your eyes
Sing your ballad with me

It was you all along
Standing in front of me
It was you all along
The girl inside my dreams
How could I be so blind
To have wasted my time
Trying to forget these things
Cause all I've ever needed
Is the girl listening to this ballad

You're free and wild
Never gone out of style
Everytime I see you
I'm left standing beguiled

There is something I can't explain
A girl inside you, who can't be tamed
The girl I love, the girl I adore
You have the freedom engrained

I cannot break away
But I can face the day
But when the night comes
I don't know what to say

How am I supposed to be
What they need me to be
To be strong and brave
When I spent it all on you

I will not forget
Yet I do not regret
These memories I've kept
But I do regret the things I've left unsaid

It was you all along
Standing in front of me
It was you all along
The girl inside my dreams
How could I be so blind
To have wasted my time
Trying to forget these things
Cause all I've ever needed
Is the girl listening to this ballad
Listening to her ballad

I have a house, sure
But that is by where I'll be
Home is where the heart is, therefore
Follow my map, and my home you'll see

My home is mobile, against all odds
And follows with the wind
Over oceans and mountains abroad
With no zip code, so no postage send

My home is free, beautiful, and strong
With many secrets in the history
To find my home, I looked so long
So why I love my home, is no mystery

I cannot guide you with directions
But I can take you there
Follow me, no unnecessary questions
It will all make sense, I swear

Our first stop on my journey home
Starts in a schoolroom, not so long ago
This is when the seed was sewn
When everyone had what I wanted to know

Fast forward to a new room
Changes were happening, to quickly in me
The home to change me was coming soon
And I was lucky enough to see

One more stop, a couple days ago
When simple situation birthed a new me
And to my excitement, I found my home
We are so close, my home I can see

Here we are now, my home lies here
It is with her, and in her arms
And in my heart, I have no fear
My home is here, as is my heart

Walking down the street
I see things I never thought I'd see
The sun shining
The birds chirping in the trees

Three years ago today
I felt alone and in the way
I saw no other option
I couldn't stand another day

Now, sun shining down
Illuminating arms attacked and drowned
I realize that my life isn't for naught
Even if too often I still don a frown

Those nights I laid
Alone and afraid
Scared not of death, but of life and what I may do
Thinking of the things to myself I had said

So do not fear
Do not think of ending it here
You're a book, and this is simply the thickening plot
There's so much more still left to hear

Do not look to me though
In your time of fear and woe
I'm no example to be modeled after and loved
I'm simply a story, not a savior aglow

I know you know what I'm talking about
Why else would you read this awful stout
You know all too well of the poisonous thoughts
And too well you know the nightly bout

Anonymous I write to you
Why now I'm only in my bed, probably like you
It's at night before I sleep, when these things plague my mind
But I'm sure I don't have to explain that to you

A rock sits outside a wilting forest's edge
Holding it back from the rushing river
The banks held strong with the mighty rock
Keeping everything behind its hedge

The rock fought the river with all its might
To protect the forest from the rushing current
It stood tall for years and years to come
For it was the only defense in the night

But the rock was aging, and cracking as well
From the years of abuse by the currents might
The water crashed against it, day after day
As if it were under some evil spell

The forest knew not of the rock's position
It knew only a friend who was there when it needed
The rock would greet the forest every morning
But the forest knew not of the rock's opposition

The rock started to crumble and fall away
Little by little, night after night
The rock watched the forest with fear in its eyes
As it knew the forest needed to see another day

So the rock kept on standing
For as long as it could
To hold back the ravenous river
And each day became more demanding

But one day, the rock could not stand it anymore
The persistent river had beaten it too much
The rock's cracks were starting to spread
Yet the forest knew nothing of the rock's breaking core

A rock sits outside a thriving forest's sight
Much smaller now, broken, in pieces
The river rushes through, carving away
The bank of the forest, with all its might

I didn't tell you when I told you goodnight how much I miss you and how much I want you in my arms right now, about how much I want to feel your heartbeat on my chest. I can't bring myself to tell you how much you really matter to me, and how hopelessly, eternally, and deeply in love with you I am. I can't tell you that I don't just want you, but I need you. You're my favorite drug, and I'm an addict past the point of rehab. I didn't tell you that knowing you're not just down the road makes me feel so small and I didn't tell you how much I feel like I don't matter to you. I want to tell you all of this, but I want to hear that I matter. I want to know that you miss me, that you want to kiss me, and I want to hear these calming words from your beautiful heart. You never leave my mind. You're a grand distraction. I can't even take tests or watch tv without thinking of you. Get out of my head and please get in my arms. I miss you so much. Those are the things I left unsaid. That I didn't text you. All of that was compiled into a small goodnight, but you have no way of knowing what I really mean to say.

What does it say
When everything has fallen away
Like a sunset at the end of the day
And only one thing holds true

What does it mean
When the only sure thing
In life to be seen
Isn't even yours

What does it show
That my faith has been bestowed
On dreams and wishes alone
That aren't even mine to have

What does it say
That my whole life today
Is spent asking her to stay
When her heart belongs to another

Walls, painted purple and red
Closing off from society a black bed
Made up carefully and neatly with care
Looking inward, everything appears clear

The walls, covered with posters suggest
A young man, with nothing to confess
The monster energy banner hanging there
Shows a normal teen, one without care

The Xbox on the shelf, wires hidden away
The detail to cleanliness goes without say
Shown also by the kept up desk
No single paper rebelling, attempting to make a mess

Multiple chairs, all in range of the tv
Always thinking of others it would seem
But what lies beneath the elaborate ruse
Waiting to go off, with a short fuse

Open the drawer in the flawless desk
And see a pill bottle, hidden, unconfessed
Label ripped, with pen marks in place
"Emergency, the only escape"

Look under the papers, with 100 stamped
And find cigarettes, written on them, "******"
The slow, warm sensation held within
Slow form of suicide, it would be okay then

Open the closet now, overlook the clothing
The button ups, and suits all neatly hanging
But look above, to the shoeboxes stacked
And notice the box hidden in the back

The box says goodbye, with blood on the side
Throw off the lid, which has to be pried
The tape on the inside, rips away to reveal
A note folded neatly, with a staple to seal

Underneath, a razor, which shines in the light
New and unused, sharp, almost hurting by sight
But why is the box so heavy
Open the secret bottom, you'll see

There is money inside, hidden away
What is it for? Maybe the note would say
Open it carefully, not to rip it
Before you read, you may want to sit

"Dear mom and dad, I'm sorry I'm not
Not the son you want dad, I'm stronger in thought
I've never had brawn, but I've tried, I swear
I've dealt with the pain, but I can't, it's clear

And I'm sorry mom, that I'm not enough
School is so stressful, it's harder, it's tough
I've been top of my class, but that was my best
You want more from me, but I need to rest."

One could know these terrible truths if they look
If anyone cared to open his book
He's more than the synopsis, and the cover too
But it may be too late then, ending the story too soon