I try to defy my mental block,
I scrape my head,
becoming harsher on myself
as I force emotions to be penned
into words.
But all what comes is
incoherent, inadequate,
dots and strokes.

The words are fleeting,
they've lost their meaning.
Out of synch,
out of thought,
out of ink.

Writer's block,
is where I sink.

Sometimes I feel
I am no longer writing for myself,
but rather becoming more like an elf.
Working and writing for everyone,
but myself.

I feel the need to keep my followers
entertained consistently and constantly
out of the fear I may lose my audience.

I feel I lost the purpose of my writing,
finding myself writing to the others liking
rather than expressing the voice within me.

For, once writing felt like a destress
but now it seems more of a stress.

I find myself beating my mind,
scraping for ideas,
juicing what's left within me,
to be drained
just to post consistently.

It's important to remember
to put yourself first above others.
To express to your likings and authenticity.
To not lose one self in the muddle of others
demands, voices and likings.
To remember the reason,
why you initially started.

There are days,
when I feel emotionally overwhelmed
with negativity.
I start to notice the hesitancy
in people's voices,
I start reading and interpreting
between lines.
I start to notice all the
negative intricacies that can hurt me
and over analyze to have found myself
creating chaos within myself.

It is during those days,
do I feel drained that I don't
have the energy to positively
reinforce my own thoughts.

These are the days,
I need reassurance,
perspective change
from someone, other
than myself.

She was more than her skin color. She was more than her features. She was more than just her appearance. It was about her soul. It was about her pure heart. It was about her mind. It was about her passions. It was about the beauty of who she was and what she did. It wasn’t just about intimacy or appearance. It was about her moral beauty more than physical beauty. It was about exploring the depths that made her who she is. She’s the one you could explore the corners of your mind, the one you get lost with during deep and soul enriching talks. She was more than just her skin, she was the ocean. She was a Kalon –  beauty that is more than skin deep. And only the ones who who look beyond skin deep will see her for who she really is.

Sometimes,
I don't need your advices.
I don't need you to tell me
sunshine and rainbows.
I don't always need you
to tell me the positive side
and what's better.

Sometimes I just want you understand
my pain as it is - raw and painful.
I just need you to acknowledge my pain
for what it is
and let me feel it.

Because sometimes,
all I need is
an understanding heart
patient ear
and support to hold onto.

My feelings live on,
because of the memories.
I keep feeding them,
by constantly replaying it in my mind.
You are alive within me.
because of the fragments of memories
I made you from.
You are alive within me,
because I kept you unintentionally
and intentionally.

Sometimes, it gets to you,
no matter how hard you try not to care.
No matter,
how many times you deny it doesn't hurt.
No matter,
how many times you reiterate that it doesn't matter.
It hurts.
It hurts because it still matters,
and at times the thought of it mattering
hurts even more.
Sometimes all these things add on,
and you begin to break.
That's when you finally accept to yourself,
It hurts.