My heart was falling
But you were not there to catch.
For what I felt were
Heartaches instead of butterflies
Cries instead of a smile
All pain and suffering;
that is what unrequited love had.

Every fiber of cell yearned
Every nerve created sensation
Couldn't you feel the connection?

Blue is its tune
with no reciprocation.
A love so lonely
Everything so one sided
and oblivious to you.

Detached;
My strings have detached
Like the vowels and constants I speak detached.
I watch the world
Through eyes not of mine
And live in a body
Living a life that doesn’t feel mine.
My chest feels empty
And my tone sounds vacant.
I am floating
Further from conscious
With no one to ground me
Everything seems not to be mine
To feel to touch
No matter how much I try.
For it merely feels like mist
Through which I pass my hand through.

When I write
I let myself taste the expanding darkness
deflating my cells of its vibrancy.
I let myself be touched by those crawling hands embedded in my bones.
I hear my oozing heart’s echoing angst.
And watch as my thoughts turn bitter
and my shoulder starting to weigh me down
As the memories start to climb up my spine.

Now that I’ve written
How do I close those doors once more?

Unfortunately you are not for everyone. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone will love you regardless of what you do and how nice of a person you are. Not everyone will vibe with your energy and not everyone will understand and support you.

Even though it is a bitter pill to swallow at times don't let it make a turmoil of your emotion and deplete your energy. Because your time and energy is so much more precious than exhausting yourself by shapeshifting to pander to the whims of others, moulding yourself to fit in every where and hence retaining no shape to call your own.

Choose not to sacrifice your uniqueness to succumb buttering up their bread. To Be selective with your energy by politely waving them goodbye to stand by your values and lifestyles that most deeply resonate with you. Choose to take social risks regardless of the awkward glances and haughty whispers. Choose to not care of what others think to the point it stifles your ability to take risks and disrupt your social satisfaction.

For there is nothing more liberating than to not waste your life allowing the faultfinders to dictate your actions. To seek to align your actions with your heart. To stand up for something, to do and believe what brings  content regardless of it being disliked. It is beautifully candor being your authentic self.

In the midst of escaping
I no longer knew who I was.

I am losing myself
Everything is
crumbling
shattering
snd scattering.

Masks are coming off
Truth is coming to light.
Fake ones start to claim their identity
and people are leaving,
the ones I thought wouldn’t leave.

The light escapes me
and dull colors swift past me.

I have lost my care
I have lost my love
Lost my innocence
And lost my guilt.
Everything that made me, me
Is now gone.

So tell me,
is it me who you’re looking for?
Because that girl is breathing no more.

Oh my dear bumble bee
She said as she caressed
her soft honey colored hair.

Stay humble
through your flight so high.
Emerge with a special glee
Of bustling-buzzing excitement.

Let your golden stripped wings
Carry you to scope lands for enchantment.
To collect those dusty pollen
and transfigure them to honey
for you and others.

A honey comb of a heart
Resides in you my dear
So allow the honey to drip from your tongue.

And when science tries to prove
With their theories and mathematical proportions
that you can not fly high
Let them taste the sweetness
Of your hustle
and the sight of your flight.