The feeling of being replaceable is easily one of the ******* feelings in the world
You feel like your presence doesn't make an impact enough on a person that you can be so easily thrown out and replaced by a better person
You feel like if you leave you won't even leave a void and space where you once were
Maybe just a mark, a minimal trace but before they can feel that you're gone, someone new slips in
It's like trying to prove your worth and make someone realize how important you are so you keep a distance
But instead of longing for you, they replace you

I'm not some object you got at the store that you can replace when you're tired of me
I don't have a warranty, I have feelings
I don't want to be the girl who can easily slip through your fingers
Scratch that, I DO want to be the girl who can easily slip through your fingers but you choose to keep your fingers tightly packed because you know if you lose me you can't find another me among the 7 billion people in the world
I want you to know my worth
I know I have troubles seeing that myself
But I hope you see the light that shines through the cracks on my skin when I'm too sick of myself to look in the mirror
I hope you see the little hidden things and quirks of mine that I'm too blind to see
I hope you realize that no matter how many girls you talk to, time after time,
None of them can ever
Or will ever
Replace me

I’m a planet.

I, like them, feel surrounded.

Surrounded and Isolated.

How is that even possible?

I used to think being alone was hard.

Now I realize that I feel alone in a room full of people,

and that’s even harder.

I worry my planet is missing something.

Missing the will to keep moving.

But I know that I must, for I am a planet that will not burn out.

(-DF-03/04/16-)

i only feel alive in the subway.
it is the only place
(speeding, busy, noisy, beautiful in all its glory)
i feel some tinge of hope -
hopes that somehow
we could forget all that had happened
when we fell in love as most people do.
perhaps,
in some station, on any line,
you would happen to walk inside the train
and sit across me
and then we could fall in love again
the way strangers on trains do
fleeting, but at least painless.

i lost you too easily
to space dust dreams and cosmic clouds of nebulae.
knowing you, you would have willingly dissolved yourself
to beautiful phenomena such as these

ever since i woke up to the stars igniting brighter than normal
and your body disappearing from the other side of the bed,
i packed my bags to traverse every swirling galaxy within reach
in the pursuit of finding you

perhaps that is why you decided to leave planet Earth;
you have always been itching to join the stars
you never felt settled in your skin, in the matter that made you
and you wanted to be something more.

i do not know how long i will keep searching for you amongst cosmos
and i have seen my fair share of comets and dark matter,
but whatever universe you are in may never come in sight -
at least the stars seem brighter with you now

Loops feel cursed to me,
I've been living in them for God knows how many weeks,
I'd do anything to break the pattern,
anything to make them scatter,
I've been picking the scab on my chin for an hour,
You won't read my texts anymore,

Everything I eat,
no matter how sweet,
tastes sour,
Probably a side effect again,
Isn't it always in the end?
Just a side effect again.

I've been spelling words inside my head,
It makes me feel crazy but the patterns will save me,
Just make this all stop please,
I'm tired of this repetitive clicking,
It's really really itching,
I can't breathe

It's just the side effects again
They always say it is in the end.

It was the lullaby that closes my eyes
Before the kiss of goodnight,
I dream of eternity for you and me,
For in reality, we sway with ease

Were holding hands watching the sunrise
Kissing till the morning light
No need to look up at the sky
You're an answered prayer from above

You are the shadow to my light
The map that leads me to right
Whenever i'm lost to this road that is never ending,
You are always there to lead

We talk about the deepest part of ourselves
Confessing every dark corners of our mind
We laugh about the people that broke our hearts
The jokes are on them, who made us this way

We were in good harmony
Nothing can take away this joy in our heart
The never ending smile on our faces,
The satisfaction and the promised for our future

But all of these are just fantasies
I can wait for all of these things,
It's not really a necessity to love someone to live a life
It's just romance, everyone can have that

An easy way to have temporary happiness,
Knowing we'll get hurt at the end
I know it's going to arrive soon
Because i can wait

I think I've met all kinds of women in the world
Except for the one that i actually want
I'm still left alone wishing for your love
Because i can wait

But in all honesty
I'm tired of waiting, tired of pretending that i don't want to play this love game,too tired of asking "when?"
I want to smile, hold hands, laugh, love and get hurt

I wanted this more than anything in this world
To love and to be loved right now
I got nothing left to do but look up at the sky
Close my eyes and feel the love that i never had