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  Mar 2018 Raf Reyes
idk
I stopped writing.
Not because I fell out of love with it...
My emotions just seemed to disappear.

I started a new medication.
The doctor said it would help my panic disorder, and it did.
I took that pill, like my mother talks to God (every morning).

When I went back to the doctor she said we had to up the dosage because apparently having 2 panic attacks a week still isn't okay.
I told her that when I woke up this morning I got out of bed without crying, but she didn't consider that as much of a victory as I did.

When I was put on a higher dosage, my emotions shut down.
After a few weeks I stopped crying, my OCD got better, my panic attacks were gone, and I could even go into the student union of my college campus without my heart trying to win a race against my thoughts.

I could breathe.

But, I also stopped having fun.
I felt like a stranger in my own body.
My emotions found the exit on the plane and jumped, never to be found again.

Since when did being able to breathe require me to feel like this?
Raf Reyes Mar 2018
Natuyo na ang kaalatang pumapalibot sa kanyang mga mata

Ilang papel na ang nasira sa pagtulo ng mga basang kalungkutan sa mga salitang pinagsikapang idikta't ibuga
Umaasang, balang araw
Ang sakit na kinikimkim ay tuluyan ding
maiibsan

Ngunit

Lumipas ang mga buwan, humina ang katawan
Nagkulong sa loob ng sariling kasakiman't kadiliman sa takot na muling masaktan.

Pero tama na.

Sa wakas, dumating na ang realisasyong matagal nang inaasahan: Nakakasawa nang magtiis matulog sa mga basang unan.

Panahon na para ito’y labhan.
I've been trying to write more poems in my native tongue. Lately, I've been falling in love with its rythmic flow. I hope that the people who got so used to my english poems can appreciate this new direction.
Raf Reyes May 2017
As a writer

I dredge up the problems I've buried so long ago
And mold them into stanzas

I trace the scars on this ungodly body
And etch them into my words

I let my tears fall on dull paper
And leave the salt water current to carry my pieces

Because everyday
As a writer
I am slowly learning that my dark times
Are also stories worth sharing
my process of writing/ process of moving forward
  Jan 2017 Raf Reyes
tamia
i spent my childhood
with a conch shell in hand,
i'd be near the sea
even on land

for when i'd press
it to my ear
i'd hear the ocean
loud and clear

and that's when i realised:
i could have the world in my hands
if i believed enough
i could get to distant lands
  Nov 2016 Raf Reyes
tamia
i'll leave
                        pieces of
                                                           my
love                                                                               everywhere
                                                                ­                                                    like
                                                            peta­ls
            in                                                  ­                the                 wind
                            and                    i        ­                                                         hope
you              find                                        the­m                        and                
                  kn­ow                                   i                   wait                        
                                                    for you.
my first shape poetry here!

for hvc
  Nov 2016 Raf Reyes
Gwen Pimentel
Darling,
On those nights you feel lonely
Days you feel gloomy
When it feels like the universe
Is conspiring against you
Remember

I
am
here

(And, no, the universe isn't conspiring against you)
someone tell me this right now please
Raf Reyes Nov 2016
My grandmother longed to be like you
Silver, grey
But useful
I miss my grandmothers retorts about everything. God bless her soul
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