Stuck between going through,
and going back;
stuck holding somebody else,
and wishing to hold his.
Wanting to love them again,
and wanting to be loved by
someone new;
it's a battle between meddling with
the past
or fighting for the future.

Barefooted, ragged, with neglected hair, she was a thin slip of a girl, like a new moon
Head hung like a dying flower
She gave herself with open palms
Yet every sorrow and distress found her like flourishing weeds
There was no one I admired and hated more
The way they peeled her to the core
And she revealed she had more seeds to grow
Never was she afraid to show
The unchanging depths of her heart
Worth its weight in gold

I did something wrong
this day, last fall
The October wind took my breath away
I did something *****
this night, last fall
The autumn leaves swept my confidence away
The flickering memories still disturb my somber sleep from time to time

I did something brave
this spring, 6 months ago
March carved out the pieces I let cement in the cold
I did something bold
this spring, 6 months ago
I got up and left, chains still digging at my ankles


But I left,
I did a lot of things wrong,
I have the scars to prove how hard I held on.
But I left,
I did something right.

They say suicide takes us to hell;
Well, I guess I'll be ******
'Cause your presence is fatal
And I am not going anywhere*

-fir.m

For all the saddest words of tongue and pen,
the saddest is almost.

She almost left her agony of defeat.
She almost broke her walls.
She almost laid down her cards.
She almost found home.
She almost said yes.
They were almost there.

Tonight, she's almost sober.
The moon; the unparralleled witness
of what could have been a radiant tale of amour.
But like almost lovers,
he will forget the color of her eyes
and she will forget his.

a couple months ago, i was okay
a couple months ago, i was poking a skateboard into my thigh
a couple months ago, i found myself in your arms, hoping you'd never let go
a couple months ago, you'd lie to your dad so you could spend the night
a couple months ago, we were in love

but now, i'm not okay
now, i'm leaving art class to cry in the bathroom
now, i'm chainsmoking marlboros, even though i know you hated when i smoked
now, i'm wandering downtown wishing i'd bump into you
now, i don't know if i can handle myself without you
now, it's not okay
but now, i'm still in love

Does it so much matter
Who we are
As it matters that we are.
That we are at all,
Anything at all??
For I am content,
With a blind existence,
As long as I can see you
Existing along side me.
In darkness I know
Not what we are,
But I feel you breathe beside me,
And that alone fills me up.