how wonderful
would it be
to be able to skin myself alive
to drop the weary leather that holds my bones together
and miss a few days, months
years
in the span of a night

i hate this
tumult of emotion
this primordial cordial of something and maybe and
never and could be.
it is dark 
chocolate
bittersweet and sour as it pools on my tongue and slithers down down into my throat and lodges there
solidified into a churning mass of
it will never be the same and regret and guilty
relief.
A single loss of
gilt jewel 
and a single loose word spilled 
from a mouth and
a cog is thrown 
out of orbit and into
the dissonance that it has caused.
a decision made
logically but painfully
with a wound that thuds slowly, knock knock knock
against my chest
not acute, no
more like 
a bruise 
a reminder that i am not as
mournful as i
should be
and that change, that hated, cursed change, 
has occurred.

The summer rains
Bring nothing to me
but a content
melancholy.
I sit and gaze
Upon them, unfazed
and wonder what to think.

Today it rains
Just like yesterday and
I can't hear the rainfall
Through the closed windows
But I'll gaze through them
and wonder what
the fog might feel like
as it ghosts through my fingertips.

i have an exit plan.
hush
it's for emergencies only
I'll never use it
who knows?
but I'll keep it there
gently now-
a building shy of too short
a secret resting low in my pocket
a couple of pastilles bright
in the palm of my too-steady hand

the departure may be too sudden-
barely a breeze and a sigh before I leave-
but I rest assured that my mind's ensured
by the choice
the exit
my desired desire path

for if it's ever just too much
and tired becomes too weary to smile
i know I'll have the choice
to take a little time
and sit in front of my exit for a while

i don't think anybody sees it in my eyes
it's probably why all those others will cry
but I'll be safe and sound-
Yes, but it all comes 'round!
and im not that selfish of a guy

so I'll cradle my exit to my chest
ill grit my well worn teeth and do my best
ill struggle through
and ill trudge through the rest
and ill smile, smile, smile, and laugh
with hateful pleasantries and pleasant hate
a bright new day to exacerbate
the itch of joy and the soreness of pain
and once in a while
the heavy rain

and when my fingers slip
from the weight of it all
I'll keep smiling
I'll keep laughing
I know that there's an exit,

after all.

dull treacle melting against the pavement
cicadas hissing in the heat
an occasional breeze is a ragtag flag
fluttering before going still

syrup sitting warm and heavy on your tongue
soda fizzing flat and falling sharp
a sour note to end
a miserable heat to begin the day

hot humidity pressing down
wind humming in protest
sweat dripping slick and tacky
eyes slipping slowly closed

until
the heat
ends

blooming
like wet ink
across the sheets-
it spread
like a sigh:
slowly

These words; they
tumble down into
strings and strings of spaghetti
and loop over here and there

They run around
and run amok
and
I see them everywhere

The playground is getting dark
It's almost time to go
But finally I smile and lean my head back
And then I go and swing some more

I dangle from my neck
Swinging to and fro
Isn't this playground lovely?
I laugh and swing myself some more

I tighten the rope a little
There's still a short while to go
But better safe than happy
So off the shaky seat I go
Swinging to and fro

I hang from my rope
There's nothing left at all
There's a smile on my face
As you watch me
Swinging to and fro

Those things look exactly the same
as everything else
Yet they seem to shine with an internal luster and a
glow that exceeds apathy

Those lips don't speak words of following
they speak words from the heart
This envy does rise up like the tide
I wish I don't play the part

Skipping stones skip and shout
Across the surface of a water that I'd rather not see
I turn my head away from the rest
In order to fit my second best
Into the gaping cracks left over in empty cartons and clanging bottles

Hear me call, dear oak
Mahogany heart
Let the light linger, yes please,
do
In the fading evergreen spirit and the glows of the birches
Humble me through the susurration of dusk

May we dance in the firelight
And sway in the breeze
Set aglow with you
Amongst the midsummer trees

May these flights of fancy
Become long voyages borne
On the wings of dark angels
Blowing on gilded horn

And when the winter breeze
Creaks open our doors
May the grinning hearth
Warm our hearts to their cores

Watch them all; so merry, so bright
So filled with such wonderful light
Envious of those who carry their souls
In gilded mesh cages of lanterns aflight

Listen as the telltale ravings
Of men and women alike
Take flight and flare like midsummer suns
Amongst the chirps of a hunting shrike

And while the swirling storms batter our doors
Tear apart these terrible floors
So when the daily visitors arrive
It will be through pain that they shall thrive

A sonnet for the hopeful
where true love never dies
A sonnet for the truthful
where hatred never lies

A ballad for the beautiful
wherein sadness never cries
A ballad for the sorrowful
wherein happiness is full of sighs

An elegy for the successful
whenever they deign to speak
An elegy for the deceitful
whenever they choose to sneak

An anthem for the bountiful
whatever they may claim
An anthem for the dutiful
whatever they may maim

A symphony for the resentful
whoever they may see
A symphony for the respectful
whoever they may be

why don't we slow down and watch the tempest
whirling so bright
the shattering of refrains
and the dimming of light

let's leap together through the beat of the drums
and tap our feet in merry dance
as we tumble and laugh
may we ourselves stumble upon a chance

as the fallen don't rise
and the risen begin to fall
let's sway together in step
at the haunted dinner ball

while the wind stirs the silent rushes
and the weeds sway from side to side
watch the ends of the reeds dip into the water
rustling slowly as they hide

listen to the tune of the grasses
swaying slowly to the beat
bending down over backwards
to make way for our feet

why don't we slow down our pace
watch the sky fly by
after all, it's never to late
to change our weary fate

You* would have to smash their skull open
Gouge their brain out
Scatter it into pieces
Reach out, reach in
Climb into their skin
Wear it; take it
Breathe the air they breathe

Feel the blood coursing through their veins
Feel every beat of their heart
Reach through their ribs and grasp it
That thundering, pounding heart and
Make it beat with your own hands
Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump with every squeeze

Inhale every gasping, shuddering breath
From lungs crushed by every compress
Snap their wrist with the force of your grasp
As you take their pulse
That thrumming, faltering pulse
And make it your own

You would have to dive into their head
Step straight through delirium
Into the twin windows of their soul
Take those lovely, lovely eyes
Between your fingers
And hold them up to look through; each
The ultimate magnifying glass
Pierce their clarity straight through
As you refract the light away from you

Aqueous humor, vitreous humor
Flowing down a waterfall of tears
Tears of emotion? No
Tears running through flesh
Perfect fissures of imperfection

Can you hear it?
Thudding spasms
As they leap; a drowning fish
Choking on their own life
While the red crimson scarlet pours out in rivulets
So thick you could wade in it
Fanning out into a surreal image
A ****** halo
A renaissance painting reimagined in flesh
A living, dying mural

You would have to listen to every whisper
Each shaky inhale
Every wheezing, hoarse exclamation
Every shuddering gasp wracking
Their frail, jittering frame
As you pump air out
As you force air back in
Push down hard and feel; memorise
The rush of air as it leaves their straining lungs

Because then, only then
Will you be able to see through their eyes
Breathe their every breath
Feel their heart beat
Make their life-
A wrapped present so, so fragile
-your own

Yet
For all that you try; all that you do
You will never
Never
Understand their mind
Never
Understand their view
Never
Understand *them

The chariot of lost hopes
clatters down the cobblestones
of broken graves and broken hearts
Flag fluttering listlessly down the boulevard
The horses weary and drooping
their hooves heavy as air

The chariot of lost hopes
drifts unmoored
Its weeping driver long gone
faded away into the dark mist
headed to lands never sunkiss'd

The chariot of lost hopes
never makes a stand
Hopes dreams ideals slip past like sand
The whistle of wind itself
is never heard where this chariot lands

The chariot of lost hopes
is always near
If one listens carefully
with growing fear
The sound of empty hooves
gradually becomes clear