I can't tell you no
I can't ever say the truth

I speak lies
I smile and act like everything is fine

I loved you
Once upon a time

I was your best friend, 

But, one fine evening,

You surprised me by the words you said.
You, had proposed me that day,

And our relationship status got changed by words that day. 

I was quite happy because I knew, you will never take any wrong step. 
And will never break my heart,
And will never hurt me hard.

Best friends now had become boy friend and girl friend.

It was cute and different.

But that was not love, I thought. 

That was friendship from heart. 

You said, "it's love, true and pure love dear, you will also feel the same, spend some time other than being best friends."

Finally, one fine day some miracle might have had happened, 

I fell in love with you. 

It was truly a love relationship for me, by words and heart. 

From then some feelings really changed.

A few days later, you said, you want to confess something, 

I thought, you now might want to marry me. 

I was so happy, I can't share in words. 

I was waiting for your arrival.

Sayed, this was true and pure love- friendship, then lovers and then married couples.
I was awesome happy from core of my heart.

You came, but accompanied with a unknown girl,

And said, "let's be best friends again, because she is the girl for whom I have fallen in love forever."

"What about us?", I enquired.

"We! We were not made for love affair. Friendship is only ok for us."

I was shocked, surprised and shattered.

You have by then broken my heart.

It took long two years since then, 

To rise up and live again.

I, finally promised myself,

Not to fall in love again.

Then again we met on a cloudy day.

You said, you are single again.

Your words, your behaviour, your attitude,

All were strange that day.

I felt, I was talking to some stranger,
Who is not my best friend.

That night you came at my place again.

And said, "let's fall for each other again."

I was very sure with myself,
And rejected your proposal face to face.

You requested me to think over and over again.

"I am sure, I don't want to fall for you again."

Hearing my words, you left the place.

No talk, no promises, no connection since then.

And, now, after a decade, you have come again and saying,

"Tell me something so hurtful that I don't miss you forever."

Why such downmarket things you are speaking?

What I said that day, are still my words, today.

If this is not hurtful, then put yourself in my shoes,

And imagine how much hurt I have got,

Which had made the heartful girl so very heartless.

I could never tell you
exactly what's going on inside my head,
so I'll write instead.
Drown my thoughts in paper & lead.
Keep my hands alive,
and my expression dead.

some people you can’t say no to
they beg to see the parts of you
the parts that you had hidden away
and you give in
show them you are not who they thought
and then they are gone
because
all the people you can’t say no to
know how say goodbye so much faster

The grass is dead
Frozen solid
It is hard and brittle like shale
Cracking beneath my feet
Lumps and dips and valleys
petrified under me
I am alive
But even my breath turns granite grey
Heavy in the marble air
And I think
Maybe
The whole world
By unanimous decision
Is stone today
And I overslept
Rushing
Missed the memo
Cosmic sticky note
etched in the corner of my eye
A Reminder
That Today
We are Collectively Asleep
But the Words bubble up inside of me
big words
With the space of galaxies between them
Like continents
Each word
is
An island
I'm tapped into the spring of the universe
Drawing from the wealth
of our million words unsaid
Stone?
Stone is dead
I hear
I see
I breathe
I feel
I am
too much to be stone
So on I walk
The only living thing in a mausoleum
With a burning heart
To stave off the welcoming void

i have anxiety
undiagnosed.

sometimes it feels like my head is stuffed with crumpled ***** of paper: the things I never said, the things I should have never said, the things that someone never said to me.

all of these things are written on every piece of paper
there are so many right now that no more would be able to fit
yet i can't stop thinking things, i can't stop saying stupid things, i can't stop wishing things.

i sigh I reach up to my forehead and i grasp my bangs
with my shaky hands and pull

i'm hoping one day when i do this
the top of my head will yank open
all of these crumpled pieces of thoughts
will pour out in a pile
on the floor
i will kneel down
and uncrumple each and every piece
i will read each one
until my head fills up again.

If I could love
the limping
ugly
afraid
part of me
That I drag through the mud
and thorns

If I could let
the transparent
clawing
screaming
silhouette speak
Instead of kicking it
into the basement

If I could put
my deepest human essence
onto paper
for everyone to see

Then.
Then, I could be free.