Snap
I can feel my branches trembling
Snap
I can feel my roots quiver
Snap
I can feel my body shake
Snap
I can hear a faint whisper
Snap
I try my best to still my movements
Snap
So that the voice becomes clear
Snap
I hold it all inside
Snap
Until I hear all of the lies
Snap
I tell myself I’m stable
Snap
But I know it isn’t real
Snap
I breathe through the chaos
Snap
Until the chaos breaks through
Snap
I am not thriving
Snap
I am barely surviving
Snap
I hold myself back
Snap
Until one day I finally
Snap
And see the mess I’ve made
Snap
I am running out of branches
Snap
But all I need is one
Snap
To remind me who I am
Snap
I am stronger than I speak
Snap
I am kinder than I act
Snap
I embrace the anger
Snap
I embrace the sadness
Snap
I embrace what made me
Snap
And I choose to
Stop
I choose to
Grow

I feel like a remote.
A tiny remote in the hands of a giant
Toggling through channels
Accidentally pressing every other button than the intended
I have no control
I have lost sense of where I am in space
I am helpless
Vulnerable to the choices of the giant
Constantly fluctuating between states of fear
And peace
Never knowing when each state will change
Never knowing how long I will have peace
Before the fear arises
I am just a tiny remote
In the hands of a giant.

Oh, hello heart.
Haven’t felt you in a while.
How are you?
Ouch.
What the **** heart?
Stop!
****.
There’s that feeling.
Wanting what I don’t have.
Pushing away love.
But wanting it so badly.
Why?
It could be so easy.
Yet you resist.
But maybe this will be different.
Are you ready?
Do you know what you truly want?
Yeah... me neither.
****.
Well, I love you.
We’re in this together.

Something has changed in me this week
Small and cynical but not so meek
A voice I once knew and thought was engrained
Turned out was a student that’s now fully trained
She no longer whispers her judgments and lies
While she sits at her desk now she actually tries
To get to know who I am instead of rejecting
And brushing me off with her constant correcting
Now I get to embrace the feeling of free
From hearing a voice that is finally me

Listen to
        your  own  soul,  
               too many
   people listen to the noise
             of the world
                   instead
              of themselves.

               Deep inside,
    you know what you want,
                 let no one
         decide that for you.

                      There
               comes a time
                      when
            you have to choose
                    between
            turning the page
                        and
           closing the book.

                       Don't
           be afraid of losing
                     people.
              Be  afraid of
       losing yourself  trying  
                 to  please
        everyone around  
                       you.
            It always seems
                 impossible
             until  it's  done.
                                                                                   Jon York   2019

I am here
But I am not
My limbs are
My heart beats
But where am I?
I want peace,
Until then I hide.
Waiting for silence
Waiting to thrive.
Glimmers of light shine
And remind me to be patient
But I hear the clock ticking
Telling me not to waste it
Telling me this is not where I
Am meant to be.
My heart skips beats
As I anticipate my next demand,
Pulling me apart as I say yes
To everyone
Everything,
But myself.
I want peace.
I want silence.
I want time
For me
To thrive.
Until then,
I hide.

I’m holding a shovel
But it’s not me, I yell
It’s the cloud above me
Filled with anger
Sadness
Regret
Fear
And insecurity.
The cloud is growing
Consuming my light
Digging me deeper
Into a hole of darkness I must fight
I thought I was through this
I thought I was clear
But it’s back
Looming above, right here
Stealing my energy
Filling me with doom
I can feel the tension
When I walk in a room
Others can feel this
Heavy load of gloom
I want to be free
I want to feel love
But how do I break through
This dark cloud above.