I go to write the words on my pen,
but the ink runs dry.
Looking into the sea of my thoughts,
I begin to drown.
I reach and I grasp,
nothing.
I scream and I shout,
only silence.
I fill with doubt,
and doubt screams back at me....
"It's not true.
You can't make it.
If you ruin it,
then at least it was by your own choice.
Your fears,
are just the reality you face every day.
Give yourself back to me,
and become again who you used to be."
For a moment I sink further,
further into the abyss,
wanting to give myself away,
to let myself drown.
Further and further I go.
With each passing moment,
the doubt grows,
and I dwindle.
No longer knowing who I am,
I succumb at last to the water.
The dark chill of my thoughts,
the empty hollowness of who I become, and
the fears of my past begin to sink in.
All at once,
I am reminded of my past faults.
I am reminded of my past fears.
I am reminded of my past anxieties.
I am reminded of the loss of all that I hold dear.
I rise from the water at last, and
I breathe again.
I realize that,
no matter how much I grow up,
no matter how much I try,
no matter how many tears I cry,
I will always be scared.
I will always be scared,
of those who said they cared,
and hurt me the most.